Articles tagged with: Kristen Stewart
New Moon: Miley Cyrus Really Doesn’t Like Twilight, OK? Jeez
Let's play a quick game. Things that Miley Cyrus likes: parties, the USA, money, the sound of her own voice. Things that Miley Cyrus doesn't like: Twilight. There must be other things too - like having a dad whose beard is shaped like a stripper's vagina, probably - but Twilight is the main one. Miley Cyrus really doesn't like Twilight. We know this because Miley Cyrus told someone that she didn't like Twilight and now it's news. Because that's how news works. In fact, Miley Cyrus says that she doesn't even believe in Twilight, which is silly because it clearly exists. A damning indictment of the homeschool curriculum from Miley Cyrus, there.
Let's play a quick game. Things that Miley Cyrus likes: parties, the USA, money, the sound of her own voice. Things that Miley Cyrus doesn't like: Twilight. There must be other things too - like having a dad whose beard is shaped like a stripper's vagina, probably - but Twilight is the main one. Miley Cyrus really doesn't like Twilight. We know this because Miley Cyrus told someone that she didn't like Twilight and now it's news. Because that's how news works. In fact, Miley Cyrus says that she doesn't even believe in Twilight, which is silly because it clearly exists. A damning indictment of the homeschool curriculum from Miley Cyrus, there.
New Moon Premiere: Taylor Lautner Wears A Shirt For Once
It's just a matter of days until New Moon is released. What's it going to be like? Well, rubbish, obviously. But forget that. New Moon! Yay! Anticipation for New Moon is at fever pitch - nobody knows anything about it. Well, unless they've downloaded it off the internet already. Or read the book. Or read the Wikipedia page for the book. Or watched any late-night European television commercials for homosexual chat lines. But forget all that too. Because last night the New Moon premiere took place, which is important because it meant that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner all wore nice clothes. We don't have the image rights to show you the clothes. But all's not lost - we've got the next best thing.
It's just a matter of days until New Moon is released. What's it going to be like? Well, rubbish, obviously. But forget that. New Moon! Yay! Anticipation for New Moon is at fever pitch - nobody knows anything about it. Well, unless they've downloaded it off the internet already. Or read the book. Or read the Wikipedia page for the book. Or watched any late-night European television commercials for homosexual chat lines. But forget all that too. Because last night the New Moon premiere took place, which is important because it meant that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner all wore nice clothes. We don't have the image rights to show you the clothes. But all's not lost - we've got the next best thing.
Will There Be A New Twilight Book? Um…
With New Moon being released this week, there's only one question that needs to be asked about the Twilight saga. And that's 'for the love of all that's holy, won't somebody make it stop?' Oh, and also 'now that the saga has become so depressingly popular, will Stephenie Meyer ever write another Twilight book?' That is a question that needs to be asked. It is. It is. Alright, it isn't. But Stephenie Meyer has answered it anyway. So will there be a new Twilight book? Maybe. One day. Unless she thinks of something better to do. Possibly. You're welcome Twilight fans. You're welcome.
With New Moon being released this week, there's only one question that needs to be asked about the Twilight saga. And that's 'for the love of all that's holy, won't somebody make it stop?' Oh, and also 'now that the saga has become so depressingly popular, will Stephenie Meyer ever write another Twilight book?' That is a question that needs to be asked. It is. It is. Alright, it isn't. But Stephenie Meyer has answered it anyway. So will there be a new Twilight book? Maybe. One day. Unless she thinks of something better to do. Possibly. You're welcome Twilight fans. You're welcome.
Kristen Stewart Would Like Everyone To Eff Off Now, Please
There's a good chance that Kristen Stewart is the most envied girl on the face of the planet right now. Why? Just look at her. She doesn't just get to kiss Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner all day long, but she actually gets paid to do it. No wonder Kristen Stewart recently topped an imaginary poll of stars who teenage girls would most like to secretly kill in order to dance around in a nightmarish suit made out of their skin. And how does Kristen Stewart react to all this scrutiny of her private life? By telling the entire world to jolly well eff off, obviously.
There's a good chance that Kristen Stewart is the most envied girl on the face of the planet right now. Why? Just look at her. She doesn't just get to kiss Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner all day long, but she actually gets paid to do it. No wonder Kristen Stewart recently topped an imaginary poll of stars who teenage girls would most like to secretly kill in order to dance around in a nightmarish suit made out of their skin. And how does Kristen Stewart react to all this scrutiny of her private life? By telling the entire world to jolly well eff off, obviously.
Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart: Not A Couple (Unless They Are)
We don't know about you, but we wish that the events in Twilight and New Moon would happen in real life. We wish we knew a topless werewolf. We wish the world was really full of vampires. We really wish that Robert Pattinson would dissolve as soon as he comes in contact with sunlight. But, more than anything, we wish that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were a real couple. But, sadly, they're not. Robert Pattinson has told Vanity Fair as much. Which means that they are. Unless they've broken up. But they haven't. Probably. Unless they're not. Clear?
We don't know about you, but we wish that the events in Twilight and New Moon would happen in real life. We wish we knew a topless werewolf. We wish the world was really full of vampires. We really wish that Robert Pattinson would dissolve as soon as he comes in contact with sunlight. But, more than anything, we wish that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were a real couple. But, sadly, they're not. Robert Pattinson has told Vanity Fair as much. Which means that they are. Unless they've broken up. But they haven't. Probably. Unless they're not. Clear?
Oh For God’s Sake, It’s Another New Moon Trailer
New Moon won't be released for another month, but that's too long for us. We want New Moon to come out now! Why the sudden enthusiasm? Have we finally succumbed to the hype and decided that we'd actually enjoy New Moon? Since we're not fat little squealing 14-year-old girls, we'd have to say no. We actually want New Moon to come out now so that Summit can hurry up and start showing millions of poxy trailers for Eclipse all the bloody time instead. But until then we'll have to put with millions of New Moon trailers, the trillionth of which has just been released. After the jump!
New Moon won't be released for another month, but that's too long for us. We want New Moon to come out now! Why the sudden enthusiasm? Have we finally succumbed to the hype and decided that we'd actually enjoy New Moon? Since we're not fat little squealing 14-year-old girls, we'd have to say no. We actually want New Moon to come out now so that Summit can hurry up and start showing millions of poxy trailers for Eclipse all the bloody time instead. But until then we'll have to put with millions of New Moon trailers, the trillionth of which has just been released. After the jump!
Another New Moon Trailer! That’s Slightly Longer! GNUUUH!
So Kanye West grabbed all the MTV VMA headlines by acting like the world's most unnaturally colossal turd. But that's not the real news. No, the real news is that MTV broadcast a New Moon trailer! Yes, we know that there have already been about a million New Moon trailers, but this one is different. It's very slightly longer! And Robert Pattinson takes his top off in it! And therefore it's more liable to make us want to deliberately binge ourselves into a pharmaceutically-assisted coma just to escape it! Excited about the New Moon trailer? Then you're an idiot. Also, it's after the jump...
So Kanye West grabbed all the MTV VMA headlines by acting like the world's most unnaturally colossal turd. But that's not the real news. No, the real news is that MTV broadcast a New Moon trailer! Yes, we know that there have already been about a million New Moon trailers, but this one is different. It's very slightly longer! And Robert Pattinson takes his top off in it! And therefore it's more liable to make us want to deliberately binge ourselves into a pharmaceutically-assisted coma just to escape it! Excited about the New Moon trailer? Then you're an idiot. Also, it's after the jump...
Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart ‘In Love’, And Other Nauseating Guff
New Moon will be released soon - so soon, in fact, that we can almost smell the mixture of black nail polish and teenage urine from here. But there's trouble on the horizon. According to magazine reports this week, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have dramatically fallen in love and their relationship is threatening to pull the success of New Moon apart. Wait, did we say 'threatening to pull New Moon apart'? Because we meant 'coming off like a cynical marketing stunt designed exclusively to make millions of useless teenage girls become even more unbearably excited about New Moon'. Our mistake.
New Moon will be released soon - so soon, in fact, that we can almost smell the mixture of black nail polish and teenage urine from here. But there's trouble on the horizon. According to magazine reports this week, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have dramatically fallen in love and their relationship is threatening to pull the success of New Moon apart. Wait, did we say 'threatening to pull New Moon apart'? Because we meant 'coming off like a cynical marketing stunt designed exclusively to make millions of useless teenage girls become even more unbearably excited about New Moon'. Our mistake.
