Many of us were hoping that Vince Vaughn would remain a committed, party-loving bachelor until the day he died.
Not because it suits him, though. No, we wanted Vince Vaughn to remain unmarried because that way he’d have less inspiration for films like Couples Retreat and The Break-Up, which would be a good thing because those films make us want to hack off our genitals and bury them in the garden as an apology on behalf of Vince Vaughn to the concept of masculinity.
But that’s not to be. On Saturday Vince Vaughn got married to his girlfriend Kyla Weber. And we’re happy for them both. So long as Vince Vaughn promises to never make a film about it.
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You know what makes Vince Vaughn horny? Property. Make Vince watch Location Location Location and he’ll start dry-humping whatever’s closest to him.
Probably. And Vince Vaughn’s possibly-fictitious property fetish goes even further – not only do we expect that he often rubs his groin up and down the kitchen section of Habitat, but he’s also just got engaged to real estate agent Kyla Weber.
Amusingly, the details of Vince Vaughn’s engagement are spectacularly vague – but all that matters is that Vince Vaughn is happy. And also that Jennifer Aniston will have definitely railroaded John Mayer into getting engaged to her by teatime.
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