The thing that really perplexes almost anyone in possession of eyes, ears, a brain and puberty regarding the ?phenomenon? of Justin Bieber is actually what all the fuss is about in the first place. He possesses all the interest and faint repellence of a glass of tepid piss with a mop-top.
But wait! The ugly/interesting rumour of racism/anti-semitism rears its intriguing head! Thank God! (The Christian God, obviously.) It'll be like Mel Gibson?s ?sugar-tits? thing all over again, launching Justin into a fascinating world of well-regarded glove-puppet-orientated indie films!
Oh. It wasn?t even him. It was his mum. Making him even lamer than previously imagined. You're in it deep if – for all your bland, inoffensive marionette dancing, girlish singing, foolish hairstyles and overall disposability – your mother is more exciting than you are.