Articles tagged with: Kim Kardashian
WEBTHUMP! 18 November 2009
10 - HILARIOUS OR DISTURBING? A 19-year-old boy crying and punching a wall because he doesn't like Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 very much - Geekologie 9 - That Channel 4 3D season. Not great, is it? - Watchwithmothers 8 - Kim Kardashian with her mouth taped up. Make the most of it, folks - AmyGrindhouse 7 - Boy, Chris Rock's dinner parties sure sound fun - Monsters And Critics
WEBTHUMP! November 4 2009
10 - Here, have a story about bat-centric oral sex - Slantedscience 9 - And now, for anyone who thinks that Nintendo Wiis aren't creepy enough - Geekologie 8 - The Roots have missed their calling. Hip-hop's gain is 1970's MOR deep, deep loss - MyChemicalToilet 7 - What did Kim Kardashian dress up as for Halloween? What? A sort of prostitutey Disney princess? Get out of town - AmyGrindhouse
Kim Kardashian Notices Lack Of Attention, Gets New Boyfriend
It's all go with the Kardashian sisters! Khloe Kardashian got married, Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant and, um... Wait, there was another one. Oh, what was her name? Karen Kardashian? No, that's not it. Kolin Kardashian? That's not it either. Oh, Kim! That's it! Kim Kardashian! Wow, we have to say that it's incredibly gracious of Kim Kardashian to remain in the background like this while her two sisters have their moment in the spotlight. What's that? Kim Kardashian has decided to get back with her old boyfriend Reggie Bush? Because she loves him, and not just because she's a giant attention whore? Oh, OK.
It's all go with the Kardashian sisters! Khloe Kardashian got married, Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant and, um... Wait, there was another one. Oh, what was her name? Karen Kardashian? No, that's not it. Kolin Kardashian? That's not it either. Oh, Kim! That's it! Kim Kardashian! Wow, we have to say that it's incredibly gracious of Kim Kardashian to remain in the background like this while her two sisters have their moment in the spotlight. What's that? Kim Kardashian has decided to get back with her old boyfriend Reggie Bush? Because she loves him, and not just because she's a giant attention whore? Oh, OK.
Go Bonkers, Khloe Kardashian Is Getting Married! Like, Now!
Those Kardashian sisters, they're really something. There's Kim, who is famous for having an absolutely gargantuan bum, and was once in a homemade porno film with the soul music sensation Ray J, in which they spend a period of time with their tongues wrestling outside of their mouths like slugs on crystal meth. Then there's Kourtney, who took a simple everyday household name like Courtney, but took away the "C" and replaced it with a "K". Plus, of course, there's Khloe, who did a similar "C"/"K" trade off, and who - we are delighted to report - is getting married! To some basketball player! Who we've never heard of! Because we don't watch basketball! But, for those of you who do, she's getting hitched this Sunday to a magnificently tall athlete called Lamar Odom, who plays for the LA Lakers. He's, like, nine feet tall or something.
Those Kardashian sisters, they're really something. There's Kim, who is famous for having an absolutely gargantuan bum, and was once in a homemade porno film with the soul music sensation Ray J, in which they spend a period of time with their tongues wrestling outside of their mouths like slugs on crystal meth. Then there's Kourtney, who took a simple everyday household name like Courtney, but took away the "C" and replaced it with a "K". Plus, of course, there's Khloe, who did a similar "C"/"K" trade off, and who - we are delighted to report - is getting married! To some basketball player! Who we've never heard of! Because we don't watch basketball! But, for those of you who do, she's getting hitched this Sunday to a magnificently tall athlete called Lamar Odom, who plays for the LA Lakers. He's, like, nine feet tall or something.
Kourtney Kardashian & The Koat Hanger
Imagine just how difficult it must be as a pregnant Kardashian - you're body's got incredibly large, fleshy lumps spilling over both sides, and your several dozen tiny bathing suits no longer fit. This is particularly a shame as they literally cost you thousands. Perhaps these are all reasons why the recently pregnant Kourtney is telling us she considered the A-word as a means of baby disposal. Sure, if she goes through with the abortion it'll probably be in the third trimester for a ratings boost, but now it looks like she's gonna birth the kid as a ratings boost instead.
Imagine just how difficult it must be as a pregnant Kardashian - you're body's got incredibly large, fleshy lumps spilling over both sides, and your several dozen tiny bathing suits no longer fit. This is particularly a shame as they literally cost you thousands. Perhaps these are all reasons why the recently pregnant Kourtney is telling us she considered the A-word as a means of baby disposal. Sure, if she goes through with the abortion it'll probably be in the third trimester for a ratings boost, but now it looks like she's gonna birth the kid as a ratings boost instead.
Kourtney Kardashian Is Shoved Full Of Babies (Not Neccessarily Plural)
What children need when coming into this world is stability, warmth, and most importantly, a great big butt to spill out of when the doctor comes a'callin'. After all, the the more exit room the less likely the baby is to realise that that's exactly what a fart must feel like. In a world where children's fart sympathy is starting to cause so much unrest, we really can't stress big-birthing-butt importance enough. Speaking of which - a Kardashian is stuffed with child, and we don't mean their mother again!
What children need when coming into this world is stability, warmth, and most importantly, a great big butt to spill out of when the doctor comes a'callin'. After all, the the more exit room the less likely the baby is to realise that that's exactly what a fart must feel like. In a world where children's fart sympathy is starting to cause so much unrest, we really can't stress big-birthing-butt importance enough. Speaking of which - a Kardashian is stuffed with child, and we don't mean their mother again!
Kim Kardashian Splits Up With Her Beloved Bush
Kim Kardashian knows what she likes in a man - strength, athleticism, access to a videocamera and an internet connection. But it's back to square one. Sadly Kim Kardashian and her boyfriend Reggie Bush have announced their split after two years. It's sad news, and we don't want to think about how much sadder it'd be if we cared a jot about either of them. So now Kim Kardashian has to go through the whole dating process all over again - selection, seduction, emotional bonding, recording and releasing an explicit sex tape onto the internet, that sort of thing. The poor girl.
Kim Kardashian knows what she likes in a man - strength, athleticism, access to a videocamera and an internet connection. But it's back to square one. Sadly Kim Kardashian and her boyfriend Reggie Bush have announced their split after two years. It's sad news, and we don't want to think about how much sadder it'd be if we cared a jot about either of them. So now Kim Kardashian has to go through the whole dating process all over again - selection, seduction, emotional bonding, recording and releasing an explicit sex tape onto the internet, that sort of thing. The poor girl.
BIG NEWS! Kim Kardashian’s Hair Sort Of Changes Colour
Swine Flu? Forget swine flu. Global economic catastrophe? Screw that as well. There's only one real news story today. Brace yourselves. Kim Kardashian's hair is very slightly lighter than it used to be. We know. How on earth are any of us expected to concentrate on anything at all today knowing that Kim Kardashian's hair is almost imperceptibly blonder than it was a week ago? What if surgeons or aircraft pilots were to suddenly start thinking about how marginally different Kim Kardashian's hair was now instead of their real jobs? We'd all be dead. You hear that, Kim Kardashian? DEAD.
Swine Flu? Forget swine flu. Global economic catastrophe? Screw that as well. There's only one real news story today. Brace yourselves. Kim Kardashian's hair is very slightly lighter than it used to be. We know. How on earth are any of us expected to concentrate on anything at all today knowing that Kim Kardashian's hair is almost imperceptibly blonder than it was a week ago? What if surgeons or aircraft pilots were to suddenly start thinking about how marginally different Kim Kardashian's hair was now instead of their real jobs? We'd all be dead. You hear that, Kim Kardashian? DEAD.
