Posts tagged as:

killed

Doctor Who Character To Be Killed Off Until They Are Dead

by Mof Gimmers

Right. Nerds. Listen up. Read these words. SPOILER! SPOILER! POTENTIAL SPOILER! SPOILER! OI! SPOILER ALERT! SPPPPOOOOIIIIILLLEER! Okay? Now, if one of you whines and bitches about having your rubbish life turned upside down by some rumour about a TV show, you’re an idiot. Now we’ve got the pleasantries out of the way, we are now [...]

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Darius, so *close*!

by Ralph Sanders

I honestly don’t know why people want to know the goings-on of the third placed contestant of a rubbish talent show that aired nine years ago, but in case anyone is bothered, Darius Danesh (or whatever he’s called now) nearly died at the weekend. Nearly died. Not ‘actually’ died. Not ‘suffered irreparable damage to his [...]

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Ozzy Osbourne Doesn’t Bite The Head Off His Dog, But It Still Ends Up Dead

by Ian Dransfield

The world of entertainment has lost another of its true greats, adding yet another name to the list of death in the last few months. Following the hysterical splurge of affection for a man who just the day before was being mocked around the clock on Michael Jackson‘s death, through the shameful ignorance shown by [...]

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Mark David Chapman’s 5th Parole Attempt Shot Dead

by Shawn Lindseth

As websites go, hecklerspray is one particularly bent on justice. For instance, we think Charles Manson should get another life sentence or two tacked on to that which he was already given. We’d like to see Ted Bundy get executed again, and for the love of Pete we think it high time Rachel Ray finally [...]

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Katherine Heigl Sadly Still Not Being Killed

by Stuart Heritage

Katherine Heigl is well known for violently hating everything she’s ever been involved with, to which the logical answer is obviously death.

That was thought to be the reasoning of the Grey’s Anatomy team, anyway – sick of listening to Katherine Heigl bitch on about everything all the time like the dreadful donkeymouth she certainly appears to be, rumour had it that they were going to kill her character off in the most painful, degrading, mean-spirited way possible.

Sadly that’s not the case. An ABC bigwig has come forward to publicly declare that Katherine Heigl is going to live forever, more or less. On Grey’s Anatomy, at least – for all we know someone might push a piano out of a helicopter onto Katherine Heigl’s head tomorrow. By the way, if that actually happens, we had nothing to do with it. We looked into it and helicopters are impractically expensive.

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Who Killed Marilyn Monroe? Bobby Kennedy, Says New Book

by hecklerspray staff

Marilyn Monroe was tricked into killing herself by Bobby Kennedy.

So says Dr Jack Hattem, who, backed up by secret FBI files, says the Hollywood bombshell was somehow fooled into believing she would be revived in time as part of a plot involving Senator Robert Kennedy, the brother of JFK, who was gunned down 40 years ago this week.

Instead, Monroe, who staged many fake suicide attempts throughout her life to gain sympathy, was left to die by staff and friends. It’s all in Hattem’s new book Marilyn Monroe: Murder By Consent.

Certainly, Marilyn Monroe may have been dead for 46 years, but that doesn’t mean that people have stopped speculating about the circumstances of her death. We spoke to Dr Hattem and listened to some of his more compelling claims, including where Kennedy was on the night of Marilyn Monroe’s death and why the recently unearthed Marilyn Monroe sex tape might not be the only one knocking about.

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Mick Jagger Almost Murdered: This Just In From 1969

by Stuart Heritage

Hot news from almost four decades ago – some men on motorbikes thought about killing Mick Jagger once.

According to a BBC documentary, some Hell’s Angels tried sailing a boat to Mick Jagger’s house to kill him in 1969, but they were crap at sailing and all got thrown overboard so they just decided to go home again.

We know, we know. Deep breaths. As shocking as it when a public figure is murdered with no warning, it pales into insignificance when compared to when a man doesn’t get murdered without warning. In fact, right now, just this second, we didn’t get murdered either. And there was no warning. Hecklerspray: officially the Mick Jagger of the internet. In one hopelessly tenuous way.

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Lane Garrison: 40 Months In Jail For Drunken Boy-Killing

by Stuart Heritage

While it’s often claimed that celebrities usually get an easy ride when it comes to the law, Lane Garrison is living proof that moderately minor stars of TV shows that used to be good but aren’t any more don’t get that easy ride.

Lane Garrison – the dead ginger pickpocket from Prison Break – is the guy who drunkenly smashed his car into a tree in December, killing a teenage boy and seriously injuring two others. And yesterday after a series of psychiatric tests, Lane Garrison was sentenced to 40 months in jail for the crime. Let’s just hope that Garrison doesn’t befriend a heavily-tattooed escape artist while in jail – not because he’d copy the plot of Prison Break and escape, but because he’d copy the plot of Prison Break and get really dull.

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