Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
So, in last year’s HecklerSpray Advent, I listed all the Kardashian pregnancies as one of the year’s pop culture highlights, so this year I’m obviously going to list those actual babies!
Kris Jenner got THREE new money-makers this year with the births of Chicago (horrible name), Stormi (great name), and True (I’m indifferent).
I go out of town for the long Labor Day weekend, and all three Kardashian sisters make the news. Of fucking course. Between Kim maybe banging Drake, to Khloe maybe getting married, to Kourtney maybe getting back together with her younger boy toy, the original spawns of Kris Jenner have really been pimping out the shitty new season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
Let’s start with Kris’ original favorite child a.k.a Kimberly Kardashian West, who some have speculated is the “Kiki” Drake is rapping about in “In My Feelings” (Just a heads up, I don’t buy that for a second).
As we’ve learned over the past decade and a half, Kanye West isn’t exactly subtle when it comes to discussing his feelings. He’s said George Bush didn’t like black people, that Taylor Swift didn’t deserve her MTV award, and that Donald Trump was cool, so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise when he revealed in a new song that he was sexually attracted to all of wife Kim Kardashian’s sisters.
In his new song ‘XTCY’, Kanye admits that he wants to “smash” Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall, and Kylie, and, tbh, I think Kris Jenner is probs really offended he didn’t include her in his list of family members he wanted to fuck.
I’m not 100% sure if I’m allowed to use the word “dick” in the title of a blog, but I’m going to go with it and see what happens. Its been over two months since the world found out that Tristan Thompson was throwing his dick around while Khloe Kardashian was pregnant with their daughter, True, but we’ve yet to hear anything from Khloe on the matter.
While sister, Kim, told Ellen Degeneres that the whole thing was fucked up, Khoe has stayed silent…until now.
Well, let’s all do a slow clap for Khloe Kardashian, who has officially claimed the title of dumbest spawn of Kris Jenner. The title was officially held by Rob for letting Blac Chyna finesse him into having a kid with her.
As you may recall, just two days before Khloe popped out their daughter, True, Tristan was caught sliding into the DMs (and so much more) of every wannabe butt model on Instagram the entire time Khloe was pregnant. I’d like to think most sane women would kick their cheating baby daddy to the curb after being caught on video motorboating another bitch while they were pregnant, but Khloe is from Calabasas and sanity isn’t really a thing over there.
So, we have another update in the ongoing saga that is Khloe Kardashian’s life. She has recently taken to Instagram to announce that her and Tristan “Third Trimester” Thompson have named their baby girl True Thompson.
Word on the street is that Khloe is so smitten with baby True and in all this baby bliss that she’s probs going to forgive Tristan for his wandering dick ways. Okurrrrr, Khloe. Ugh.
What a whirlwind few days it’s been for Khloe Kardashian! Three days ago, news broke that her baby daddy, Tristan Thompson, had been throwing his dick to every Instagram model in the US, and yesterday she gave birth to the couple’s baby girl!
According to TMZ and Us Weekly, Kourtney, Kim, Kris AND Tristan were all present for the baby’s birth, and I would honestly pay good money (ok, like $5) to have been a fly on the wall in that delivery room to the see the level of shade being thrown Tristan’s way.
For years, tabloid magazines have been insinuating that Jennifer Aniston is Hollywood’s lost cause who will never be lucky in love, but I feel like she should sent some nice flowers Khloe Kardashian’s way, because there is no denying that Koko is officially the most unlucky in love broad in all of California.
First, Lamar Odom does crack and cheats on her with every brothel bitch between Calabasas and Connecticut, now baby-daddy Tristan Thompson has been caught on camera with not one, but TWO other women, all while Khloe is 9 months pregnant with their baby girl.
99% of the time I love Calvin Klein ads and think they’re really naturally sexy without trying too hard. However, they recently teamed up with the definition of tries way too fucking hard to be sexy: the female spawns of Kris Jenner.
That’s right, Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall and Kylie, plus some chick who looks like an Instagram model who was always getting compared to Kim Kardashian, but obviously isn’t Kim Kardashian, are all featured in a new Calvin Klein campaign. Oh, and Kylie is totes pregnant.
If you’re wondering why this isn’t a blog about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s new baby girl who was born three days ago, the answer is very simple: until they tell me what foolish ass name they’ve chosen for this kid, I refuse to blog about her. Plain and simple.
However, that doesn’t mean I won’t blog about Kim in general, and today Kim did something totally blog worthy when she took to Twitter to clap back at her former brother-in-law, Lamar Odom.
