Kuwait - HecklerSpray

As we speak, Jessica Simpson is in Kuwait, ready to boost troop morale by jiggling her boobies around and kidding herself that people are interested in her singing voice.

It's a lovely, kindhearted thing for Jessica Simpson to do. Or at least it would be, if Jessica hadn't ratcheted up a gigantic bill to hand the organisers in the process.

Although her Kuwait visit is essentially a goodwill trip, Jessica Simpson's private jet, accommodation and beauty entourage will leave concert organisers MySpace hundreds of thousands of dollars out of pocket. That's fair enough, though – those troops want to see a bright-orange man-jawed bimbo of questionable musical credibility, not a bright-orange man-jawed bimbo of questionable musical credibility with a rubbish make-up job.

Fed up with making underwhelming movies and songs, Jessica Simpson has apparently decided to go to Kuwait and gee up the troops there.

We know what you're thinking. Haven't those poor soldiers already suffered enough without Jessica Simpson turning up to bawl bad music at them?

But that's unfair. Maybe Jessica Simpson is only going to Kuwait to perform a concert for the still-green new recruits alone. This is a time of war, remember, and if an inane bimbette warbling flaccid MOR pop songs is what'll break those kids' spirits for good and transform them into the kind of dead-eyed murder machines that the government requires them to be, then that's what needs to be done.

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