Dealers keep dealin’. Thieves keep thievin’. Whores keep whorin’. Junkies keep scorin’. Trade is on the meat rack. Strip joints full of hunchbacks. Bitches keep bitchin’. Clap keeps itchin’.
You might recognise these as the lyrics from Primal Scream’s exileonmainstreetesque hit, ‘Rocks’. What you may not realise is that the British Conservative Party are big fans too and just love being associated with drug dealing, prostitution, crime and sexually transmitted diseases.
How so? Well, for some inexplicable reason, our Tory chums thought it would be a good idea to play the track at the Conservative Party Conference which saw Theresa May making things up about immigrants and cats. Primal Scream are not happy.
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Politics, what a lot of cobblers. Full of posh and privately educated individuals, the humble person on the street has to work out what’s a lie, or just fabrication. Politicians have a long way to go before the general public appreciate them. Ever seen an MP sticker book? Only people who are liked get this accolade, like randy, closeted footballers.
From what we can gather, the coalition government blames Labour for any problem affecting the UK and they’re here to mend the problems.
This week, David Cameron takes his Conservative minions to Manchester to tell the country how wonderful a job he’s doing and state future plans whilst making terrible jokes. But in a leaked document that was stuffed through the letterbox of the hecklerspray bedsit, we’ve seen potential policies that were scrapped at the last moment. Learning from tricks of the trade from one Tory predecessor Margaret Thatcher, one of proposals will shock you to the core.
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Reading a newspaper doesn’t seem to be as fun as it used to be. Whilst sniggering at the Page 3 girls’ outlook on life, these enlightening comments have now turned to something much more shocking.
Death! Fear! Famine! Terror! Bono! Knives! Guns! They all make for happy and pleasant reading on the way in to work. All before you’re charged £1.80 for a piss weak cup of coffee in the local café.
If the thought of being stabbed to death isn’t great enough to reduce you to a nervous wreck who only watches Jeremy Kyle, we’ve got a new crisis. Apparently, all the banks in the world who rape us via bank charges have run out of money or something. Subsequently, everything is going to cost more and limit us to only seven Starbucks trips a day. With Gordon Brown taking the hit for messing up the country, there seems to have been no help or even a cuddle anywhere. Well that is until JK Rowling came along and donated £1,000,000 of her own money to help him out.
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Kerry Katona could almost be described as the most pointless so-called celebrity that the UK has had the misfortune of breathing life into.
So far in her career, Kerry Katona has been in rubbish girlband Atomic Kitten and left before the group got famous famous, got married to a Westlife pleb, had a few kids with him and then got divorced. And now, between seeing Kerry Katona gracing the pages of trashy women’s magazines with a new problem every week and starring in those awful Iceland adverts, Kerry Katona has never been more famous. Where will it all end? With Kerry Katona sprawled out nude on a trolley, graphically giving birth for a TV show? Not if Kerry Katona has anything to do with it.
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