Articles tagged with: kiss
When Scarlett Johansson tells you something isn't sexy, we wouldn't hold it against you if you believed her. She's a style icon, a Hollywood megastar and a thoroughly beautiful girl. But when the 'not sexy' thing she's talking about is getting off with another one of the most visually pleasing women in the movie business - Penelope Cruz - then, well, we wouldn't hold it against you if you went and told Scarlett she was talking a great big pile of crud. The kiss they shared wasn't a subtle ploy to distract everyone in the world from the fact that all the Hollywood types seem to be getting struck down with one illness or another. No, it's just a part of that new Woody Allen film, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, which is clearly going to be a great big bag of balls. Aside from the scene in question, of course.
There's some damn weird logic working in this world. If a 23-year-old male singer were to say that they wanted to kiss a 15-year-old pop sensation on Sunday, they would rightly be chastised. Probably shot or lynched too. Or just looked down on a lot. They'd probably write a book about their experiences a few years down the line, when the dust had settled. But when it's a 23-year-old female singer saying they want to play tonsil hockey with a child this Sunday then it's just laughed off... Hang on - what? That's not funny. That's just dodgy.
Kiss did a song once with the lyrics, “I wanna rock n roll all night and party every dayâ€. As old withering men, we feel that partying on down with Zimmer frames and emptying their overflowing piss bags doesn’t count as fun.
Just like The Rolling Stones, Kiss are one of those bands who seem to have been around for ever and won’t disappear. Their records are slowly becoming heirloom for millions of families around the world as this dinosaur band's early recordings are passed down from grandmother to great granddaughter.
In the very beginning of Kiss’s existence, technology wasn’t much of a thing. The wheel had just been discovered and recording techniques were slowly being developed. Fast-forward a few million years and crazy Gene Simmons faces a problem for his band of nutty rockers. Blasted technology has bypassed the band and made it easy for followers of the archaic group to get a Kiss song for free.
This has angered chief Kiss man Gene Simmons wants to club anyone who has down this and stopped him from receiving his royalty payments of two sticks to rub together to generate heat for his homely cave.
You know when the Rock played the part of the Scorpion King in that one Mummy movie? You know how he crawled out of hell or something and sat there looking at Brendan Frasier from across the pit of the damned? You know what he was thinking? He was probably thinking 'His lips....they're perfect....' or something along those lines. We know this because a thought bubble briefly appeared on screen while we were watching at home once. Also this kind of clears up why in his wrestling days his secret move looked so much like he was trying to help an unconscious opponent breathe. He's in the Get Smart movie that's gonna be unrolling on us soon, and in it he has to practically suck the lips right off of Steve Carell. You know what he said about it? He said it was '...fantastic.'
It’s that time of the year again when music lovers gather in a field to celebrate the thing they love: live music.
There are all sorts of festivals to cater for all sorts of musical tastes in all four corners of the world. The main ones kick off at this time of year and hecklerspray is here to tell you all you need to know about each festival, who the essential people are to see and which act to avoid so you can queue up for the overflowing shit-filled portaloos.
As the sun sneaks out from behind one of his many clouds, the hot weather looks like it may arrive for one of the festivals that kick starts them all. Download is the chance for 75,000 people to gather together and rock out to leather clad men drenched in tattoos and piercings. Sounds like a bit ropey if you ask us.
A homosexual moment between Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz in Woody Allen’s latest movie is the talk of the 61st Cannes Film Festival. Three cheers for Woody Allen and his much maligned interest in younger women! The news should finally shut up all the player-haters out there - you know who you are! The ones of you who thought it ‘weird’ for a man to show a sexual interest in his own adopted daughter. Well you can now jump off your high horses because, like World War 2 before, the ends always justify the means and the sight of Scarlett and Penelope lezzin' off is no doubt a joyful scene.
Hey everyone, Woody Allen's got a new movie coming out! Wait, where are you going? Come back! Look, we know that most people would rather remove their bellend with the rough side of a cheesegrater than actually watch a Woody Allen film these days, primarily because they're all uniformly rubbish, but this one - entitled Vicky Cristina Barcelona - is different. OK, it's probably not that different at all really - we're willing to bet it'll be as painfully rubbish to watch as anything else Woody Allen has released in the last 20 years - but in this one Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz have a bit of a kiss. We've got the video after the jump, effectively saving you the price of a cinema ticket. We're good to you, no?
Most men in Paul McCartney's position would have spent the last week sitting at home in the dark forlornly wondering how they ever let a catch like Heather Mills slip through their fingers.
Not Paul McCartney, though, now that his divorce is finalised, he's flown off to the Caribbean to jam his tongue down the throat of his American millionaire friend Nancy Shevell in front of some probably fairly nauseated holidaymakers.
So congratulations to Paul McCartney for moving on. True, Nancy Shevell might not regularly scream the word 'paedophile!' on breakfast TV in a funny voice, nor did she embark on a gruesome 1980s soft-porn career, not does her mouth wriggle sinisterly up one side of her face when she tries to smile, but Paul McCartney was never going to hit the jackpot twice in a row, was he?
