Posts tagged as:

Kristen Stewart

Robert Pattinson Charms Elephant With Little More Than Endurance

by Mof Gimmers

As every single human on Earth knows (we’re all programmed from birth to wait for this moment), Robert Pattinson is in a film called Water for Elephants. It stars Robert Pattinson, water and, crucially, some of our elephant cousins. Of course, the film needs someone with charisma and acting prowess which, in the case of [...]

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Robert Pattinson Is A Grotesquely Fat Blob

by Mof Gimmers

Robert Pattinson, a man so dull that the colour beige commits suicide in his presence, has told us all something planet-splittingly massive. He has admitted that he wasn’t able to keep up his fitness regime up after he filmed his last Twilight topless scene. Y’mean he isn’t always a rippling God of sinew, tissue and [...]

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Robert Pattinson To Play Superhero In Ill-Advised Sequel

by Michael Park

The best way to start off any gossip piece based primarily on conjecture and hoodoo is to do this: OMG! R-PATTZ IZ GOIN 2B A SOOPER HERO!! And, if the rumours are true the infinitely wooden Mister Pattinson will be taking the lead role in the sequel to 2003 flop Daredevil. According to reports, Twilight: [...]

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Twilight Fans Frighten Robert Pattinson So Much That He Can’t Even Sign A Mortgage

by Mof Gimmers

Come on now. You Twilight fans are insane. Don’t try fighting it because it’s a plain as Robert Pattinson’s incredibly plain face. And for some reason, you hound Rob to the point where he’s almost interesting. Almost. So mental are Twilighteers that, the incredibly wealthy Pattinson is feeling all sad. Well, we think it is [...]

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Robert Pattinson Hopes We Get Bored Of His Really Boring Relationship With Kristen Stewart

by Mof Gimmers

Some famous people exist solely to occupy some space and do it handsomely. Robert Pattinson is one such pup. He’s mystifyingly dull. It is very easy to forget the concept of memory itself while looking at his lifeless being. And so, optimistically, Robert Pattinson hopes that we’ll muster up the energy to recall his relationship [...]

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Kristen Stewart To Bore Everyone Into A Coma As Lois Lane In New Superman Film?

by Mof Gimmers

Yesterday, we showed you our exclusive image of Tudors star Henry Cavill in his new Superman outfit (very CGI based it seems) and now, there’s a bit of gossip which will either set your heart on fire or make you sigh, wondering why and how the world got to be such a crashingly tedious place. [...]

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Robert Pattinson Buys A Sandwich Which Is Nothing Short Of Incredible

by Mof Gimmers

The world was rocked today as the news of Robert Pattinson eating a sandwich slowly leaked around the globe. However, the big story is even more shocking: Pattinson ordered the sandwich himself and quite possibly paid for it with his own money! You thought Robert Pattinson was only good for occupying valuable screen space by [...]

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Kristen Stewart To Play Snow White – Will Nail The Coma Scene

by Mof Gimmers

Kristen Stewart has been praised for her ability to play the undead. It almost seems like a role she was born to play, what with her being so devoid of charisma and vigour that she’s in a constant state of zombifiedery as it is! And now, she’s all set to play another role which will [...]

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Robert Pattinson And Kristen Stewart Are Recognised As Rubbish Actors

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! We’ve been pointing out that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have the acting chops of a ball of wool between them and now, someone else who people will trust, deride or, in our case, use the opinion of to back up our half-hearted claims, have backed up our half-hearted claims. That’s right kiddiekins! There’s [...]

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Robert Pattinson Praises Kristen Stewart’s Portrayal Of A Breathing Cadaver

by Mof Gimmers

As cack-handed compliments go, Robert Pattinson praising Kristen Stewart’s portrayal as a vampire takes some beating. Essentially, what he’s saying is, is that she really is very good at looking devoid of life and entirely pale and hallowed out. Lovely stuff. Of course, this is all being said because Kristen Stewart’s Bella transforms into a [...]

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