STOP THE PRESSES! The Bieber baby drama may not be quite as dead as we all thought.

Jeffrey Leving, the lawyer representing Bieber’s baby momma, Mariah Yeater, has come out and said that the DNA test is still on! Meaning there’s still a chance that Justin really was bustin’ to get freaky with the single mother.

So forget everything we said yesterday, IT’S BACK ON BITCHES!

Leving stated in an interview that:

“I did not step down and there is a legal team. It’s a new legal team… negotiations are going on right now with Bieber’s council and we’re trying to negotiate a private, secure DNA test with the same safe guards that would exist if there were a court order, but without a court order.”

Which, if true, means that Bieber and his allegedly wandering willy may well still face the needle, in order to determine whether or not he did actually eff young Mariah’s brains out on that warm October night in L.A.

If it transpires that Bieber is indeed the father of Mariah Yeater’s baby, it will be the first time in human history that a father has turned out to be younger than his own biological child.

Rather annoyingly, Leving stated that his goal is to keep everything confidential, meaning we may never actually find out the truth about the Bieber baby, baby, baby.

Justin is still denying any and all responsibility for what fell out of Yeater’s chuff and is adamant that the DNA test will conclusively prove that he isn’t the father.

Apparently the current defence of, “his balls haven’t dropped yet,” doesn’t cut it in court anymore

Anyway, we all know the greater likelihood is that the father of the little bastard (the baby that is, not Bieber) is Frankie Cocozza.

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Lady Gaga has been praised for raising awareness for relief efforts in sorting Japan out after the dreadful tsunami that struck the country down. However, like the world’s most weirdly dressed graverobber, she’s been accused of pocketing a load of money that should’ve gone to blighted country.

Less Bad Romance and more bad finance. Sorry. That’s easily the worst joke we’ve ever written.

Anyway, there’s some federal class action lawsuiting going on which is pointing at Gaga and saying that she’s jacked up the shipping costs on the “We Pray for Japan” wristbands she was flogging and keeping a portion of the profits herself, despite saying that all proceeds would go to directly to relief efforts. In fairness, she has a very expensive wardrobe to pay for. Surely Japan doesn’t mind?

So which creditable law firm taking action against GaGa in an attempt to either a) Do the right thing or b) Shamelessly try and get attention by attaching a famous person’s name to their awful little business?

While most reputable lawfirms are called Smithers-Jones Associates or Campbell, Urine & Sons or whatever, this lot are, quite astonishingly, called 1-800-LAW-FIRM, which doesn’t half make them sound like ambulance chasers.

They say, from their office-cum-stationary cupboard:

“While we commend Lady Gaga for her philanthropic efforts, we want to ensure that claims that ‘all proceeds will be donated to Japan’s earthquake relief efforts’ are in fact true”

They also claim that tax was collected on the wristbands, which sold for $5 a piece. While it is true that tax shouldn’t be collected on a purely charitable donations, it is worth pointing out that pretty much every single act of charity from a celebrity is some kind of tax dodge.

That said, the chances of GaGa herself knowing too much about this is slim to piss-all. Musicians and politics don’t mix. They get an idea and then throw it to some bore to sort it all out for them. Basically, while 1-800-LAW-FIRM are pointing at GaGa, they may as well demand a refund from a toad in a hedge.

Meanwhile, Lady Gaga has been in Japan, and loving it.

“I can’t say enough to people all over the world that the majority of Japan right now, Japan in general, is very safe. It’s fine to come here. It’s beautiful.”

She then tried preparing sushi and died of food poisoning.

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Hitler had a face that only a mother could love – a blind, drunk mother whose eyeballs were probably in the bottom of a reservoir somewhere filled with cataracts.

As far as our top five list of attractive dictators goes, Hitler’s not even on it. You know who is though? General Mao. Sure he was mean, but he had the jaw-line of a god. Adolf was ugly alright – but don’t tell that to Eva Braun. She used to lick sugar off his greasy cheek bones (Germans think that’s an exfoliator). Imagine how dumb she’d feel once she found out he was ugly.

Hideous as he was, though, Hitler apparently had good taste in globes. And that, through a series of strange events, now has Tom Cruise hovering on the brink of a huge gaping lawsuit.

As vile as he was, there were still two admirable traits clearly owned by Adolf Hitler. The first is that he was a real patriot, at least that’s what our great aunt Adolpha told us through what we suspect is a Spanish accent. The second is he owned a really nice globe – nice enough that Tom Cruise went way out of his way to include a replica of it in his recent German one-eyed romantic comedy, whatever it was called. We haven’t seen it yet.

The problem there is the actual physical look of Adolf’s globe was copyrighted by what must be a very lonely fellow. That’s right, the globe itself is a full-fledge copyrighted item, and Cruise and company approached nobody about using it in a film. Page Six can get you up to speed:

“Robert Pritikin – who penned such jingles as “Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco Treat” and has a $40 million art collection – owns several Hitler artifacts, including the Fuehrer’s notorious globe, which he used to plan U-boat attacks from his compound in the Bavarian Alps.

“The globe was replicated and prominently featured in “Valkyrie,” the thriller about a real-life plot to assassinate Hitler – and that has Pritikin mulling legal action. In 2007, Pritikin paid $100,000 for the globe and had its likeness copyrighted to keep it from being used in propaganda by sick neo-Nazi groups.”

A solution the Rice-A-Roni guy has in mind is that Tommy-boy could buy all of his Hitler related paraphernalia and then donate it to a museum or something. Other items Pritikin may have in mind for quick sale include Hitler’s crusty inside-out underpants, the actual withered portion of Hitler’s lip that his tiny mustache used to call home, and a montage of several German puppies. That last one we’re told is quite cute.

If any of that is true it sounds absolutely terrible – but not that all of the Rice-A-Roni guy’s ideas are bad. For instance we’re really thinking about copyrighting all flat maps made during the greater WWII era. And if that works we’re also gonna reserve the image rights to Abraham Lincoln‘s stove pipe hat and the white horse that’s always in the background whenever George Washington posed for a prayer painting.

Then we’re just gonna sit back and let the inevitable cash flow in. Thanks for that, Hitler-rice guy, from the bottom of our pocket book.

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