HecklerSpray

Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy

Kiefer Sutherland Free To Headbutt Anybody He Likes, Sort Of

July 22nd, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Kiefer Sutherland, Kiefer Sutherland headbutt, Kiefer Sutherland prosecuted, Brooke Shields, Jack McCulloughGetting headbutted by Kiefer Sutherland would be amazing – it’d be like Rembrandt painting you a picture.

Because Kiefer is a master headbutter. Sure, it’d be better if he tied you to a chair, put your feet in a bucket of water and electrocuted you with a cable torn from a standard lamp but that’s hardly practical on a day-to-day basis. No, Kiefer Sutherland’s headbutt is the perfect expression of form and content.

The Manhattan District Attorney’s office realises this, so it won’t be prosecuting Kiefer Sutherland for allegedly headbutting that guy back in May. What a heartwarming story. About headbutts.

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Kiefer Sutherland: How Long Will He Go To Jail For This Time?

May 7th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Kiefer Sutherland, Brooke Shields, Kiefer Sutherland jail, Kiefer Sutherland headbutt, 24As the star of 24, Kiefer Sutherland knows a bit about the law. For instance, it’s completely OK to suffocate your brother to death.

Also, the good guys are always bad, and the bad guys are always good. And never trust the brown ones. So when Kiefer Sutherland allegedly headbutted Jack McCollough on Tuesday, it made him a bad guy. But then again, Kiefer Sutherland was protecting the honour of Brooke Shields – so he’s a good guy.

Then again, he’ll probably spend a few more months in jail for it. So he’s bad. Or good. Oh, let’s just settle on depressing.

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