He’s successfully divorced himself from a woman who at least temporarily thought she was the devil, he’s recently gained full custody of the children he helped make with fluid that just bursts out of him sometimes, and most importantly he’s no longer obligated to play the role of Elle Woods in the upcoming Legally Blonde musical that he only just got fired from.

We think he was an understudy.

We don’t really think that. He was going to be in the thing though – in three bit roles. But then he started making all sorts of lengthy demands and the producers just had it, so they told him to stick it where the sun don’t shine in three verses and a gorgeously-rhymed chorus.

To be clear, we have no idea if Kevin Federline’s firing included a song & dance number – but he did get fired. Apparently, you see, at some point someone thought he’d make a brilliant addition to the cast of Legally Blonde the Musical. He was given three small roles – including a UPS man, a ten-foot alligator and a resurrected Michael Landon. (Landon’s heavenly self pops in as a surprise witness to help Woods clinch her big case).

We don’t know that either. Technically, the only thing we really know is what we’ve read on Star:

“Kevin Federline’s dream of becoming a Broadway star has been shattered! Britney Spears’ ex, 30, thought he had it made when producers of Legally Blonde approached him about making his theater debut in September. But now he’s back to square one. “The producers gave Kevin his walking papers,” an insider tells Star. “Kevin was acting like a Broadway diva, and he hasn’t even stepped on to the stage yet!”

Financially speaking, you still don’t have to worry about the Fed. We’ve heard he has plans to return to his job of licking strawberry frosting off the necks of middle-aged women for money, and then applying glitter on the spots where his tongue made their skin wet.

He hasn’t sunken that far yet. It’s a shame Broadway didn’t work out for him though. He’s already stretched his acting chops on one of those CSI shows, and his one fast food commercial got him universal accolades from universalaccolades.com.

And to get one of those things it costs more than just the $7.99 fee. You also have to pay postage if you want the certificate.

We know because we’ve done business with them on several occassions.