Articles tagged with: Kevin Federline
Kevin Federline To Slim Down On Telly!
Sometimes, after a messy break up, it's the broken woman who gets all of the attention. Just look at Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. Whilst she was going commando in clubs and giving herself weird haircuts, very few people spared a thought for poor Federline - alone in a big house somewhere, playing Toxic over and over again, gorging on chocolate bars and eating what must have been about nine meals a day. It was only when he emerged from his post-wedding grief the size of a house that anyone stopped and pointed their cameras at him again. Yes sir, that man has been eating. So much so that the rumour zipping through Hollywood is that he's going to sort himself out not by privately hitting a local gym, but by getting broken down and built back up again on VH1's Celebrity Fit Club in February next year. He's got guts. Quite literally.
Sometimes, after a messy break up, it's the broken woman who gets all of the attention. Just look at Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. Whilst she was going commando in clubs and giving herself weird haircuts, very few people spared a thought for poor Federline - alone in a big house somewhere, playing Toxic over and over again, gorging on chocolate bars and eating what must have been about nine meals a day. It was only when he emerged from his post-wedding grief the size of a house that anyone stopped and pointed their cameras at him again. Yes sir, that man has been eating. So much so that the rumour zipping through Hollywood is that he's going to sort himself out not by privately hitting a local gym, but by getting broken down and built back up again on VH1's Celebrity Fit Club in February next year. He's got guts. Quite literally.
K-Fed Fed & Fed & Now He’s Fat
Remember when K-Fed had a dancer's body? Sure it was covered in bad tattoos, cornrows made without the aid of a mirror and a layer of congealed body grease, but still - it was a dancer's body. And he used that body to scoop up Britney Spears and steal her away to a life most view as exotic fantasy and wonder. Well he's not scooping things up with that body any more. Except burritos, corn chips, and maybe an entire half-pig flame-broiled and basted. What we're getting at here is the man has gained weight - and boy has he!
Remember when K-Fed had a dancer's body? Sure it was covered in bad tattoos, cornrows made without the aid of a mirror and a layer of congealed body grease, but still - it was a dancer's body. And he used that body to scoop up Britney Spears and steal her away to a life most view as exotic fantasy and wonder. Well he's not scooping things up with that body any more. Except burritos, corn chips, and maybe an entire half-pig flame-broiled and basted. What we're getting at here is the man has gained weight - and boy has he!
Is Britney Spears Pregnant Again? Oh Bloody Dear
Humanity could soon be wiped out by couple of Mexican pigs with the sniffles. But relax, Britney Spears is on it. If Ryan Seacrest is right, then Britney Spears plans to repopulate the planet in her image - she's apparently pregnant again. This means, in years to come, Britney Spears will be seen as Earth's new Eve figure - identical to the old Eve but with worse skin, madder eyes and, somehow, even fewer clothes. Anyway, Britney Spears is reportedly pregnant again. All that Eve stuff was a distraction to stop you howling in despair like we did when we found out.
Humanity could soon be wiped out by couple of Mexican pigs with the sniffles. But relax, Britney Spears is on it. If Ryan Seacrest is right, then Britney Spears plans to repopulate the planet in her image - she's apparently pregnant again. This means, in years to come, Britney Spears will be seen as Earth's new Eve figure - identical to the old Eve but with worse skin, madder eyes and, somehow, even fewer clothes. Anyway, Britney Spears is reportedly pregnant again. All that Eve stuff was a distraction to stop you howling in despair like we did when we found out.
Does Britney Spears Want K-Fed Back? Really? Oh Jesus
Those eyes, that belly, the ridiculous desire to become a rapper - let's face it, Kevin Federline is a catch. Oh wait, no, that was a typo. We actually meant to say that you'd probably catch a number of highly contagious diseases from Kevin Federline if you stood face to face with him. Yes, that's much better. Sorry for the confusion. But, hey, just because we think that Kevin Federline is a bit of a sleazy reality-divorced greaseball, it doesn't mean that there isn't someone out there for him. And that someone might just be Britney Spears. Again. Terrifying, isn't it?
Those eyes, that belly, the ridiculous desire to become a rapper - let's face it, Kevin Federline is a catch. Oh wait, no, that was a typo. We actually meant to say that you'd probably catch a number of highly contagious diseases from Kevin Federline if you stood face to face with him. Yes, that's much better. Sorry for the confusion. But, hey, just because we think that Kevin Federline is a bit of a sleazy reality-divorced greaseball, it doesn't mean that there isn't someone out there for him. And that someone might just be Britney Spears. Again. Terrifying, isn't it?
Kevin Federline Talks! Remember Kevin Federline?
Kevin Federline interviews are rare - transcribing all the hoots and grunts that form his vocabulary can take hours. But that didn't stop People this week. In its new issue, Kevin Federline has decided to open up for the first time about what ended his marriage to Britney Spears. Was it because Britney went barmy? Was it because Kevin Federline is a bloodsucking redneck? Ooh, we're excited! Anyway, it seems like Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have patched up their differences - Britney has even made sure she released her big comeback album to coincide with Kevin's weird, parasitic little interview. Heartwarming!
Kevin Federline interviews are rare - transcribing all the hoots and grunts that form his vocabulary can take hours. But that didn't stop People this week. In its new issue, Kevin Federline has decided to open up for the first time about what ended his marriage to Britney Spears. Was it because Britney went barmy? Was it because Kevin Federline is a bloodsucking redneck? Ooh, we're excited! Anyway, it seems like Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have patched up their differences - Britney has even made sure she released her big comeback album to coincide with Kevin's weird, parasitic little interview. Heartwarming!
Britney Spears’ Children All Swear Like Ruddy Dockers
Judging by that documentary of her crying for an hour, Britney Spears' promotion of Circus hasn't got off to a particularly great start. And that calls for a change of tack. Rather than bleating on about how relentlessly misery-filled her life is all the time, Britney Spears chose her second-biggest promotional tool - an interview with Rolling Stone - to discuss the positive things in her life. Like her infant children, for example, and how they, um, can't stop blurting out inappropriate swearwords all the time. Needless to say, Britney Spears blames all this sudden effing and jeffing on the fact that the kids have been primarily raised by Kevin Federline. But Britney needs to look on the bright side here - at least they're using words to communicate. That's far more sophisticated than the system of hoots, grunts, roars and crude caveman gestures that Kevin Federline uses himself.
Judging by that documentary of her crying for an hour, Britney Spears' promotion of Circus hasn't got off to a particularly great start. And that calls for a change of tack. Rather than bleating on about how relentlessly misery-filled her life is all the time, Britney Spears chose her second-biggest promotional tool - an interview with Rolling Stone - to discuss the positive things in her life. Like her infant children, for example, and how they, um, can't stop blurting out inappropriate swearwords all the time. Needless to say, Britney Spears blames all this sudden effing and jeffing on the fact that the kids have been primarily raised by Kevin Federline. But Britney needs to look on the bright side here - at least they're using words to communicate. That's far more sophisticated than the system of hoots, grunts, roars and crude caveman gestures that Kevin Federline uses himself.
Britney Spears Never Learns Vol. 15: A Return to Reality TV
Why can't Britney Spears just decide whether or not she's actually getting better? There's no punchline to that, by the way, it's just a question. Maybe it's because of her ridiculous legal fees, or maybe it has any other real reason behind it, but Britney Spears is reportedly in talks for another reality show for MTV. While we're not so cynical as to deny there may be genuine reasons for the show, we are cynical enough to expect this to be one of the worst decisions she has ever made. Reality shows aren't exactly the fast-track to normality that Britney seems to think they are, and her reasons of 'to get me mah kids back' isn't exactly the finest of reasons to put yourself on worldwide public display. While you're recovering from a mental breakdown. While your dad has to look after you. While you're trying desperately not to humiliate yourself publicly again. Someone have a word with the girl, please.
Why can't Britney Spears just decide whether or not she's actually getting better? There's no punchline to that, by the way, it's just a question. Maybe it's because of her ridiculous legal fees, or maybe it has any other real reason behind it, but Britney Spears is reportedly in talks for another reality show for MTV. While we're not so cynical as to deny there may be genuine reasons for the show, we are cynical enough to expect this to be one of the worst decisions she has ever made. Reality shows aren't exactly the fast-track to normality that Britney seems to think they are, and her reasons of 'to get me mah kids back' isn't exactly the finest of reasons to put yourself on worldwide public display. While you're recovering from a mental breakdown. While your dad has to look after you. While you're trying desperately not to humiliate yourself publicly again. Someone have a word with the girl, please.
Britney Spears Owes a Lot of Money for Questionable Standards of Legal Service
We all know what's been happening with Britney Spears in recent times - the vast majority of her life seems to have adorned these very pages over the last couple of years. But no one seems to have put any real thought into how this has affected the girl on a financial level - yes, we'll all happily point out that she's gone mental, we'll laugh (and wince) when we see her ladybits on show in public and we'll wonder why she's such a glutton for punishment when she's rumoured to make a second appearance at the MTV VMAs. Then, when all the other news has run out, when she's calmed down and stopped being as mad, when the kids are safely hidden away with Kevin Federline, people start resorting to cold, hard figures. Namely the ones that say Britney Spears has spent around $700,000 on legal fees trying to get her kids back. Then the smirk about the situation fades and we are left feeling a bit bad for her again. She's got quite good at making us not take the piss out of her, actually. The crafty wench.
We all know what's been happening with Britney Spears in recent times - the vast majority of her life seems to have adorned these very pages over the last couple of years. But no one seems to have put any real thought into how this has affected the girl on a financial level - yes, we'll all happily point out that she's gone mental, we'll laugh (and wince) when we see her ladybits on show in public and we'll wonder why she's such a glutton for punishment when she's rumoured to make a second appearance at the MTV VMAs. Then, when all the other news has run out, when she's calmed down and stopped being as mad, when the kids are safely hidden away with Kevin Federline, people start resorting to cold, hard figures. Namely the ones that say Britney Spears has spent around $700,000 on legal fees trying to get her kids back. Then the smirk about the situation fades and we are left feeling a bit bad for her again. She's got quite good at making us not take the piss out of her, actually. The crafty wench.
