Kourtney Karadshian - HecklerSpray

Kourtney Kardashian Might Be Pulling a Scott Disick

September 25th, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Last time we checked in with Kourtney Kardashian, she had just broken up with her 24-year-old boyfriend, Younes Bendijima. However, the eldest Kardashian wasn’t long moving on; this time taking a play from her ex, Scott Disick’s dating book.

In case you’re not familiar, Scott is currently dating Sophia Richie. A 20-year-old who used to be really good friends with Kendall and Kylie Jenner. Now, it seems that Kourtney might be dating Luka Sabbat…a 20-year-old who hangs out with Kendall and Kylie Jenner.

This week in Kardashian Updates

September 4th, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

I go out of town for the long Labor Day weekend, and all three Kardashian sisters make the news. Of fucking course. Between Kim maybe banging Drake, to Khloe maybe getting married, to Kourtney maybe getting back together with her younger boy toy, the original spawns of Kris Jenner have really been pimping out the shitty new season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

Let’s start with Kris’ original favorite child a.k.a Kimberly Kardashian West, who some have speculated is the “Kiki” Drake is rapping about in “In My Feelings” (Just a heads up, I don’t buy that for a second).

Kanye West is Really Attracted to His Sisters-in-Law

August 11th, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

As we’ve learned over the past decade and a half, Kanye West isn’t exactly subtle when it comes to discussing his feelings. He’s said George Bush didn’t like black people, that Taylor Swift didn’t deserve her MTV award, and that Donald Trump was cool, so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise when he revealed in a new song that he was sexually attracted to all of wife Kim Kardashian’s sisters.

In his new song ‘XTCY’, Kanye admits that he wants to “smash” Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall, and Kylie, and, tbh, I think Kris Jenner is probs really offended he didn’t include her in his list of family members he wanted to fuck.

The KarJenner Calvin Klein Ads Are Effing Atrocious

January 22nd, 2018 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

99% of the time I love Calvin Klein ads and think they’re really naturally sexy without trying too hard. However, they recently teamed up with the definition of tries way too fucking hard to be sexy: the female spawns of Kris Jenner.

That’s right, Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall and Kylie, plus some chick who looks like an Instagram model who was always getting compared to Kim Kardashian, but obviously isn’t Kim Kardashian, are all featured in a new Calvin Klein campaign. Oh, and Kylie is totes pregnant.

Scott Disick Looking to Adopt Sofia Richie

October 3rd, 2017 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Before I get into my favorite hobby of joking about the existence of the entire Kardashian/Jenner family, I would like to take a minute to acknowledge how fucking shitty the world is right now. Yes, I could blog about Las Vegas or hurricanes or the death of Tom Petty, but it’s my birthday, and if I can spend 5 minutes not feeling absolute sadness and dread, than goddammit I’m going to take it!

That being said, all previous speculation about the romantic relationship between Scott Disick and child bride Sofia Richie has officially been taken off the table. It is 100% official that Kim, Khloe and Kylie aren’t the only ones bringing kids into the family, Scott has jumped on this bandwagon as well!

Scott Disick Now Banging Lot Lizard Bella Thorne

May 24th, 2017 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Are you ready for back-to-back blog titles that make no fucking sense? Looks like Hollywood has been really influenced by the Twin Peaks reboot because things are getting weird as fuck. First, Hailey Baldwin is named hottest woman of the year, and now Kardashian Kroney Scott Disick is feeling up queen of the lot lizards, Bella Thorne.

While Kourtney Kardashian has been in Cannes making out with a 23-year-old male model, her baby-daddy Scott decided to do the classy thing and ask one of Kourtney’s little sister’s friends to go on vacation with him…also to Cannes. And given the fact that Bella Thorne MIGHT be a damn fool, she said yes.

We Need to Talk About Kim Kardashian’s Ass

April 26th, 2017 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Titling a blog “We Need to Talk About Kim Kardashian’s Ass” seems a bit trite at this point, I know, but this is actually a totally different type of blog from my previous Kim’s ass blogs, I promise you.

Kim is currently on vacation with her girlfriend’s for sister Kourtney’s 38th birthday, and paparazzi pics have been released that have clearly not been photoshopped because Kim’s ass looks nothing like the ass we are used to, and people are freaking out.

Kourtney and Scott Together; Kim and Kanye Apart?

December 3rd, 2016 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

It’s been a real rollercoaster of emotions for the Kardashian/Jenner sisters these past few months, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to be getting better anytime soon. Over a year after they broke up because of his cheating and alcohol/drug problem, Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick have (not-surprisingly) gotten back together.

Sadly, sister Kim probably won’t be having as happy a holiday season as Kourtney, because, aside from still-overcoming her own traumas after her Paris robbery, her husband, Kanye, just got released from the hospital after his apparent mental breakdown and isn’t living with her and their two kids.

The Kardashians are an Absolute Mess

September 30th, 2016 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

I go on bed rest with a head cold for THREE DAYS and suddenly all hell breaks loose in the land of Kardashian! Rob is Tweeting Kylie’s phone number, Chyna’s Tweeting Rob’s phone number, Rob and Chyna are broken up, Rob had a crush on Kim when he was a kid, and Kris Jenner is still trying to be the fourth Kardashian sister!

If you’re one of those people who can’t be bothered to read ever single damn article about every single damn thing this insane family gets themselves into, but still want a simple rundown on their bullshit, then this is the place for you. Let’s go over what you missed while I was hopped up on cough syrup.

The Game has Banged a lot of Kardashians

September 21st, 2016 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

As the title of this blog suggests, quasi-rapper, The Game, has apparently banged a lot of Kardashians. But I’m guessing there are a few rappers who can say that, AMIRITE?! Anyway, The Game was on The Wendy Williams Show this week because apparently he still has a career, and he revealed he has a sordid sexual history with several Kardashians.

I’m not at all shocked by this, as he’s been hanging with those girls for years and all of them minus Kourtney loooooove the BBC (I’m not talking about the British TV channel), but I am shocked that The Game is still worthy of being on talk shows. Seriously, is he still rapping?!