But behind the smile and massive hooters lies a dark secret, as it’s been revealed that Pamela Anderson was brutally attacked as a child. Not by a pack of wild dogs full of explosive rabies or a perverted old man, but by a menacing gang of leeches. Maybe she looked at them funny.

Um, that’s the top and bottom off it really. However, with our powerful contacts on the inside, we’ve been granted the ins and outs of a police report filled against the leeches that have permanently scarred Pamela on the left shoulder. Some details are sketchy, but we’ve done our best to sum it up for you.

Once. when Pamela Anderson was young, sexually naive and unaware of the evils of camcorders, she was playing in a lake. For no apparent reason she was then set upon by a gang of wild leeches who were drunk and high after downing a cocktail of drugs or something.

After politely rejecting the advances of the ringleader of the gang, the leeches grew angrier and angrier. They got closer to the innocent Pamela who was minding her own business. As the gang approached, it was clear they didn’t want to play dress up with our helpless heroine.

Ugly words were exchanged, ones that opened Pamela’s eyes to how cruel the world can be. Soon things got too heated and what followed is so disgusting and twisted that we can’t even publish them. Thankfully though, the leeches fled as Pamela’s ear-piercing screams alerted a nearby hillbilly fisherman to fight off the beach.

Now 40, single again and definitely not desperate for some press to remind us she’s still mulling around, she gingerly told Craig Ferguson:

“I have a scar on my left shoulder where leeches attacked me in a lake when I was nine.”

It is with deep regret, however, that the culprit of this vile crime is still at large. Everyone at hecklerspray is still shocked and disgusted that such a sick individual is still on the lam. If you have any leads that will apprehend this monster, we will stump up the sum of £1,000*. Help us before he/she strikes another innocent victim.

With the bravery of this one individual, will it open the floodgates for other celebrities to tell us of their horrific hidden secrets? Will Hilary Clinton tell us how she battled off the advances of her husband Bill and a pack of Marlboro slims? What about Snoop Dogg? Will he come clean and tell us that he is owned by one man’s favourite animal creations after he lost a poker bet. Hecklerspray surely hopes so.

God bless you Pamela for finally coming clean with details of your turbulent past. You’re an inspiration to all.

Read more:

Pamela Anderson Attacked By Leeches – EntertainmentWise

*no.

That’s why it peaked our interest to learn that a recent scientific study showed that when people hear the words ‘Demi Moore’ and ‘leech’, 97.624% (p < 0.05) automatically think ‘Ashton Kutcher’.  

Although such results are can hardly be classified as breakthrough findings, it explains why the vast majority of the world recoiled in disgust at hearing Demi Moore proclaim that she gets her blood sucked by leeches.  

Be at ease, folks. Demi Moore is referring literally to leeches, not an intimate relationship with her husband. 

Demi Moore has always seemed a bit unusual if you ask us. She named her daughters Rumer and Scout, lived in Idaho for some odd reason, found Bruce Willis to be marriage material, and why she ever changed her androgynous hair style from Ghost is just beyond us. So it only goes to figure that she’d subscribe to some bizarro health/beauty tactics as well. Like leeches. Blood-sucking, parasitic leeches attached to her skin until they become totally engorged and drop off dead. Ta-da! Instant A-list celebrity beauty.  

What’s that? Demi Moore’s stretched plastic youthful look is not natural?? That’s shocking. We haven’t been this shocked since we learned that MC Hammer is neither an MC, nor a hammer. But it’s true. Demi Moore was interviewed by David Letterman recently, and said that she underwent leech therapy as part of detoxification program in Australia. Totally coincidentally she is promoting her new movie, Flawless. Anyway, during the interview Demi Moore explains the ordeal in repulsive, stomach-turning detail: 

"It detoxifies your blood and they have a little enzyme that when they're biting down on you gets released into your blood. Generally you bleed for quite a bit and it detoxifies your blood. It crawls in and you feel it bite down on you … and then you just watch it swell up and get fatter and fatter and then when it's super drunk on your blood it just kinda rolls over like it's stumbling out of a bar."

Or in other words, mini replays of a typical night for Britney Spears. Eh? High-five up high? Anyone??

Actually, the whole leech thing makes sense, really. What better time to detoxify your blood than after it comes out of your body. And who couldn’t do with a little blood-letting. Hollywood starlets are looking rather bloated and fatty these days.  Still, we can’t help but be a bit outraged about all of this. There are some species of leeches that are practically endangered, and there goes Demi Moore attaching blood-sucking leeches all over herself willy-nilly just to watch them die from her toxified blood.  

Luckily, we have PETA on speed dial and have alerted them of the situation. We have it on firm authority that Heather Mills is already working on a nude PETA campaign for saving the leeches with the tagline ‘Suck money from your legendary musician ex-husband, not blood’.

Read more: 

Demi Moore's Health Secret That Sucks – AOL