Articles tagged with: Kevin Federline
Britney Spears: You’re Not Free ’til 2009
Another day, another wonderful look into the personal life of a fame casualty. Well, we say 'a', we should really say 'the' fame casualty. Yes folks, it's Britney Watch day 35,598 - what's going to happen?! Not much really, but still - the conservatorship that has been in place since February of this year has been extended for another five months. Meaning what, exactly? Well, that daddy gets to tell little Miss Spears what to do, how to do it and how to spend her money until the end of the year, as well as being in control of, well - everything. And we bet he's loving every second of it.
Another day, another wonderful look into the personal life of a fame casualty. Well, we say 'a', we should really say 'the' fame casualty. Yes folks, it's Britney Watch day 35,598 - what's going to happen?! Not much really, but still - the conservatorship that has been in place since February of this year has been extended for another five months. Meaning what, exactly? Well, that daddy gets to tell little Miss Spears what to do, how to do it and how to spend her money until the end of the year, as well as being in control of, well - everything. And we bet he's loving every second of it.
Barack Obama is a Hybrid of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, Apparently
The race for US presidency isn't something we're likely to cover very much on these pages - it's too divisive even for us. Plus we're British-based, so we're legally not allowed an opinion. Non-partisan as hecklerspray may be though (you vote for who you actually want to vote for), we can't help but feel something of an affinity with Barack Obama after his presidential rival John McCain compared the Democrat to both Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. That's the kind of politician we could get on board with!
The race for US presidency isn't something we're likely to cover very much on these pages - it's too divisive even for us. Plus we're British-based, so we're legally not allowed an opinion. Non-partisan as hecklerspray may be though (you vote for who you actually want to vote for), we can't help but feel something of an affinity with Barack Obama after his presidential rival John McCain compared the Democrat to both Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. That's the kind of politician we could get on board with!
Kevin Federline Fitness DVD Coming To Ruin Your 2009
From DIETPIXIE - If you thought the release of the worst single ever, Popozao, was the lowest point in Kevin Federline’s ‘career’– think again. That’s because Britney Spears’ ex-husband plans to release a fitness DVD. You see, K-Fed does not want to rely on the $20,000 a month he gets from Britney Spears to help him ...
From DIETPIXIE - If you thought the release of the worst single ever, Popozao, was the lowest point in Kevin Federline’s ‘career’– think again. That’s because Britney Spears’ ex-husband plans to release a fitness DVD. You see, K-Fed does not want to rely on the $20,000 a month he gets from Britney Spears to help him ...
Kevin Federline Kicked Out Of Girly Legally Blonde Musical
These days everything’s coming up roses for ol' K. Federline. He’s successfully divorced himself from a woman who at least temporarily thought she was the devil, he’s recently gained full custody of the children he helped make with fluid that just bursts out of him sometimes, and most importantly he’s no longer obligated to play the role of Elle Woods in the upcoming Legally Blonde musical that he only just got fired from. We think he was an understudy. We don’t really think that. He was going to be in the thing though – in three bit roles. But then he started making all sorts of lengthy demands and the producers just had it, so they told him to stick it where the sun don’t shine in three verses and a gorgeously-rhymed chorus.
These days everything’s coming up roses for ol' K. Federline. He’s successfully divorced himself from a woman who at least temporarily thought she was the devil, he’s recently gained full custody of the children he helped make with fluid that just bursts out of him sometimes, and most importantly he’s no longer obligated to play the role of Elle Woods in the upcoming Legally Blonde musical that he only just got fired from. We think he was an understudy. We don’t really think that. He was going to be in the thing though – in three bit roles. But then he started making all sorts of lengthy demands and the producers just had it, so they told him to stick it where the sun don’t shine in three verses and a gorgeously-rhymed chorus.
Britney Spears Unironically Hands Kevin Federline Sole Custody
Nobody was ever really going to win the custody battle between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, especially not the kids. But, at long last, Britney and Kevin have managed to stagger to a full, final custody settlement. And it's not particularly great news for Britney Spears - Kevin Federline has been granted sole custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James. Britney Spears will still be able to visit her children, but that's hardly enough time to build a loving relationship between mother and sons - all the time she gets with them will be spent frantically trying to make them unlearn whatever dumb lessons Kevin Federline has been teaching them, like 'Cornrows make you look cool' or 'Jamming knitting needles into plug sockets is fun'. Poor Britney won't even have a chance to hug them.
Nobody was ever really going to win the custody battle between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, especially not the kids. But, at long last, Britney and Kevin have managed to stagger to a full, final custody settlement. And it's not particularly great news for Britney Spears - Kevin Federline has been granted sole custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James. Britney Spears will still be able to visit her children, but that's hardly enough time to build a loving relationship between mother and sons - all the time she gets with them will be spent frantically trying to make them unlearn whatever dumb lessons Kevin Federline has been teaching them, like 'Cornrows make you look cool' or 'Jamming knitting needles into plug sockets is fun'. Poor Britney won't even have a chance to hug them.
Britney Spears’ Kids To Be Spooked Out By Mummy Some More
Britney Spears' court hearing yesterday was a success, although these days any period of time where Britney doesn't cry or wave her fanny around like a football rattle technically counts as a success. But this was a success. An actual success. The court commissioner has increased Britney Spears' child visitation rights, you see. Three cheers for Britney Spears! If only there were more heartwarming stories about women too mentally unwell to care for their own children except for occasional strictly court-imposed appointments in the presence of a psychologist and an external child safety monitor, maybe the world would be a better place.
Britney Spears' court hearing yesterday was a success, although these days any period of time where Britney doesn't cry or wave her fanny around like a football rattle technically counts as a success. But this was a success. An actual success. The court commissioner has increased Britney Spears' child visitation rights, you see. Three cheers for Britney Spears! If only there were more heartwarming stories about women too mentally unwell to care for their own children except for occasional strictly court-imposed appointments in the presence of a psychologist and an external child safety monitor, maybe the world would be a better place.
Britney Spears & Kevin Federline In Court All Over Again
Back in olden times, when you could mock Britney Spears without feeling like a bastard afterwards, Britney used to be in court a lot. And that was mostly to do with whether she or Kevin Federline should be able to look after her kids. And guess what - there's a custody rematch scheduled for today! It's so exciting - Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have spent so long out of court that they'll probably be straining at the leash to tear into each other for control of their kids once they get inside. Without a doubt, this is the most eagerly anticipated 30-second court hearing to quickly decide that Britney Spears is still too unwell to look after her children for, ooh, like a month or something.
Back in olden times, when you could mock Britney Spears without feeling like a bastard afterwards, Britney used to be in court a lot. And that was mostly to do with whether she or Kevin Federline should be able to look after her kids. And guess what - there's a custody rematch scheduled for today! It's so exciting - Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have spent so long out of court that they'll probably be straining at the leash to tear into each other for control of their kids once they get inside. Without a doubt, this is the most eagerly anticipated 30-second court hearing to quickly decide that Britney Spears is still too unwell to look after her children for, ooh, like a month or something.
More Mental Than Ever Britney Spears To Remarry K-Fed?
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have spent a weekend away together in Maui, where they chatted about getting back together, the possibility of remarrying and becoming a family again for their two toddlers. And, according to OK! Magazine, upon their return, Britney presented Kevin with a belated £69,000 30th birthday present. Sixty-nine thosand pounds! Wow, what did she get him? A small house? A big car? A new and improved genetically modified brain that can come up with better lyrics than: “I'm not your brother, I'm not your uncle, I'm Daddy do, Steppin' in this game and y'all ain't got a clue?" Nope, none of those things. Can you guess? That’s right; a watch. A fucking £69k time-keeping device. Why not just take a look at the position of the sun? It’s completely free of charge!
