This alleged affair between LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian has really caught the public’s imagination, hasn’t it?

No. No it hasn’t. And that’s probably down to the fact that if you multiplied all the people in the world who care about LeAnn Rimes with all the people in the world who care about Eddie Cibrian, you’d end up with approximately one person. But that all changes now.

Because now there’s a video of LeAnn Rimes kissing Eddie Cibrian and sucking his finger. Or, to be more accurate, two indistinct grainy blobs jiggling around in a pointlessly nonspecific way. Gotcha, LeAnn!

If you took the world’s greatest novel, changed the setting to modern-day Los Angeles, made the lead characters a hasbeen country singer and a painfully anonymous actor, removed all the fun, suspense and intrigue from it, replaced every word with the word ‘nuh’, painted the cover grey and threw it in a river where nobody could ever read it, it’d more or less be identical to this kerfuffle about LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian.

If you missed yesterday’s story about it, then here’s the two-part recap – PART ONE: LeAnn Rimes has been accused of cheating of her husband with Eddie Cibrian, her co-star in a forthcoming TV movie. PART TWO: The whole thing’s so mind-bogglingly tedious and full of the least famous people on Earth that we don’t even know why we wrote about it once, let alone twice.

However, even though Eddie Cibrian has denied the affair and LeAnn Rimes has sort of denied it, a shocking new revelation has come to light. Well, a new revelation. Well, it’s new. Possibly. Anyway, look, here’s a video that allegedly shows LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian snogging each other over dinner…

Did you see that? Did you SEE that? That bleary grainy blob in what appears to be a hat totally moved about eight pixels closer to the hazily ill-defined grainy blog that may or may not be female! That’s disgusting! Our eyes! There’s… there’s BLOOD COMING OUT OF OUR EYES! Oh LeAnn Rimes, how could you DO this to us?

In case you missed any of the finer details of the video, what with it being unwatchably fuzzy and all, here’s the LA Times with a recap:

Twenty-two seconds into it, US Weekly describes Cibrian arriving at the restaurant. He allegedly takes Rimes’ hand and they walk in the restaurant together. They sit — center left of the frame — and hold hands (36 seconds) and kiss (1:47). At the 2:10 mark, Rimes suggestively sucks on Cibrian’s finger.

Now, even if this is a video of LeAnn Rimes sucking on Eddie Cibrian’s finger, it doesn’t mean that there’s anything funny about it. Maybe he’s been bitten by a viper and she was simply sucking out the poison. Or maybe he wanted her to taste his soup but he didn’t have a spare spoon. Or maybe she accidentally swallowed her car keys and he was searching the inside of her mouth with his hand looking for them.

Or, then again, maybe LeAnn Rimes was suggestively sucking on Eddie Cibrian’s finger. Our point is this: we’d rather throw ourselves under a train than actually bring ourselves to actually care about any of this.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

It’s been a long time coming, but LeAnn Rimes has finally started acting like a genuine country singer.

Unless she hasn’t. Basically it’s been reported that LeAnn Rimes had cheated on her husband with Eddie Cibrian, her co-star in a forthcoming TV movie. Which isn’t really news, since people we don’t care about presumably cheat on their partners with people we’ve never heard of every day.

Anyway, while Eddie Cibrian has denied the affair, LeAnn Rimes has been a little less forthcoming. You know what this means? LeAnn Rimes totally raped Eddie Cibrian in his sleep! Unless she didn’t.

It’s difficult to think of LeAnn Rimes as a country singer, isn’t it? True, she may have ticked most of the appropriate boxes – she sings country music, she’s from the south of America and she has a woefully misspelt name – but there was just one thing stopping us from taking LeAnn Rimes seriously: a hopelessly messed-up personal life.

Having a hopelessly messed-up personal life is rule number one of being a country singer. Until you’ve developed an alcohol dependency, got married to a man who’s been arrested for child abuse or literally shot a stranger in the face, you can’t join the club. And it looks like LeAnn Rimes might have just joined the club.

Even though nobody has seen, heard or even thought of her once in the last decade, LeAnn Rimes is apparently making a TV movie at the moment called Northern Lights. We don’t know what it’s about, and we don’t feel like we have to find out because we’re not going to watch it, you’re not going to watch it and the only people who are going to watch it will be Alzheimer’s sufferers who can’t find their remote control and they’ll forget it ever existed the moment it finishes, so it doesn’t matter.

However, we’d guess that Northern Lights is either very sexy or very boring, because it’s been reported that it pushed LeAnn Rimes into having a passionate affair with her co-star Eddie Cibrian. Unless it didn’t – here’s what Cibrian had to say about it:

“Other than being friends and two actors who were romantically intertwined in a movie-for-television we filmed last fall, there is no truth to the reporting… It is a fabricated story that is using random snapshots as connective tissue to create a scandalous relationship.”

And this hardline denial was backed up by LeAnn Rimes in a blog post yesterday:

“This is a difficult time for me and my loved ones. But I appreciate all your continued support. I would like to assure all of you that this is a place for you to hear things directly from me and as you all know, not everything in our lives is black and white.”

Wait, that’s not a firm denial at all. If anything, it seems like LeAnn Rimes is being deliberately evasive about it all. So what’s going on? Did LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian have an affair or not?

The answer is: we don’t care. It’s LeAnn Rimes, for God’s sake. We’d rather not waste time remembering that she even exists. We’re not mental.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!