Without question, Larry King has the easiest job in the world. But even easy jobs can become boring.

Especially when you’ve been doing it for a while. And Larry King has been doing it for a while. Although he started presenting his daily CNN show before modern records began, physicists have used carbon dating to estimate that it’s been going since roughly the times of the Vikings. The number of public figures that Larry King has interviewed stretches well into the thousands, and the number of genuinely taxing questions he’s asked them stretches to about four.

But now it’s emerged that Larry King is going to quit his CNN show. Don’t look too pleased, though. His replacement could well be Piers Morgan. Yeesh.

Whatever you think of it, you have to admit that Larry King Live performed an invaluable function. Without Larry King, incredibly minor celebrities would have nobody to turn to when they wanted to apologise for whatever dumb crap they’ve just done. Dog The Bounty Hunter and Chris Brown and both Gosselins and that beauty queen with the sex tape who hates the gays -  they’ve all found the time to wail about their flaws on Larry King’s show before waddling off to sleep outside Al Sharpton‘s bedroom window for as long as it takes him to get bored and forgive them.

But lately, Larry King has been the celebrity in the spotlight. Thanks to news of his divorce, and the allegations that he’d been having an affair with his wife’s sister, and the rumours of his wife’s subsequent suicide attempt, had become bigger than most of the people he interviewed. Plus, you know, you can only interview so many shitpot celebrities before the urge to lean over the desk and pummel them to within an inch of their life becomes too much to bear. So maybe that had something to do with it as well. The LA Times reports:

After a quarter century as host of “Larry King Live,” the centerpiece of CNN’s prime-time lineup and a required stamping ground for striving politicians and contrite celebrities, the 76-year-old announced Tuesday that he will be leaving the program this fall… “The daily grind is tough,” King said in a phone call.

Still, let’s not forget that Larry King is an old man, and so if he leaves, then he should absolutely be allowed to do… hang on. Isn’t Piers Morgan going to take his place? No! Larry King must host his show until he dies! Until AFTER he dies! CNN should buy his corpse and just prop it up in a chair while Angelina Jolie drones on at him about her humanitarian work or whatever. It might stink out the studio a bit, but it’d work. Anything but Piers Morgan, seriously.

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Larry King has been interviewing people with bad posture since he was two.

That is to say his posture is poor – that of his guests is nothing less than perfect. They all sit there straight-backed with pinkies extended while flipping through etiquette books and properly addressing each piece of silverware. King’s got a cooking show, right? No?

But as we said – King’s been at this interviewing business for some time now – on his current show since 1985 if our sources are correct. But he can’t keep at it forever you know. If he’s ever going to dedicate himself to making more Jewish/Mormon hybrids he’s gotta act fast. He’s getting older – soon his ovarian tubes will shrivel, drying his man-milk reservoir to an endless low. Before long, for baby making he’ll have to rely solely on fluids drawn from Lake Michigan, which has a one-part spoo three-parts water ratio.

And when he retires, who do you think will have the hunched-at-a-desk prowess, the swivel-chair stamina and the never-ending suspender collection to replace him?

Why, Ryan Seacrest, apparently.

American Idol has long been known as a launching pad for careers in the music biz. After all, it’s where that Clarkson guy got his start, and recent information tells us the show’s even responsible for retroactively discovering Puff Daddy back when he was still full of both puff and daddy. They did it with wormholes or something. Randy Jackson wrote a paper on it once.

Or he didn’t.

The latest career to explode off the singing stage is that of Ryan Seacrest – the guy who we think was possibly voted out in the third round back in season five after he formed a failed alliance with Richard Hatch and the bassist from Bauhaus. We’re not sure about that actually, as the only time we tried watching the show a merciful God intervened and exploded our television by having a gasoline-covered raven fly into the open back and get jammed between channels 22 and 23 (forever in your debt, your Highness).

This Seacrest guy is supposedly in talks to take over Larry King’s show. Don’t believe us? Maybe you’ll believe MSNBC:

“Ryan Seacrest might be adding hosting duties of another kind to his schedule in 2009. A source from within CNN says that Seacrest, who has filled in for his friend Larry King in the past, is involved in “serious negotiations” to take over “Larry King Live” around year’s end. King told The New York Times in April 2007 that Seacrest would be his first choice to take over the show when the time came.”

Don’t get too excited now, others at CNN have denied the story outright.

If it did happen though, we think the show’s format would probably change a tad. Pre-teen girls would be able to vote-in texts to save their favorite politicians, and once per season a tipsy Paula Abdul would be brought in to continue saving Somalia.

By collecting and mass-mailing cheese sticks.

Starving third world warlords need calcium too.

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