HecklerSpray

Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy

Sponsored Video: Kiefer Sutherland Gets Moist and Fluffy

October 25th, 2012 By Nic Ferguson

kiefer sutherland acer cupcakesWe all have our passions, including renowned badass Kiefer Sutherland, who appears in this action-packed, cupcake-themed commercial from the folks at Acer. Yes, they’re the laptop people, and yes, I just used “action-packed” and “cupcake-themed” in the same sentence.

In the video, Sutherland is on a mission. In typical Jack Bauer fashion, he takes on this mission full force. His assignment? Cupcakes. He wants to make cupcakes. And by shaking down an unsuspecting stranger and intimidating a woman in a grocery store, he sets out to accomplish this moist and fluffy goal.

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Happy Easter Everyone! Here’s Some Famous People Who Have Also Risen From The Dead!

April 1st, 2010 By Josh Burt

Christians around the world will be marking the day that Jesus casually strolled out of his tomb and blew everyone's minds, by frenziedly heaping great big handfuls of chocolate egg into their mouths, whilst enjoying Mel Gibson?s rather angry take on The Life of Brian.

Yes sir, it's going to be a great few days.

Anyway, in honour of this chocolatey holiday, we thought it high time we paid our respects to some other historical figures – more specifically, famous people – who have also risen from the dead. Only in a slightly less literal sense. They weren't actually dead. They were just jobless for a wee bit.

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Kiefer Sutherland Outwitted By Imaginary Cows, Or Something

January 27th, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Kiefer Sutherland, 24, Jack BauerJust a hunch here, but we don’t think that 24 will come to an end soon. Or ever, now we come to mention it.

It can’t. Kiefer Sutherland can’t afford for it to stop. Because, if reports are to be believed, Kiefer Sutherland has been conned out of $896,000 by a huckster operating a fraudulent cattle-based scam. Apparently Kiefer was promised a tidy return for an investment into a Mexican cow-selling scheme that looks as if it didn’t ever exist.

Which means that 24 will probably continue for years, until it largely revolves around Jack Bauer bursting into rooms and then immediately forgetting what he went in there for. We’d watch it.

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WEBTHUMP! Christmas Special 2009!

August 6th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

10 – What booze to drink if you don’t want a hangover – Slantedscience

9 – Amy Winehouse is queen of the panto heckle – PopEater

8 – It’s A Wonderful Life. OH, IS IT? – Interestment

7 – Who’s the best personality of 2009? You will genuinely not believe this – Popsugar

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24: Season 7 – DVD Review

August 5th, 2012 By David Scarborough

11wenap-150x150In 24, Jack Bauer has managed to successfully battle presidential assassinations, nuclear bombs and wild cougars over the years – but latter seasons have left audiences less than gripped.

Season 7 sets to bring back what made the show unmissable – and it’s the best season so far.

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Kiefer Sutherland Free To Headbutt Anybody He Likes, Sort Of

July 22nd, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Kiefer Sutherland, Kiefer Sutherland headbutt, Kiefer Sutherland prosecuted, Brooke Shields, Jack McCulloughGetting headbutted by Kiefer Sutherland would be amazing – it’d be like Rembrandt painting you a picture.

Because Kiefer is a master headbutter. Sure, it’d be better if he tied you to a chair, put your feet in a bucket of water and electrocuted you with a cable torn from a standard lamp but that’s hardly practical on a day-to-day basis. No, Kiefer Sutherland’s headbutt is the perfect expression of form and content.

The Manhattan District Attorney’s office realises this, so it won’t be prosecuting Kiefer Sutherland for allegedly headbutting that guy back in May. What a heartwarming story. About headbutts.

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Kiefer Sutherland Charged With Being A Headbutty Maniac

May 8th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Kiefer Sutherland, Kiefer Sutherland charged, 24, Jack Bauer, Jack McCullough, Brooke ShieldsKiefer Sutherland isn’t Jack Bauer. Hard to believe, we know, but they’re different in just about every way.

Jack Bauer, for instance, breaks the law in all sorts of spectacular ways to save America from terrorists then gets pardoned by the president afterwards. Kiefer Sutherland, on the other hand, commits petty crimes to save 1980s actresses then gets charged afterwards.

Kiefer Sutherland has been charged with minor assault following his alleged headbutting incident this week. Sad – we wanted to see how far he’d take this hobby. Maybe he’d end up shoplifting a Chunky Kit Kat for Molly Ringwald or something.

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Kiefer Sutherland: How Long Will He Go To Jail For This Time?

May 7th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Kiefer Sutherland, Brooke Shields, Kiefer Sutherland jail, Kiefer Sutherland headbutt, 24As the star of 24, Kiefer Sutherland knows a bit about the law. For instance, it’s completely OK to suffocate your brother to death.

Also, the good guys are always bad, and the bad guys are always good. And never trust the brown ones. So when Kiefer Sutherland allegedly headbutted Jack McCollough on Tuesday, it made him a bad guy. But then again, Kiefer Sutherland was protecting the honour of Brooke Shields – so he’s a good guy.

Then again, he’ll probably spend a few more months in jail for it. So he’s bad. Or good. Oh, let’s just settle on depressing.

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Kiefer Sutherland Headbutts Guy To Save Brooke Shields’ Life Or Dignity

May 6th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

kiefersutherlandAs anyone who has ever seen 24, Lost Boys or his mugshot already knows – Kiefer Sutherland is tougher than a t-rex’s calcified colon.

Sure, he likes talking about little baby ponies a little more that your typical hero, and he refers to his favourite shirt as the ‘one covered in speckled rainbow,’ but aside from that he has got what it takes to save people’s lives. On TV.

Also sometimes he awkwardly intervenes on behalf of distressed damsels in real life too. For instance, he recently came to the aide of an ‘assaulted’ Brooke Shields.

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WEBTHUMP! Friday 13 March 2009

August 6th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

10 – The most gruesome thing you’ll read, possibly ever – Best Week Ever

9 – How to sleep better (unwritten lesson – stop watching YouTube videos of octopuses, because you know they’ll only scare you) – Toiletpaperentrepreneur

8 – Kiefer Sutherland, smart or casual? YOU DECIDE – Popsugar

7 – That bloody Jesus, he’s everywhere – I Am Bored

6 – Want to build a granite fireplace? OK! – Instructables

5 – A Korean draws lots of English things – Flickr

4 – Sexy action figures. No, we’re not making this list up – Manofest

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