Articles tagged with: Leona Lewis
This week’s uppers and downers. Folded: Clothes on Film (cool site about clothes in movies. Goodness the editor is handsome) Edge of Darkness (Gibbo's back like it’s 1995) David Lean in Close-Up with Jonathan Ross (BBC4, the only reason we pay a ...
Leona Lewis was attacked at a booksigning event yesterday, and this has raised some important questions. Like how did it happen? Was there enough of a security presence? Why on Earth would anyone stand in line for five hours just so that they can hit Leona Lewis on the side of the head? Haven't they got anything better to do? Do people actually care enough about Leona Lewis to attack her? What the hell is Leona Lewis doing writing a book anyway? What's it called, My Year And A Bit Of Being The World's Dreariest Pop Star? All important questions. None of them will be answered below.
There are two ways of summing up Leona Lewis. As the majority of people know, she is the only real winner of X Factor who has released a string of hits and hasn’t had to resort to gigging in Butlins. On the other hand, she is devoid of a personality, doesn’t do anything, looks like a horse and could give you the same level of conversation as a plastic bag. After sucking on the musical teat of Simon Cowell, Leona has pretty much shunned the UK to be over glossed and Americanised. We rarely hear from our favourite cockney reality show wailer. However, it comes as a surprise to hear that she's spoken to someone outside her circle of arse-licking minders. Leona only bloody went and talked to a tramp!
Alongside predicting the lottery numbers and what’s in the secret sauce from our local burger van, we do sometimes incorrectly guess things at hecklerspray. One such prediction made by us would be when the plug would be pulled on X Factor winner Leona Lewis. We assumed that after 18 months she’d call Kofi Annan a tit, lose all credibility and end up with a job in Runcorn. But apparently not - Brand Leona is still steadily growing. You’ve sung along to a soppy ballad and danced awkwardly to one of her routines, now prepare your nostrils for the Leona Lewis perfume and ghostwritten Leona Lewis book.
If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. That’s one of the many mottos passed down to us from our fathers who subsequently had the same advice given to them from their own decaying parents.
And with this firmly drilled in to her mind, it’s good to see Leona Lewis has taken the same advice. As her appearance on X Factor 2006 dragged on, her singing style never really changed that much. Any song with a BPM over 40 was totally inappropriate for her. Instead she belted out ballad after ballad keeping grannies, young children and people in comas extremely happy. After boring us all silly with her hit Bleeding Love she’s now done the same to our American chums. She’s only ruddy gone to number one in the album charts!
Top that, crying bad-haired Scottish boy whose name we can't even remember - Leona Lewis, who won X Factor before you is number one in America.
Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis is number one in the American singles chart, proving that not even global superpowers are immune to personality-free girls doing generally passable Whitney Houston impressions.
It's worth pointing out, though, that Leona Lewis is the first British female to get a US number one single since Kim Wilde in 1987. And if Leona Lewis keeps her head down and work hard, maybe she'll reach the same dizzying heights. That's right, the TV gardener/ health food commercial actor/ novelty Christmas single with the fat one from Smith & Jones combo is now well and truly within her grasp.
How does PETA do it? It's seen more A grade celebrity chuff than Jack Nicholson, Warren Beatty and John Leslie combined.
The latest to join PETA’s hareem is X Factor’s second-freshest regurgitation Leona Lewis, who is going to take off all her clothes, including her bra and pants - thus rendering her naked - and pose for a photograph in a classy way, like how a lady might, or in other words, pose for a photograph in a way that demands a bit too much magic-eye effort from the masturbator to be regarded as porn. According to The Sun, a source close to Leona said:
“She’s hugely proud to have been asked. She’s a strict vegetarian so it’s a cause close to her heart.”
