Right, first an admission. The Hangover is the top movie at the weekend box office this week. That’s not the admission.

The admission is that The Hangover was also the top movie at the weekend box office last week as well. But we said that it was beaten by Up because the numbers were quite close and nobody worked it out properly for a few days. So sorry.

Anyway, The Hangover is the top movie at the US weekend box office this week. Unless there’s been another mistake and really it’s Up. Or Drag Me To Hell. Or ET. Whatever.

It doesn’t really matter one way or the other. The Hangover has now been top of the weekend box office for two weeks instead of one, and we happen to think it’s very well deserved indeed. Because it stars Ed Helms, who used to be on The Daily Show which we love. And it also stars Zach Galifianakis, who is about as close to being a genius as we’re willing to admit. And it also stars Bradley Cooper, who was in He’s Just Not That Into You, which is… oh, hang on a minute, that was rubbish. We hate The Hangover. It’s full of turds.

Here’s the weekend box office top five…

1 – The Hangover (Honestly, we’re thrilled that The Hangover has made Zach Galifianakis a star of Will Ferrell proportions. Just a few more years and we can pretend that his shtick is getting old and monotonous in an attempt to make us look cool and ahead of the crowd too, even though we secretly still like him. Hooray) $33,415,000

2 - Up (So, it looks like Up has gone down at the weekend box office this week. Ahahahaha. Ahahahaha. Ahahahaha. Aha. Ahahahahahahaha. Ahaaaaaaaaaa. Fingers crossed that it drops out of the weekend box office top five completely next week, because we’re going to keep doing this joke every week until it does) $30,515,000

3 - The Taking Of Pelham 1 2 3 (We believe that The Taking Of Pelham 1 2 3 was only remade because it’s referenced in the lyrics to Sure Shot by The Beastie Boys. In which case we’re also looking forward to the forthcoming remake of the heartbreaking 1943 Kurosawa classic Bullshit Mic That’s Made Out Of Plastic) $25,000,000

4 - Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian (We still haven’t watched Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian. But we did once see a four-year-old literally piss herself with fear while watching a museum’s 3D audio-visual reconstruction of the big bang, which we’re willing to bet is better) $9,600,000

5 - Land Of The Lost (The fact that Land Of The Lost is one of the flops of the summer proves something that we’ve long thought – Will Ferrell’s shtick is getting old and monotonous) $9,153,000

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Will Ferrell is back for more.

The master of stupidity returns to play misguided scientist Rick Marshall in a bid to break the laws of space and time. Rick claims to have discovered time travel with his Tachyon Amplifier, only to be ridiculed by scientists, the media and everyone who isn’t dog-barking mad. The amplifier works, transporting Marshall, his sexy research assistant Holly (Anna Friel) and redneck buddy Will (Danny McBride) to a post apocalyptic world of aliens, dinosaurs and freaks.

Giant crabs, UFOs and little hairy men are encountered by the group, along with ‘grumpy’ a T-Rex that takes a particular dislike to Marhsall and chases him all over the film. If the group can somehow get home, they’ll be heroes. If they can’t, they’re dinner. Will Ferrell is guaranteed to break your back with laughter in this ridiculous sci-fi comedy. Don’t miss it!

In these days of giant fighting space robots, it’s rare for a movie to top the weekend box office for more than a week.

But Up‘s done it. Pixar’s heartwarming tale of a little old man who becomes so insane with indescribable grief that he literally has to leave the face of the Earth has remained number one at the US weekend box office.

See Dreamworks? This is how you sell a cartoon. Now make sure that Kung Fu Panda 2 ends with the panda developing a harrowing alcohol dependency, and be quick about it. There’s money to be made!

Traditionally the summertime weekend box office is a time for one insultingly expensive tentpole studio movie after another to take the top spot. But this week that’s not the case at all. Land Of The Lost – the biggest film of Will Ferrell‘s career to date – was supposed to romp home with the top spot today, but it hasn’t. It hasn’t because it isn’t funny. Land Of The Lost is so unfunny that people would rather see Up – a film where a woman dies of old age in the first few minutes – because it’s funnier.

Remember that next time, Will Ferrell – more old ladies dying of old age in your movies, please. Here’s the US weekend box office top five…

1 - Up (Since Pixar’s stock-in-trade is now the monumentally harrowing story told in a distractingly cartoony way, we feel it’s safe to reveal that the plot of next year’s Toy Story 3 is basically the plot of Requiem For A Dream, which ends with Buzz Lightyear’s arm rotten and mangled from years of habitual heroin addiction, and Mrs Potato Head reduced to starring in live-action double-ended dildo shows for money. It’ll be fun) $44,244,000

2 - The Hangover (Much has been made of The Hangover’s similarity to 1998’s Very Bad Things. However, we’d argue that this isn’t the case at all, for the simple reason that The Hangover doesn’t feature Cameron Diaz popping up to make a noise like a cat getting its genitals caught in an electric insect-killer every four or five minutes. Thanks for that, by the way, The Hangover) $43,275,000

3 - Land Of The Lost (Compare Land Of The Lost’s weekend box office failure with Talladega Nights’ box office success and take notes – Will Ferrell running in circles in his underpants, good. Will Ferrell dousing himself in dinosaur urine, bad. Remember that) $19,524,000

4 - Night At The Museum: Battle Of The Smithsonian (We haven’t seen Night At The Museum: Night At The Smithsonian yet, but on the off-chance that we do and we don’t like it, we’ve already chosen an alternative title for it – Shite At The Pooseum: Twattle Of The Pissonibum. Feel free to use it, by the way) $14,650,000

5 - Star Trek (We also haven’t seen Star Trek yet but, um, oh we dunno, Bra Trek? Anyone?) $8,400,000

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Folded for the good stuff, Creased for the bad.

Folded:

• Land of the Lost trailer online (and, surprisingly, it looks okay)
• Being only as tall as a Ribena Berry yet still being able to kick everyone’s ass (we’re talking about you, Mr. Jack Bauer)
• The Thing…coming back to your screens on September 15th (a giant widescreen head on legs? We’re there)
• Dr. Oetker pizzas (extra fat, extra taste)
• Dizzee Rascal (don’t let the fact that Dizzee looks like a sixth-former playing truant fool you, he’s alright)

Creased:

• Four minute Terminator Salvation clip online (enough already)
• This year’s The Apprentice contestants.. (..are the worst ever, right? Ben isn’t fit for £100 a year, let alone £100,000)
• Friday night KFC (seriously don’t even get tempted. It’s worse than you could possibly remember)
• Sunny and cold (an increasingly common weather phenomenon for the U.K. For putting you in a good mood, it’s right up there with warm and drizzly)
• Ben Sherman shirts (haven’t been worn correctly for twenty-five years now)