lawsuit - HecklerSpray

Lindsay Lohan Is Getting Sue Happy Again

December 3rd, 2013 By Megan Leitch

Lindsay Lohan is a really big fan of stupid ass lawsuits.? She may be a hot mess who looks like a ragged 40 year old meth face, but don’t you dare say that about her.? Or at least, you can’t if you might be earning a few pennies by saying it.? Lohan doesn’t care if nobodies mock her (for example, moi), but if you’re a multiplatinum rapper, a digitally altered talking baby,?or a video game tycoon, then suddenly that shit is not okay.

Lohan is either back on some Absinthe shit, or her mother has blown all of Lindsay’s money on her DWI lawyer, because she is trying to sue the makers of Grand Theft Auto for stealing her image for one of its characters.

And surprisingly, it’s not one of the hookers.

Paris Hilton To Team Up With LMFAO To Make Ears Redundant Forever

January 18th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

How are your ears? Like having them? They’re great for holding your glasses up aren’t they? Pierced them? How nice. Alas, there’s one drawback with ears – you can hear stuff. Yep, all manner of useless dreck can creep in their and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Unless you stuff the canal with liquid concrete and then lop them off with cigar clippers.

And you may want to do exactly that because the most appalling news has come our way – Paris Hilton is making a pop comeback and she’s teaming up with zany-irony gobblers and ear-wormers, LMFAO. If you don’t know what that means, let us draw out the horror.

Robbie Williams Carelessly Murdered By Misguided Dream Assassins

January 5th, 2012 By Michael Park

Take That’s Prodigal Son and Stoke’s most irritating son Robbie Williams has been waking up in the night covered in a liquid that isn’t his own urine according to The Daily Star. In an interview with Britain’s least believable paper, Williams?prophesied?that he might be a target for terrorists because he’s so completely important.

The egotist, who recently returned to the warming, Northern embrace of his former Take That, has been ?having trouble sleeping recently and instead of taking a Night Nurse and keeping his massive flapping trap shut, he decided to give an “exclusive” to a woeful Red Top.

Luckily, he’s been having dreams that even Joseph & His Technicolour Fraud Coat wouldn’t have any trouble analysing.

Sara Leal Makes Lame Excuses For Bedding Ashton Kutcher

December 13th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Just imagine how BRILLIANT it must be to be held responsible for the break-up of a really famous celebrity couple. Just think about that. You. There in your soiled dungarees, aimlessly chewing your hand. You. Breaking up some really famous people and making them HATE each other.

God. That’d be amazing.

However, Sara Leal – the lass who is being blamed for Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore?s split when really, it is quite obviously Kutcher’s fault -? isn’t too thrilled about the whole thing, offering mealy mouthed musings on the whole circus that followed her allowing the Two And A Half Men star to put his thingy in her doo-dah. NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

Sara Leal Didn’t Ruin Demi’s Marriage, Ashton Kutcher’s Penis Did

November 24th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Ashton Kutcher is getting a (let us sing it together) D.I.V.O.R.C.E. handed to him by Demi Moore after she found out that he’d been thumbing his winky into a young woman on the famous couple’s wedding anniversary.

Not surprising really, right?

Well, Sara Leal – the girl who received Kutch’s thrutches – has been asked if she feels responsible for the breakdown of a relationship that enchanted literally tens of people across the world.

Madonna And Her Excellent Track Record With Marriage To Help Demi Moore

November 22nd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore and splitting up, just like loads of people’s relationships disintegrate through misdeed, tedium and contempt. It’s not earth-shattering news, but thankfully, because Kutcher is thicker than pig’s swill, there’s been amusing foot-notes.

See, Kutch thought it would be fun to have sex with Sara Leal on his wedding anniversary and tried to show Demi how much she meant to him by buying her an eco-friendly car that ran on guilt.

So where can Demi Moore go now for solace? Step forward Madonna who has an exemplary record when it comes to marriage and relationships. Ahem.

Ashton Kutcher Loved Demi Moore Roughly The Same Amount As A Green Car

November 21st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

If you were married to an incredibly wealthy woman, one who probably has a fair amount of expensive shit, what would you do to try and save your marriage to her after you’d been sticking your peen into a younger woman?

Would you make the kind of gesture that money can’t buy in an attempt to woo her again? Perhaps write her a hokey but well meaning song and perform it to her? Maybe you’d cook her that meal she loves in that place you first met? Maybe you’d dance around naked with 500 red roses protruding from your colon in a public place, shouting “I don’t care if I look crazy! I’m crazy about you!”

Well, if you’re Ashton Kutcher, you’ll just buy her an eco-friendly car. An eco-friendly car of love. Pillock.

Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher: Threesomes, Divorce And Vindication

November 18th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

And so, just like we all expected, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore’s six-year marriage has ground to a wheezing halt after Kabbalah counselling surprised us all by being thoroughly useless in its attempts to save a relationship.

Of course, the statements from representatives and twitter missives went into overload last night from all concerned… and those not even remotely concerned.

And we’re going to pick through them. The best of the bunch involves the idea that this was swinging gone bad. We like that theory. That’s the idea we’re running with in our horrible, grotty little minds.

Paris Hilton Flaunts Her Vast Wealth In Bali Orphanage

November 17th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

It’s always nice when a grotesquely wealthy person goes to visit poor people. It gives them an ideal opportunity to perfect their worried, moved facial expressions. We’ve seen it with Angelina Jolie as she globetrots to the scrubbers.

And now, Paris Hilton is taking time out of her busy holidaying schedule to go and cry at some orphans in Bali.

That’s nice of her isn’t it? She was probably wearing make-up which cost more than all the orphans had ever possessed in their short, miserable lives. Still, CHARITY!

Ashton Kutcher Is So Thick That He Can’t Be Trusted With His Own Twitter Account

November 11th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Ashton Kutcher isn’t having a good time of it lately. Firstly, he’s in the woeful Two And A Half Men. Secondly, he’s allegedly had an affair with a young woman which has totally borked his marriage to Demi Moore. Thirdly, he’s really, really thick.

He’s so dimwitted that he’s had his twitter account taken off him by his management.

Why? Well, clever ol’ Kutcher defended sacked American football coach Joe Paterno who helped cover up the rape of children at Penn State.