There are many things OJ Simpson is guilty of - being a bit of a douchebag, maybe, and having an unnatural obsession with his own faecal matter - but when it comes to armed robbery, OJ Simpson is absolutely not guilty.

That's according to OJ Simpson, at least - faced with a stack of felony charges that will see him spend the rest of his life in jail, OJ Simpson decided yesterday at a Las Vegas arraignment that he didn't actually have anything to do with any of it. OJ Simpson has pleaded not guilty to all 12 felony charges against him, on the basis that he only burst in on some unsuspecting sports memorabilia dealers with a gang of men in some sort of amateurish raid operation because they stole his shit and he only wanted his shit back. This argument means that the OJ Simpson trial - set for April - could set all manner of legal precedents for any other future angry shit-based misunderstandings that American citizens may wander into.

It’s simply amazing the lengths celebrities are going to for this whole writer’s strike thing.   

You know, like how Ellen DeGeneres cancelled taping her show in NYC, Julia Louis-Dreyfus picketed arm in arm with Wanda Sykes, Garth Brooks cancelled his TV appearances, and so on. 

But all of these people are total poseurs because if you really want to support a cause, you develop a life-threatening chronic illness that causes you to cancel shows for months on end disappointing lonely middle-aged women everywhere like Wayne Newton has done. Wayne Newton and his virus-ridden heart are the only celebrity making any real sacrifices here.  

The rest of you people just make us sick.