It appears that Larry King and his wife are keen to call off the divorce that they announced last week.
This is either brilliant news or terrible news. It could be terrible news because everybody knows that Larry King collects divorces, and getting eight of the little fellas would have marked an all-time personal best for him. If this divorce falls through, then Larry King will have to resort to his fall-back collections – of liver spots and personal memories of the 16th century. They’re good collections, but they’re not great collections.
But it could just as easily be brilliant news. After all, if Larry King has managed to convince his wife not to divorce him – after he reportedly had sex with her sister – then it’s a stone-cold testament to the raw sexual magnetism of Larry King. Oh don’t deny it, he turn you on too.
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Larry King notoriously has a thing for the ladies. And by ‘thing’, we mean ‘withered, shop-worn 76-year-old nutsack’.
But that still counts. Larry King has got married eight times now, and each one of them has ended in horrible failure. Why? We always assumed that Larry King only got married to women so that he could drink their spinal fluid in their sleep to keep him young, and then divorced them once he’d cleaned them out. But maybe we were wrong.
Maybe, as it’s being alleged, Larry King gets divorced because his wives discover his affairs with their sisters. According to reports, King had been enjoying a five-year relationship with Shannon Engemann, the sister of his wife Shawn Southwick. So now you have to imagine wrinkly old Benjamin Button toddler Larry King having frail, borderline nightmarish sex with not just one clenched-faced middle-aged woman, but two. You’re welcome, the internet.
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Nothing makes Larry King feel young like the smell of a freshly-cleaned divorce court. Actually, that’s a lie.
Nothing makes Larry King feel young. Larry King is very old. But he likes getting divorced anyway, which is just as well given that he’s either a terrible husband or he has terrible taste in women. It’s been announced that Larry King is heading for his eighth divorce, this time from wife of 13 years Shawn Southwick, with both parties citing irreconcilable differences.
That’s easy enough to believe, although it’s worth remembering that ‘irreconcilable differences’ can mean anything. For Larry King, it probably means that his marriage hit a stumbling block so large that it couldn’t be resolved by discussions with his spouse or a detached third party. And for Shawn Southwick it probably just means that she got fed up with feeling like an extra on the set of Cocoon all the time.
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It appears that Larry King and his wife are keen to call off the divorce that they announced last week.
