Despite all the protestations of nerdy, no-life Superman superfans, it appears that Superman: Man Of Steel is going to follow the blueprint of the newest Batman films, just like we said they would. That’s because Hollywood is completely devoid of ideas.

Yup, Superman – the lamest superhero of them all despite abilities to the contrary – is going to go all mean and moody.

Zack Snyder’s reboot will see Clark Kent frowning a lot and trying to work out the purpose of his life, deciding whether to become Superman at all. Of course he should. He’s got x-ray vision, can fly and punch holes through your chest. He’s probably lousy in bed though. Anyway, we’ve got some photographs of Henry Cavill on-set looking… um… moody and homeless.

That’s right kiddiekins!

Superman is all worried and such, wondering whether he ought to become Superman at all, or whether he should be a boring, boring journalist with a drink problem, stinking of coffee and smoking too many Malboro Lights (that’s all writers, right?).

Look for yourself, with your superless eyeballs at Cavill on-set in Vancouver.

And no, it isn’t a case of Cavill not shaving, there’s a snap of one of the crew adjusting his beard. Okay?

Take a look at these and feel special or something. Photos via these berks.

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What is Kevin Costner famous for? Well, he sang I Will Always Love You and said “back, and to the left” for five hours straight in JFK and… uh… he was in the terrible Waterworld. And that’s about it.

And now, getting the chance to redeem himself from such atrocities, he now being lamer than a horse sanctuary, wimping out of Quentin Tarantino’s ‘Django Unchained’.

Thank god we’ve got Kurt Russell – a real man – to take his place. Whaddaguy!

Alas, this is only a rumour at the moment, but if it turns out to be true, then it would see Russell reuniting with Tarantino after they worked together on 2007′s Death Proof.

So what will Kurt be doing, now that Costner is being a filthy chump?

Well, Russell will take on the role of Ace, a vicious understudy to Leonardo DiCaprio’s bad guy plantation owner. Expect racist dialogue that will make you laugh guiltily.

It appears that Costner pulled out of Tarantino’s spaghetti western thanks to “scheduling conflicts.” That’s code for ‘I don’t think I’ve got the nuts to do a film that is in any way edgy, soz’.

And when can we see this flick?

Django Unchained is scheduled for release on Christmas Day 2012. Expect theatres to smell like sprout farts and sherry scented puke.

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Superman. He’s a bit rubbish isn’t he? He can fly, shoot lasers out of his eyes, blow really really coldly and make the world spin in reverse. Yet, he’s one of the lamest superheroes ever who has pretty lousy taste in women.

This has meant the movie adaptations have left us all a little disappointed by virtue of the fact they were rather true to the original comics. Apart from the one with Richard Pryor in. That was ace. Especially the bit where the woman gets eaten by a computer and turns into the internet.

Anyway, there’s a new Superman due called Man Of Steel and the woman who is The Piece in it is called Amy Adams. You might know her from movies such as Enchanted, Catch Me If You Can, The Fighter and Andre The Giant, We Hardly Knew Ye. And we’ve got the first pictures of her on set.

Zack Snyder’s Superman reboot looks like it’s going to be all moody like the new Batman films, which is sure to grate hardcore Superman fans.

And they’ll no doubt find something to complain about here too, as we see Adams on set in Plano, Illinois (thanks to photographer Kimber Dolan).

These pictures don’t tell us much, but we are hoping that they made you click over the jump so we get the traffic stats up.

Henry Cavill, Diane Lane, Kevin Costner, Russell Crowe, Michael Shannon, and Laurence Fishburne also appear in the flick as it lands in cinemas June 2013, by which time everyone will already be tired of superhero films and we’ll all be going mad for robots and giant monsters or something.

Anyway, here are the pictures AND the new theme tune for Man Of Steel.

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Everyone is superhero mad at the moment, and the lamest of the bunch is coming back. That’s right! Supreme square, Superman is going to return to our screens with Henry Cavill landing the role.

That must be nice for him.

You may have been wondering what he’s going to look like in his super suit and, despite the fact we showed you what he’d look like ages ago, we’re going to show you a new picture! That’s right! You can look at a picture with your non-super eyes!

Warner Bros have now given everyone a nice image of the Man of Steel and gone is Cavill’s fashionably scruffy beard and in comes… well… one of those rubber suits that the movies love sticking superheroes in these days.

We miss the cruddy lycra get ups they used to have.

Laurence Fishburne will be joining the Christopher Nolan film as Perry White as well, but we don’t have a picture of him. Amy Adams, Diane Lane, Kevin Costner and Michael Shannon (as General Zod) will also be appearing.

It hits the silver screen in the Summer of 2013, by which time we’ll all be really bored of comic book adaptations.

Anyway, here’s Henry Cavill in his Superman guise (click it, and click it again to see it all big and that).

Not exactly the way we shared it first time around.

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Wowee! A man with a perfectly square head like Spongebob will be playing a baddie with a daft name in the new Superman film! You probably heard it elsewhere first, but not as sarcastically as this! You heard it here first!

That’s right folks! Some complete stranger called Michael Shannon is going to be playing the part of General Zod in the upcoming Superman re-boot Superman: Man Of Steel.

You may remember Zod as being that bloke with an awful stadium pop outfit and a dodgy greying beard in the ’80s Superman II movie. He’s the one who wandered around with his henchmen, going on like an amdram Shakespearean actor in plastic wellingtons.

Zac Snyder, who is making the flick, says:

“Zod is not only one of Superman’s most formidable enemies, but one of the most significant because he has insights into Superman that others don’t. Michael is a powerful actor who can project both the intelligence and the malice of the character, making him perfect for the role.”

But is he going to look ridiculous with a scraped back pony tail like Terence Stamp?

If you’re (understandably) not au fait with Zod, then basically, he’s an egomaniac who decides to come to Earth and cause as much havoc as possible. Not in a SMASH CLUNK POW way, rather, by talking with authority all the time and getting his henchfolk to do the fun stuff.

That said, Zod can fly, breathe ice, and is invulnerable like Superman, so basically, this new film could be a three hour long 3D punch-up between two really hard fuckers.

Of course, the new Superman is to be played by Henry Cavill (nope, us neither) who will have one eye on fancy piece Lois Lane, played by Amy Adams. Remarkably, Kevin Costner will make an appearance too.

Click here if you’d like to see the new Superman outfit that Cavill will be wearing in the film, which is an exclusive to hecklerspray.

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Remember the first time you watched The Bodyguard? It felt like it was 37 hours long didn’t it? Still, nowhere near as long as the hideous ‘I Will Always Love YooooooOOOoOoOOOUuu’ haunted our pop charts.

As an aside, have you ever noticed that Whitney Houston looks like she’s having an alfresco dump as the key-change kicks in on the promo video for the song?

Anyway, Warner Bros are looking to remake the film about Whitney Houston being stalked by someone and then, ultimately, falling in love with one of the most boring faced humans on Earth, Kevin Costner. And sadly, it appears that they’re lining up Rihanna for the role.

Of course, putting Rihanna in a role where she’ll have to think she’s not interested in having some kinky S&M sex with someone is problematic. We’re under the assumption that Rihanna doesn’t really have any stalkers because she’s whisks them all backstage and rides them like stolen mopeds ’til they die.

And while the thought of RiRi being sullied by ballads and overwrought movie scripts, it isn’t nearly as depressing as the prospect of the other singers being associated with the film.

More likely to take on the role that Whitney Houston made so famous is Taylor Swift or Miley Cyrus. God help us.

It goes without saying that, thanks to this being an updated version, it’ll no doubt include a load of needless nods to the online world.

The stalker will probably use Twitter, Facebook and Google Maps in their attempts to have a quick wank on a washing line.

Deadline.com say

‘The goal is to take a young female singer with global appeal and give her the platform that The Bodyguard did Houston’

Sigh.

Meanwhile, away from the silver screen, Rihanna is being linked to just about every single human on the planet for sexy times. Man, woman and beast – no-one is safe from RiRi’s rampaging vagina it seems.

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People have run out of ideas about how to fix the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. That said, they only ever had one idea.

Golf balls. Apparently golf balls don’t fix environmental catastrophes. Who knew? But anyway, now that the lack of a solution has become equally disastrous and embarrassing, the authorities have decided to call in the big guns. That’s right, James Cameron is on the case.

No, not a world-class environmental scientist called James Cameron. James Cameron James Cameron. The Avatar guy. He knows exactly how to repair the broken pipeline because he owns some submarines and he knows a lot about underwater stuff. Or, failing that, he can just plug the hole with his increasingly berserk Helen Mirren haircut. Either way, he’s our new hero!

Because he made an excessively expensive Leonardo DiCaprio snuff film and a really long PlayStation cutscene about a blue hippy with penises in his hair, James Cameron doesn’t really have to give anything back to humanity. But if you cut James Cameron open, he bleeds love. And that’s why he’s helping scientists come up with a way to fix the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. It’s not just because he made two and a half films about some water once and now thinks he’s a poxy expert about it, you cynics.

Why did it take so long for the authorities to call upon James Cameron to help with the oil spill? Simple, it’s because they were saving his expertise for when the evil murder-robots from the future attack us. But in the short-term, the oil spill is probably a bit more urgent. People reports:

James Cameron, the director of Avatar and Titanic, joined scientists and other experts at a meeting with U.S. officials Tuesday in Washington to come up with possible fixes for the leak, which so far has resisted oil company BP’s attempts to plug it… Cameron reportedly contacted BP several weeks ago and offered the company use of his private fleet of deep-dive craft.

That’s… that’s actually quite considerate. Well done James Cameron. And he’s not the only celebrity to offer his help, either. Victoria Principal from Dallas has contributed $200,000 towards the clean-up fund, while Kevin Costner has apparently invested in the development of  a brand-new centrifugal clean-up machine. The only problem there is that Kevin Costner is thought to have stipulated that the machine must be 400 metres tall, made of gold and shaped like Kevin Costner, so it probably won’t be much use.

Apart from that, though, it’s a nice thought.

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Just when you thought Kevin Costner couldn’t get any less interesting, comes news that he and his second wife Christine Baumgartner have again genetically replicated themselves.

This time producing a squealing, pooping life form remarkably named Hayes Logan.

Pinch us. The numbness is spreading.

Kevin Costner is just plain fascinating.How else to describe someone who has the creative capacity to produce fine films like Dancing With Wolves and Open Range, yet chooses to sadistically torture the entire planet with epic foul-smelling turds like Waterworld and the Postman? Yup.Kevin Costner sure is an enigma wrapped up in a, um, thing, of absolutely no interest to anyone.

Disregarding the fact that the nervous system of every sentient bring on earth flatlines at the very mention of his name, Kevin Costner has publicly announced the arrival of his sixth child, Hayes Logan Costner.

Costner recently told AP radio that he chose the “great Western name” Hayes after a cowboy character in a Western film he will soon produce. Hecklerspray readers may recall that in May 2007, Costner named his fifth child, Cayden Wyatt Costner with the middle name clearly referring to his 1994 movie Wyatt Earp.

Gripping stuff for sure, and even more so, considering Costner’s Native American ancestry. One might be forgiven for pondering how Kev’s odd obsession with cowpokes and tumbleweeds would sit with his paternal grandfather who was half Cherokee.

But let’s not go there. Kevin Costner, we thank you for your selfless dedication to preserving an American tradition—that of vacuous, self-absorbed celebrities congratulating themselves for dreaming up pointless baby names.

As to rumours that the Costner clan has its sights set on lassoing yet another lil’ buckaroo, all we can say is Judge Gabby Slim “Hoot” Costner: the world awaits you.

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