In the good ol’ days the only people lining jail cells were obvious witches, probable werewolves and all the wives of the king who were selfish in bed.

Fast forward several centuries and you find much more relevant criminals locked up – like cattle thieves and rappers. Personally, we’d really like to see witches put back on the list – and quickly, before they again snare the hearts of men with their dancing and such.

Perhaps the most shocking new addition, at least to the American jail system, is a Guns N’ Roses fan who posted nine secret songs from Chinese Democracy onto his website. He was full-on arrested by the FBI Wednesday morning for violating federal copyright laws.

We heard a deputised Axl kicked in the door himself. Well, he had a servant kick the door in, but then he ran in growling right behind that same servant. And then he stood there glaring with his arms folded as that same servant again put the kid in cuffs.

We really wonder what that butler’s job description was when he originally applied for the job.