In the good ol’ days the only people lining jail cells were obvious witches, probable werewolves and all the wives of the king who were selfish in bed.

Fast forward several centuries and you find much more relevant criminals locked up – like cattle thieves and rappers. Personally, we’d really like to see witches put back on the list – and quickly, before they again snare the hearts of men with their dancing and such.

Perhaps the most shocking new addition, at least to the American jail system, is a Guns N’ Roses fan who posted nine secret songs from Chinese Democracy onto his website. He was full-on arrested by the FBI Wednesday morning for violating federal copyright laws.

We heard a deputised Axl kicked in the door himself. Well, he had a servant kick the door in, but then he ran in growling right behind that same servant. And then he stood there glaring with his arms folded as that same servant again put the kid in cuffs.

We really wonder what that butler’s job description was when he originally applied for the job.

Kevin Cogill is a 27-year-old man who thought it would be a good idea to post nine Chinese Democracy songs on his website. Can you blame him though? He was probably hoping his act would result in 200 million Dr Peppers being dispersed to Americans all over the country. 700 million if illegal Mexicans are lumped in.

It didn’t though. All it got him was handcuffed and introduced to a cellmate who keeps testing the waters by saying things like ”I think we’re alone now” and “We tumble to the ground and then you say…”

Cogill’s site, antiquiet.com, got a ton of traffic from the posting – enough that it caused everything to crash. A cease and desist letter came in the mail or something, and the kid was quick to comply. It was too late though – the federal wheels were already turning. Here’s all the info the LA Times has provided:

“A man accused of posting nine previously unreleased songs by the rock band Guns N’ Roses on a website where they could be accessed by the public was arrested at his home early today on suspicion of violating federal copyright laws, authorities said. Kevin Cogill, 27, is accused of posting the songs, which were being prepared for commercial release, on the Internet blog Antiquiet in June, according to an arrest affidavit.”

Bail’s been set at $10,000, and if convicted the kid actually faces up to five years in the slammer. It could be worse. What if he got sentenced to be a G&R guitarist? Imagine all that sitting around the studio watching Rose play with knobs and levers endlessly, and hearing the words “You know what? Let’s record that last part again,” for ten years and counting.

Absolutely brutal.

If you are absolutely dying to hear a track – you’ll just have to buy Rock Band 2. Not us though.

We’re too busy waiting for the rumored Captain & Tennille 12 track opus. Supposedly – they use two orchestras on it.