If you own ears and at least one solitary braincell, rejoice! Why? The Kings of Leon have cancelled their tour of the USA which means that you don’t have to walk around with socks stuck in your lugs on the off-chance you’ll dander past one of their dreary stadium shows by accident.
This has left the band saying that they’re “ashamed” and “utterly depressed”, which could well be in reference to their back catalogue, which they’ve finally got around to listening to after years of constant touring coming to a sudden close.
The news comes on the back of a pretty lousy gig in Texas recently, where singer Caleb Followill fled the stage to be sick, to which he didn’t come back. Are there big problems underneath this puke? ARE THEY GOING TO SPLIT UP?
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Do you like gay people? Perhaps you’re a gay person yourself? Doesn’t matter one jot. That’s because Miley Cyrus likes gay people more than anyone else, ever. How do we know this? Because she’s got a tattoo.
As well you know, young people get tattoos about the things they feel strongly passionate about… the things they will stand-by for life… and boy, Miley means it, maaaaaan.
See, she’s decided to get a tattoo that shows that she supports gay marriage. What have you done? Nothing we bet. Unless you happen to be gay and have got married. Even then, marriages don’t often last as long as tattoos, so even you lose.
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In about fifteen years, we’ll all look back, scratch our heads and wonder why we spent so much of our lives on Twitter. As times change, everything gets replaced with a slicker, faster and generally better version.
Originally we had MySpace where we could create epileptic backgrounds, but once people got sick of being spammed by rubbish bands, everybody jumped over to Facebook. You know, that one Justin Timberlake made a film about or something.
Twitter is nothing more than a condensed version of Facebook, minus the dodgy games that are created by hackers to steal your bank information. Nearly everybody is on Twitter, from your local butcher telling you what’s been freshly slaughtered, or some sleb plugging something they’re involved with. One person who’s been off Twitter is loveable Disney breakaway brat Miley Cyrus but we can all happily rejoice knowing that Miley is back on Twitter! This is bigger news than the Royal Wedding.
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The world is a confusing place isn’t it? So many puzzling questions left unanswered, that even the hecklerspray writers are unable to sleep at night.
When we should be having midnight feasts and pillow fights, we’re pacing the sticky floors of our bedsit, desperately looking for answers to questions like: ‘Why does anyone under the age of dead listen to Ronan Keating?’ or ‘What possessed Brian Harvey to eat THREE baked potatoes before driving over himself?’.
However, there is one thing we can categorically say we’re not in the slightest bit uncertain about. WE ARE REALLY GLAD WE’RE NOT MILEY CYRUS. Read More >>>
Just the other day, we were putting together a list of the most individual singers and musicians who are currently involved in the music scene. How about The Rolling Stones? Nah, they’re just walking corpses. Lady Gaga? Pft, she spends too much time ripping off Madonna and designing stinging nettle dresses.
You know who topped our list? The totally awesome Miley Cyrus!
We’ve got all her albums, singles and even have her autograph inked on our bum cheeks. She’s so influential, that we’re smoking a bong of salvia right now! But not everything the life of Miley Cyrus is sweet and rosy. The world class singer has issues with fame grabbing singers such as Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black who posted clips on YouTube to gain fame. They definitely didn’t work as hard as Miley who had the benefit of having a father with a world renowned terrible single and getting her own TV show courtesy of Uncle Walt Disney.
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There’s nothing quite as depressing as seeing a divorced father in action and Billy Ray Cyrus is doing a grand job of being a constant source of maudlin fun. He’s a walking microwave meal for one. The poor sod.
Of course, he’s limping around, hauling his lonely posterior to anyone who’ll listen because it is better than talking to the four walls of his very empty house.
With this desperate plea for affection, Billy Ray has been giving interviews and talking about his personal life in such detail that it seems like we’re mere seconds away from him showing us the poo he did this morning, before he puts it back into his pocket and has a little cry.
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Miley Cyrus is in grave danger of losing any credibility she had in the world by associating herself with stadium rock ponces, Kings of Leon. That’s right. The Hannah Montana starlet has been flirting it up with the one called Jared Followill.
Cyrus has had a tough couple of months, watching her parents split up and resultantly, seen her mum fawning over Bret Michaels who is as manly as a tit in a vagina shaped pink bra made out of tampons and lattes.
And so, Miley went slightly off the rails (read: had fun with her mates) by getting a dream catcher tattoo (most teenage girls are content to simply hang the real thing in their bedrooms before realising that they’re helplessly hokey), indulging in some mild lesbianism and smoking a bong filled with salvia. However, getting a Kings of Leon member in her life is going to leave her looking like the most uncool human on Earth (Kings of Leon aside, natch).
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The onscreen chemistry between Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart is what makes Twilight so popular.
Actually, that’s a fib. Sorry. Cynical marketing aimed at a notoriously stupid demographic is what makes Twilight so popular – Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have the onscreen chemistry of two learning-disabled second-hand toilet brushes after an extensive series of amateur lobotomies. But, hey, that’s just onscreen – offscreen Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are totally doing it.
Probably. They went to a Kings Of Leon concert on Saturday and were photographed having what appears to be a little snog, anyway. Romantic. And sort of off-puttingly grubby.
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