Articles tagged with: Las Vegas
If there's one thing that Jennifer Lopez loves, it's starring in hopeless romantic comedies that are only enjoyed by hairdressers and idiots. But if there's another thing that Jennifer Lopez loves, it's getting married. Jennifer Lopez loves getting married so much that she'll quite off marry someone completely unsuitable just so she can divorce him and get married to someone else a few months later. However, Jennifer Lopez made quite the schoolboy error when she married Marc Anthony - a man she actually seems to quite like. Because now it looks like they'll never get divorced and Jennifer Lopez won't be able to feed her compulsive marriage addiction. Unless, of course, Jennifer Lopez opted for the methadone of the wedding world instead, and just pointlessly renewed her vows to Marc Anthony instead. So she's done that.
Long have we wondered what Michael Jackson's next career move would be. Will he make another album? Will he start a charity to help the big-nosed poor? Will he be another ride at Disney Land? Perhaps one where he puts roller-skates on his hands and feet and rolls about the room in a crab-walk type style with a saddle on his belly, and your height has to be below Mickey's hand to climb on board? Well we can tell you - he's gonna be a Vegas attraction. It's been rumored before, but this time it's different. This time he could be working directly for the mortgage company that just bought the $23 million dollar loan for his Neverland Ranch. It's perfect timing too, really, since Celine Dion just left Vegas and they are the exact same proportions, he could just use her costumes. Now that's economic efficiency!
Las Vegas: shimmering sin-capital of overblown gambling, legalised prostitution and neon lights burrowing their ever-so-bright way into your retinas. All well and good, but there's something missing. Know what that is? A mildly psychotic pop star who enjoys shaving her head and displaying her vagina, that's what. Thank the sweet weeping lord, then, for Britney Spears. She's apparently decided to use Vegas - or, more specifically, the Palms Hotel and Casino - as the jumping point for a 'spectacular comeback.' Given that her last 'comeback' involved bobbing around onstage like a confused autistic sealion in front of millions of TV viewers, it's safe to say that this is gonna be an interesting situation to say the least.
This week's rematch between Tom Cruise and Oprah Winfrey looks set to be the most exciting self-serving marketing stunt of the year! However, we didn't know what Tom Cruise and Oprah were going to discuss during Tom's interview - until now. Because now it seems like it's mostly about Tom Cruise's arse. Part of Oprah's interview - conducted at Tom Cruise's Colorado home - involved Oprah riding on Tom's snowmobile, an experience that left Oprah blithering on about Tom Cruise's butt and adding that she now knows what Katie Holmes sees in him. Financial gain despite an outwardly unconvincing relationship? Yep, actually that sounds about right.
Poor old Toni Braxton. For close to two years Toni has spent night after night grinding out a living as a Las Vegas casino performer and nobody cared. But now Toni Braxton has finally got the attention she deserves. Thanks to the mysterious, potentially life-threatening chest pains that took her off to hospital last week, Toni Braxton has never been so famous and her Vegas show is bound to sell even more tickets than ever as a result. Except that it won't, because Toni Braxton has cancelled all of her shows for the rest of April while she recovers. Stupid chest pains - they give you all the thrill of being famous with none of the cardiovascular functionality of being healthy. Hardly ideal, is it?
That Paris Hilton, she sure knows how to pick them. 'Them' of course, referring to blokes whose sperm seems to either send women a bit mental or completely dead.
Just yesterday we were telling you about Paris Hilton and Britney Spears' ex-husband Kevin Federline cosying up in a Las Vegas nightclub, but it seems like Paris wasn't done there, as it's transpired that she then went out the very next night and did exactly the same thing to Larry Birkhead, the last man on Earth to knock Anna Nicole Smith up before she died. We're not sure if chatting to odd, semi-famous men is going to be Paris Hilton's hot new trend for 2008 or not yet, but hopefully it is, because at this rate it won't be long before she's seen out with Trevor, the fictional Scottish wife-beater husband of Little Mo from EastEnders. And that would just be adorable.
So Kevin Federline has finally moved on from Britney Spears - except that he seems to have moved on to Paris Hilton, which isn't so much 'moving on' as 'doing something especially turd-brained'.
Not that Kevin Federline and Paris Hilton are doing anything particularly romantic in public, of course - at the moment the pair of them have only set tongues wagging by talking to each other in Las Vegas nightclubs two nights in a row. However, given the difficulty that they both have forming even rudimentary sentences without getting nosebleeds from concentrating too hard, we should obviously take this fact alone as a sign that Kevin Federline and Paris Hilton are doing it and in love and want to get married right away. Even if none of that is true.
But let's just assume that it is true, because it's January 2 and bugger all else has happened today.
The good thing about Las Vegas is that singers often go there for years at a time to perform lucrative residencies - the bad thing about it is that it sometimes lets them go again.
For the last five years, Celine Dion has performed her A New Day concert 717 times at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. It was a win-win really, because the show earnt Celine Dion over $100 million while simultaneously keeping her too busy to hawk her screechingly overbearing power ballads to anyone else as a result. But all good things must end, and so Celine Dion just has performed her last show in Las Vegas. Now Celine Dion is going to take her show around the world, and it's progress will be traced by military technology - you'll be able to see which country Celine Dion is in at any point by watching droves of people with their fingers jammed into their ears hurling themselves into the sea via satellite.
