Articles tagged with: Kurt Cobain
With all the breathless jizzing that The Beatles: Rock Band has inspired, it's easy to forget that Guitar Hero 5 is out too. And that's a shame. Because in Guitar Hero 5, for the first time ever, you can play songs as Kurt Cobain. Which presumably means that if you complete a song well and become successful, you get depressed and shoot your face off. And yet Guitar Hero is still playing second fiddle to Rock Band. If only there was some way to draw attention to it. What's that? Courtney Love has gone on a berserk Twitter curse-rampage about it? Perfect.
When we found out that Kurt Cobain’s remains had been nicked, we immediately jumped to one conclusion - that his husky ex-wife Courtney Love had to be involved.
Surely you can imagine her grave robbing at 3am whilst the rain lashes down? With a cigarette firmly shoved in her cakehole, she’ll scream to any passing squirrels “he’s mine all mine, they blamed me for his death. But they're wrong! I’ll take him back where he belongsâ€. You can’t? Oh, shame on you.
We can, and yet our theory of Courtney Love scurrying off in the dead of the night to stuff and mount her dead husband was quickly shit on. It turns out that during a robbery in her LA home, the ashes of grunge’s only credible frontman were nicked. And some clothes and jewellery, lets not forget the small details. Maybe it was Dave Grohl being bonkers as usual and wanting to impersonate her. Drummers, mental aren’t they?
Britney Spears is getting ready to launch a new $100 million (that’s £50 million) world-wide comeback tour, according to The News Of The World.
Just recently – just yesterday, in fact - it seemed to all that, like Kurt Cobain and Vincent Van Gogh before her, Britney Spears had reached the end of the line. The feeling was she had nothing left to give - and that all she needed now was one small, gentle push into death’s eternal release. Ahh.
But, unlike like Kurt and Vince before her, she has seemingly decided that she actually does have something more to offer and that she is going to tour the world, giving it out for about $100 dollars a ticket!
Paul Daniels and David Blaine. What have they got in common? They're magic! They defy the powers of the world and cast illusions the likes we mere mortals have never seen.
From shitting out badgers to changing magic wands into flowers, they make Jesus’ trick of turning water in to wine look like nothing. But if you thought that was impressive, wait until you hear about something magical happening in the fashion world. No, models aren’t upping their dietary intake up to an apple and a Twix a day. Instead, the most unlikely of people is launching his own line of shoes. Everyone’s favourite dead rock star Kurt Cobain has somehow given his approval for Converse to whore out his name and make money off his back.
Great to know his anti-corporate values are still being respected then!
Kurt Cobain has the easiest job in the world. All he has to do is blow around on a puff of cloud while looking like cremated-people ash, and he's still making a financial killing. A financial killing is actually a delightful change of pace when you consider what he killed last time. Anybody?
Anybody?
To be true, it's actually Kurt's social security number that's making all the money right now - because somebody apparently stole it. And they've compiled quite a list of acquisitions with the number too - two copies of Celebrity Skin, a Red Box rental for Man On The Moon, lots rehab lunches... the list really does go on.
Or maybe Courtney Love had nothing to do with the theft of Cobain's Social. Perhaps our sources are getting crossed.
