LA - HecklerSpray

Robbie Williams Carelessly Murdered By Misguided Dream Assassins

January 5th, 2012 By Michael Park

Take That’s Prodigal Son and Stoke’s most irritating son Robbie Williams has been waking up in the night covered in a liquid that isn’t his own urine according to The Daily Star. In an interview with Britain’s least believable paper, Williams?prophesied?that he might be a target for terrorists because he’s so completely important.

The egotist, who recently returned to the warming, Northern embrace of his former Take That, has been ?having trouble sleeping recently and instead of taking a Night Nurse and keeping his massive flapping trap shut, he decided to give an “exclusive” to a woeful Red Top.

Luckily, he’s been having dreams that even Joseph & His Technicolour Fraud Coat wouldn’t have any trouble analysing.

Taylor Swift To Pollute The Inevitably Awful Les Miserables Movie

January 5th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Taylor Swift (the Hayseed Barbie) has apparently been offered the role of Eponine in Tom Hooper’s new ‘Les Miserables’ film, which is clearly terrible news for those chumps amongst you who like overwrought musicals.

What’ll irritate the purists even more is that Swift has seemingly beaten off (no, not like that) actual actors including Lea Michele, Scarlett Johansson and Evan Rachel Wood.

Teenyboppers will be thrilling one off all over their Hello Kitty pen-tops while adults will be puking in their hands at the disgust of it all.

Scarlett Johansson Isn’t A Slob At Home: Also, More Press Inches Since Leaked Nudes

October 31st, 2013 By Mof Gimmers

We’ve seen Scarlett Johansson’s boobs and bum after some clever-dick managed to breach her internet security and show the world her wares, or rather, the way she gives the people she’s boning and lob-on.

And for the most part, jealous woman spat ‘Well, they weren’t THAT good’.

But there’s more to Scarlett than all that. She’s brave. She refused to wear make-up in We Bought a Zoo, whatever the fresh shit that is! However, when she’s at home, she ain’t no slob. You won’t find her eating Variety Packs straight from the box in her stained tracksuit pants watching Cheaters. No way.

Sean Penn Is A Massive Bitch And A Commie One At That

December 21st, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

When Sean Penn’s not being pestered by Scarlett Johansson on the rebound, he’s being all philanthropic and all that jive. Of course, having a political persuasion means you’ll rub some people up the wrong way and they shout at you.

Mercifully for Sean Penn, he’s a grade-a bitch. He has put-downs that could almost match the output of a drag queen convention.

And who found this out at their cost? Why, if it wasn’t a co-star of his who accused Penn of being a Communist. What fun!

Scarlett Johansson’s Musician Boyfriend Must Have A Large Wang Because He’s Got Nothing Else Going For Him

December 19th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Boobs. Now we’ve got that out of the way, let us look at the rest of Scarlett Johansson’s tawdry existence on this wretched, awful speck of dust we call Earth as it revolves its tired way around this cold, unyielding solar system of ours.

Joy! Showbiz joy at that!

Anyway, now ScarJo has stopped dry-humping Sean Penn’s alleged leg, she be prowlin’ for another fancy mate. And remarkably, she’s chosen British musician Dan White, leaving us to assume that Dan White must be in a band with a very canny PR company working behind him or, indeed, Johansson has a penchant for derivative, tuneless indie schmindie.

Scarlett Johansson Talks About Her Leaked Boobs [Video]

October 31st, 2013 By Mof Gimmers

Hey! You probably don’t remember this, but a while ago, Scarlett Johansson got her emails hacked and some nudey photos of her ended up online and a couple of people got to see her bottom and busters.

It probably didn’t seem like much of a big deal to you and you certainly wouldn’t have kept looking at the photos over and over again and, it goes without saying, that there is NO WAY you hoped more explicit shots ended up online… but to ScarJo, she was rather upset.

She cried so hard that the FBI came to help her wipe her tears and BINGO BANGO some chap got arrested, potentially leaving us with intentional photo leaks, which just aren’t as romantic are they?

Blake Lively & Ryan Reynolds Are Still Doing It Like Sexy Pigs

December 13th, 2011 By Joanna Bolouri

You may find this hard to believe but the hecklerspray staff are hideous. It’s true. We’re not a pretty bunch of misanthropes. We’re so ugly in fact, that none of us are able to get a date with anyone who has at least one functioning eye and if we were ever forced to mate with each other, our offspring would look like Michael Berryman, but much shorter and with considerably more hair.

So when we hear about beautiful people who are touching the bottoms of other beautiful people, it makes us terribly unhappy and we feel the need to make fun of them for your amusement, safe in the knowledge that we’ve made fun of ourselves first before you can respond with something annoyingly lame and probably in text speak.

Let’s do this.

Scarlett Johansson Says Marriage Is A Good Idea, Even Though It Clearly Isn’t

October 31st, 2013 By Mof Gimmers

Scarlett Johansson’s boobs. She showed them off to us by accident didn’t she? That’s probably the thing she’ll be remembered for when she dies. Boobs, oh and she did some films. Better to be remembered for titties than forgotten entirely, right?

Either way, we’re not here to talk about breasts all day. We’re talking marriage. Pull up a seat. Let’s get deep.

See, Scarlett is under the assumption that marrying Ryan Reynolds was one of the best decisions she ever made. She split with him after two years and made one of the most annoying perfume adverts in history. But it was still totally the best thing she ever did. Ryan Reynolds. Think about that.

Scarlett Johansson, Taylor Swift And That One From Glee All Vying To Showcase Furrowed Brow In Les Mis

November 30th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

A film version of Les Miserables is afoot and everyone wants in because it really is exactly the kind of overwrought, bust-heaving weariness that gets you an Oscar nomination. And the thesps are circling like vultures!

Scarlett Johansson, Taylor Swift and Lea Michele (the main girl from Glee) are all competing with each other so they can land the coveted role in the upcoming Les Mis movie.

If any brake cables get cut in some terrible ‘accident’, you’ll know exactly who to blame. Right? There’s already a superstar cast signed up for this film too.

Kelsey Grammer Possibly Realising That People Like Frasier More Than Him

October 19th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Kelsey Grammer is a magnificently dislikeable human being. Away from his fine role of Frasier, he supports some real crackpot ideas. He thought George Dubya was a cool guy for a kick-off. Of course, this means he’s nothing like his most famous televisual role.

And it seems that us plebians aren’t the only people who wish he was more like Frasier.

On Piers Morgan’s chatshow (another dolt with a face like a doleful yam), he asked Grammer whether he thought his ex-wife, Camille, married him because he was a TV icon. Kelsey replied: “no, I think she married me because I was Frasier.” He really doesn’t know what to do with those toss salad and scrambled eggs.