Over the weekend 100,000 or-so Tennesseans were all excited as they huddled around a stage waiting to see their new god, Kanye West, float down from a cloud and moonwalk or something.

Kanye was quite busy though, apparently. He made his congregation wait an hour and a half before he showed his face. In his defense, maybe he was flossing or something after a day of eating only Mike & Ike’s. If you’re gonna get your dentals sufficiently clean that would really take at least an hour.

But the fans didn’t care, and some of them may have even regretted not buying that 50 Cent album instead back when the race was on.

We’re just kidding about that actually – for that to happen he’d probably have to show up late and fire a machine gun into a crowd of babies. Seriously – desperate measures would be needed. Still – the crowd almost stormed the stage by all reports.

The life of a musician is filled with difficult things – like, for instance, having people apply hair gel to every individual strand instead of just lumping it on there like a pauper. No doubt that’s what Kanye was doing backstage while he made a crowd of anxious fans wait an entire hour and a half before he’d grace the stage.

Or maybe he was back there still mourning his mother, who died in the seventies or something but was a really terrific woman while she was here on earth. The waiting crowd had things to do though – like buy a $15 hot dog on a stick, tip an outhouse due to extremely high bottled-water prices, or die under the noon-day sun from a combination of massive drug use and dehydration.

The BBC gives us specific details:

“Festival spokesman Ken Weins said the delay was caused by having to take apart Pearl Jam’s set – after the band finished an hour late – and loading up Kanye West’s equipment, which depicted him as a space traveller whose ship crash-lands. West had originally been scheduled to appear at 2015 on Saturday evening, but he had specifically requested the late night slot. Later on Sunday, pedal steel guitarist Robert Randolph criticised West on stage for disappointing his fans, inspiring more “Kanye sucks” chants.”

Well, we’re not sure we’d perform without our crashed spaceship either. It’s sort of a security blanket. Plus, you could probably use its battery to charge your microphones or something. Imagine that? It’s probably clean energy too – those angry hippies should have taken that into consideration instead of throwing glow sticks on the empty stage and making out with your fat, ugly, toothless girlfriend that probably hadn’t showered since early Tuesday.

That’s right – you reading this, guy? Clean your stupid girlfriend!

Read More:

Late Kanye West Told He Sucks By US Festival Crowd – Gigwise