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When you’re in trouble, don’t call Batman, call Billy Crystal. Especially if you’re in need of a host of the Oscars. In fact, specifically if you’re in need of a last minute host for any awards ceremony.
That’s because Billy Crystal is pretty much unable to do anything other than be a vaguely charming awards presenter these days.
So good thing Eddie Murphy quit the job after some gay slurs made everyone quit the gig, right?
Have you seen how outrageously great Eddie Murphy was back in his SNL days? Think about those fantastic films he made way back when! Beverley Hills Cop(s), Trading Places, Coming To America, 48hrs… not to mention stand-up films like Raw.
He was untouchable for a while. And then he went rubbish. Really, really dreadful.
In fact, it all started going wrong in the ’90s with dreck like The Nutty Professor, Shrek, Dr Dolittle and anything that enabled him to play all the characters at once. So what went wrong? It seems he stopped drinking, that’s what.
The Oscars are great aren’t they? Tara Reid likened them to spending a few weeks in the Big Brother house… it really doesn’t get any better than that does it? And now, Eddie Murphy appears to have signed up for the show.
Now, you may be thinking that Eddie’s not done much since (allegedly) groping a drag queen’s bulge and successfully having sex with Mel B with no condom on, but you’d be wrong.
See, as Mel B found out when she had group sex with Murphy (Eddie playing the other six participants, including the token amusing overweight elderly lady), the Beverley Hills Cop has a plan to host and win all the Oscars in 2012.
Eddie Murphy is a jealous, jealous man who doesn’t like to share screentime with anyone else. This is why he plays every single character in the films he makes. Of course, sets must be incredibly lonely for him.
Why else would he have willingly had sex with Mel B?
Anyway, Murphy is all set to be the voice of cartoon character Hong Kong Phooey in a new feature length caper. Don’t remember Hong Kong Phooey? Let us fill you in while being dismissive of stuff. Read More >>>
Martial arts legend and screen icon Jackie Chan survived his own death yesterday, proving once again that he is definitely much harder than Ross Kemp.
But that really isn’t saying much.
Jackie Chan became a top trending topic on Twitter worldwide after rumours of his death began to circulate on the micro messaging site. Now, far be it from us to criticise the users of Twitter, but how stupid do you have to be to rely on it as your primary source of news about celebrity deaths? Read More >>>
If Michael Jackson meets David Carradine in heaven – as unlikely as that’d be – he should expect a great big hug.
Why? Because thanks to Michael Jackson’s death, the world has forgotten about David Carradine and how he died in a Bangkok hotel cupboard wearing a lady’s wig, a set of fishnet stockings and a shoelace that was somehow tied and his neck and penis at the same time. So that’s good.
But David Carradine is back in the news again – a private pathologist has stated that he probably died of asphyxia. Funny, we had money on the cause being embarrassment.
10 - Creepy old adverts from the past – Weirdynews
9 - Victoria Beckham states the obvious – Holy Moly
8 – Oh David Letterman. Employ us…
7 - Hey Fearne Cotton, put something in your hair. No, not that, something stupider. Stupider. Stupider. OK, that’s great, thanks – Popsugar
6 - You heard the man, booze for the Russian cosmonaut please – Ananova
5 - They tried to make Amy Winehouse go to rehab, she said “HAIL XENU!” – Gawker
4 - Acorn Flour! Yes! – Boingboing
3 - There’s a South Park DVD coming out soon that’s shaped like a Bible. Here’s a jokeless video to mark the occasion – Dailymotion
2 - Guitar Hero World Tour. Not even Paramore can blunt our excitement – Cinema Blend
1 - Glorious, glorious kung-fu failure – I Am Bored
