But Lars Ulrich isn’t alone when it comes to being angry. Oh no, he is part of a band called Metallica with three other angry middle aged balding men. Maybe their belts are on too tight?

It isn’t clear if tomato ketchup, pandas or cacti add to his anger, but we know one thing that does – illegal downloading! Mention that to Lars and he’ll knock you into the future. But he appears to be having a change of heart. He’s just admitted to stealing music off the internet.

Now, it would have been more exciting to see Lars publicly saying to a group like The Saturdays “What up bitches? I’ve just downloaded your piece of shit ass album for free. What you gonna do about it?”

Unfortunately this isn’t going to happen. At least until he grows himself a bigger pair of balls anyway. You see, he didn’t illegally download an album of anyone like Leona Lewis, The Sugababes or Kelly Clarkson. Instead, he downloaded his own band’s recent album – we don’t see the point in doing that either.

Instead of sparking an internet feud with someone across the Atlantic, Lars decided to keep his downloading to a minimum. Probably so no-one gets the hump and tries to sue him. Unless he goes mental and tries to sue himself.

Does this make him a bi-downloader, since he hasn’t quite gone the full way and downloaded someone else’s work yet? Maybe not, but at least we hope that we’ve started a new buzzword for everyone to use.

Over the years, everyone has had a snigger at Metallica as Lars and his bunch of chums got all upset with Napster for letting users share their music. If anything, anyone who used up storage space on toss albums such as St Anger should be asking Lars for wasted life minutes back.

During a moment of typical angriness, Lars told VH1:

“I sat there myself and downloaded Death Magnetic from the internet just to try it,” “I was like, ‘Wow, this is how it works’. I figured if there is anybody that has a right to download Death Magnetic for free, it’s me.”

With downloading now accomplished to some extent, what’s next on the Metallica to do list? Knitting, croquet and baking won’t be involved that’s for sure – those activities don’t involve anger!

If anything, we want to see Lars Ulrich rip phonebooks apart with his bare hands, wrestle bears and drink sixteen cans of beer at once. Grr, that’s what real angry men do. Once that’s achieved, he’ll have our ultimate respect.

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Oh, and you get to be complete and total prannocks about seemingly everything involving the internet, yet still somehow manage to maintain the credibility that would clearly be destroyed if you were any other musical act in the world. Things, they are strange.

For this time Metallica have decided that allowing people they have invited to listen to their new music to review it would be something of a cardinal sin. Possibly on a par with the holocaust, but we’re still waiting for a quote on that one.

It all began a few days ago when the band invited a number of music journalists to hear their new material, somewhere in London. These critics gorged their aural senses with the gravelly-voiced delights of James Hetfield and co. and returned to their respective abodes, fresh in the knowledge that they could freely impart their newfound wisdom to the fans of the world.

Unfortunately, these journos seemed to forget that to satiate the hunger of these waiting Metallica fans they would have to use the tool most hated by the band: the internet. In using this evil device – which was probably crafted by Satan no less – the information pertaining to the new album was uploaded onto a few blogs.

Good God, what were they thinking?!

It didn’t take too long for Metallica to get wind of this though, and soon enough they were out bullying the sites where reviews were hosted, forcing them to withdraw the offending articles.

Just as with the horror that was Napster and its ridiculous idea of a future where digital distribution could thrive, the tiny, underprivileged band managed to safeguard their music and their reputation once more.

So thank you, Metallica. Thank you for being so utterly, completely and totally insane. Thank you for hating technology, discouraging innovation and stamping down on all those far smaller than you. It makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside to know that you’re still a bunch of tossers.