You can stick all this baby Jesus nonsense up your wazoo – nobody knows the true meaning of Christmas more that Hugh Hefner.

And that’s that Christmas is a time when even the world’s most frail-looking 82-year-old man can live out his increasingly creepy wish-fulfilment fantasies by posing with two 19-year-old twins who’ve had their boobs slathered with paint.

And thanks to Karissa and Kristina Shannon, that’s exactly what Hugh Hefner got to do – Hugh’s Christmas card this year features him standing between the bodypainted Karissa and Kristina Shannon with a facial expression situated somewhere between ‘smug’ and ‘kidnap victim’. God bless us, every one.