Lee Ryan - HecklerSpray

Lee Ryan Fined ?80 Over His Birthday Party Punch Up

July 27th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Proper news organisations have all sorts of grown up codes and practices. So imagine if they were having a slow news day and had to report on less important articles like Lee Ryan? We imagine that a piece about one of life?s biggest blips would go along the lines of saying; ?Lee Ryan, bad boy of pop band Blue has been living up to his reputation of causing chaos on a night out on the town.?

But here at the hecklerspray hole, we know that Lee Ryan has never had a credible reputation as a popstar or as a hard man. A yoghurt that's gone a day past its expiry date poses more of a threat.

However, our number one bruv has been in bother with the authorities before. A few years ago, he was fined ?500 after attacking a taxi driver following a crash in Surrey. Maybe our Lee’s given up on singing and is now imitating superheroes by getting involved in brawls, but not saving anyone. This particular epic struggle took place at his birthday party in June.

Louis Walsh Conveniently Forgets That No-One Cares About Why He Hates Boyzone

June 22nd, 2011 By Michael Park

Preening, chemically enhanced music “supremo” Louis Walsh has spoken out about his decision to step down as?Boyzone’s manager, something that we didn’t even know had happened. Walsh, the man responsible for making the skin of young boys everywhere crawl to the point where it attempts to tear itself from the body of its host and choke itself.

Earlier this month, reports emerged that?Walsh had ditched the boyband because of disappointing ticket sales, brought about by the death of pop music, something that he is at least partly responsible for. The poor man’s Simon Cowell is said to believe that he missed a trick by refusing to manage Take That because he didn’t fancy Mark Owen enough to take the job.

Add to this lead singer?Ronan Keating’s recent revelation that he likes to put his knob about a bit and you have yourself a self-righteous, pompous TV personality trying to get himself some more personality by strategically dropping a relatively unpopular band that are still well-known at the beginning of the downward slope of their singing careers.

Blue Can’t Comprehend Europewide Ambivalence So Blame Failure On Politics

May 16th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

The Eurovision has been and gone, with an immediately forgettable song from Azerbaijan winning, leaving the controller of AzTV absolutely shitting his pants at the prospect of hosting one of the most prestigious shows in the calendar.

More forgettable that the winning song… which was called… uh… um… whatever it was, is ‘I Can’ by Blue which, in hindsight, should have been called ‘We Won’t’.

Of course, the collective egos in Blue won’t be able to process what happened on the night. They’re still wrapped in their little bubble that tells them that, if they hit a high note or two and flash some pectoral muscles, they’ll be met with unswerving praise, like they’ve just found the cure for every illness in history. Alas, they finished mid-table and are now filed under ‘flop’.

Lee Ryan Isn’t A Moron – He’s A Genius

May 10th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

When PR people tout their products to us, we're often told that ?it's the film or album of the year,? this is quite a statement considering we get sent this claims every day of the year. However, we can categorically say that Lee Ryan of terrible manband Blue has given the quote of the year.

Bless poor Lee and his supermarket own brand socks. Out of all the members of Blue, he was meant to be the cute and adorable member. Sadly, he has an expression permanently glued to his face that resembles a rabbit that's about to get squished by a lorry.

Lee?s job is to emit some high pitched squeals and yelps and do nothing more. Sadly, the cogs in his brain don't quite turn properly and when he does speak his mind, utter drivel comes out. But we've got it all wrong according to Lee.

?Father Of The Year Nominations? Being Taken ? Lee Ryan Shrugs And Stares At His Feet

May 9th, 2011 By Paul Pencott

Latter-day adherent to the Knights Code of Chivalry Lee Ryan has had yet another busy weekend making himself appear exactly as gash as everyone had long-ago decided he actually is.

When quizzed as to why he rarely visits his ?love-child? daughter, the permanently perplexed-looking poltroon replied with the justification:

?I already have a son.?

Blue Vs The Wanted: It's ON! And Then It's Off Again.

March 28th, 2011 By Paul Pencott

Massively unsympathetic squinty-eyed failed solo artist, pretend hard-man and member of Blue Lee Ryan has had a busy weekend of failed chat-up lines, starting ridiculous feuds with other boy-bands and then unreservedly apologising for the whole thing like a great big girl?s blouse.

The absurd prancing marionette recently informed a listless world of his thoughts regarding the current music scene:

“It’s been so boring without Blue. All that X Factor b*llocks. F**k X Factor. All they say is ‘Oh, we’re from The X Factor, we’re so boring’. X Factor c***s. Bands like The Wanted are so dull. Don’t worry, Blue are back now,” according to some dreary free newspaper.

Urine Trouble Now Blue As Anthony Costa Toilets Away Eurovision Hope For The UK

February 7th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

It was announced recently that boyband goons Blue would fly the flag for the UK and attempt to convince Europe that we haven't lost the musical talent we once possessed. We?d be lying if we weren't one of the people questioning the decision of sending a retired act to compete. But then again, we spend our lunchtime writing rude words out of alphabet soup. Who are we to judge?

Unlike the rest of Europe, the UK has a world famous broadcaster greasing the cogs for the band, telling then what to say, what to wear and generally making sure they receive gleaming PR.

So you'd assume it would be hard for Blue to make a mess of this glorious opportunity? Inevitably, you'd be wrong as a spanner has just been thrown in to the works. Not by chief moron Lee Ryan, oh no, it's by another pesky critter in the Blue ranks, Anthony Costa.

Blue Set To Embarrass The UK In This Year?s Eurovision

January 31st, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

It seems bitterly ironic that the UK fails to storm home every year as winners in the Eurovision song contest. After all, you just have to look at the wide variety of established musical acts across multiple genres.

We've seen it all from jazz, punk, indie, rock ‘n’ roll and electronic. Whenever we look to find someone to represent us in Eurovision, we have a habit of picking people who look like they've been let out of an asylum for losers.

Each year, a nobody comes along and spectacularly fails. Many reasons are blamed for why we finish bottom of the pile. The standard excuse is because every country in Europe hates us for licking America's bumhole and joining in on the war on terror. Or, more realistically, it's because the songs we pick are woeful compared to singers from other countries who feature really fit transsexuals and singers who turn in to butterflies during a performance. So how can the UK radicalise its chances? That's right, by offering boyband Blue who were shit back then and are still shit now.

5 Things Lee Ryan Hasn’t Done Since Abandoning Twitter

January 7th, 2011 By Michael Park

There’s only the occasional moment when the collective ‘we’ hate ourselves more than usual. We go from a curled, weeping ball in the corner to a full-on howling banshee at the sheer depravity and hideous abandon that is life.

One such moment came last night as thoughts of Derren Brown breaking Uri Gellar’s spine using the power of his mind crossed our thoughts, and was suddenly greeted by a neon sign flashing through the mind’s eye. It read, in large, green, garish letters:

“Wonder what Lee Ryan’s been up to recently?”

Lee Ryan Allegedly Does A Chris Brown, Get?s Charged With Common Assault

August 23rd, 2010 By Matthew Laidlow

We know Lee Ryan is a serious individual. After all, the last time we ran a story informing everyone he'd ?rip your fucking face off?, if you messed him around, it kind of all kicked off. Even our own Mof Gimmers felt the venom of Lee Ryan as he got told he had a nose like Shrek. The poor man was shaking for weeks afterwards.

The lesson learnt there? That it is possible for a second rate Danny Dyer to actually exist. We decided that a casual game of chess and mug of hot chocolate wouldn't cement the rift caused between us and we thought it?d be best to leave the singer alone. Lee may be a lovely chap at heart, but over the weekend his bell-end side has resurfaced as allegations of punching his girlfriend Samantha Miller have come to light. If this is deemed to be true, then we can definitely call him a douche.