Articles tagged with: Kerry Katona
Is Kerry Katona Really Only Worth £50? In Short, Yes
Kerry Katona is no longer being compensated for work in the form of slightly-past-their-best fish fingers. She's a fancy celebrity type, and as such she can demand legal tender for her public appearances. According to a report from the weekend, Kerry's not worth much. Only £50. Well, that's pretty much in line with her early Iceland fees. Her body weight in frozen goods from that place can't be worth more than £50, surely.
Kerry Katona is no longer being compensated for work in the form of slightly-past-their-best fish fingers. She's a fancy celebrity type, and as such she can demand legal tender for her public appearances. According to a report from the weekend, Kerry's not worth much. Only £50. Well, that's pretty much in line with her early Iceland fees. Her body weight in frozen goods from that place can't be worth more than £50, surely.
Kerry Katona Needs Help, Says Perfect Role Model Jordan
Whenever we’re feeling down, there is only one place to turn. Tabloid problem pages. After a quick read, that frown is turned into a burst of giggles. “I like to dress as Dennis the Menace during sex - is this normal?” writes a loser from Swansea. No you tit, it’s not. Recently, the celebrity equivalent to this is Kerry Katona. She’s only gone and done some drugs, lost her Iceland deal and allegedly beat up her accountant. Then we have wonder woman Jordan who's gone through an ever so public divorce and shacked up with a new fellow. He just happens to make bongo flicks with girls from Babestation. Therefore, Jordan is perfectly equipped to guide Kerry through these troubled times.
Whenever we’re feeling down, there is only one place to turn. Tabloid problem pages. After a quick read, that frown is turned into a burst of giggles. “I like to dress as Dennis the Menace during sex - is this normal?” writes a loser from Swansea. No you tit, it’s not. Recently, the celebrity equivalent to this is Kerry Katona. She’s only gone and done some drugs, lost her Iceland deal and allegedly beat up her accountant. Then we have wonder woman Jordan who's gone through an ever so public divorce and shacked up with a new fellow. He just happens to make bongo flicks with girls from Babestation. Therefore, Jordan is perfectly equipped to guide Kerry through these troubled times.
Kerry Katona And Drugs And All That Jazz
Watch out kids, mum’s gone to Iceland. To see if you can snort ice, that is. After all, Kerry Katona’s had all of the good stuff, and we’re reduced to sniffing up crushed ice, cat litter and chopped up Junior Disprol through our tenners instead. We at hecklerspray want to do all we can to get as mullered as La Katona – after all, getting as high as a kite (made out of shell suit material obviously) is doing her the world of good. Just think, Kerry used to be married to the one out of Westlife who looked like the good-looking one out of Pigs in Space. She also used to star on pre-menopausal yakshow Loose Women, where you get paid to talk about picking your kids up from school. Now she’s hitched to Mark Croft, an ahem independent businessman who – no offence, dude – makes the Yardies look like fwuffy old cuddlebags. And that TV career? Gone bye bye!
Watch out kids, mum’s gone to Iceland. To see if you can snort ice, that is. After all, Kerry Katona’s had all of the good stuff, and we’re reduced to sniffing up crushed ice, cat litter and chopped up Junior Disprol through our tenners instead. We at hecklerspray want to do all we can to get as mullered as La Katona – after all, getting as high as a kite (made out of shell suit material obviously) is doing her the world of good. Just think, Kerry used to be married to the one out of Westlife who looked like the good-looking one out of Pigs in Space. She also used to star on pre-menopausal yakshow Loose Women, where you get paid to talk about picking your kids up from school. Now she’s hitched to Mark Croft, an ahem independent businessman who – no offence, dude – makes the Yardies look like fwuffy old cuddlebags. And that TV career? Gone bye bye!
Tabloid Watch: Kerry Katona
This week the scum-rags have told us about children’s star Sportacus visiting a young fan who has lost his limbs and doing press-ups and a one-handed handstand in front of him (the definition of rubbing it in surely?) and publishing the name and photos of Baby P’s mum, and then getting cross that she’ll need a new identity. But we're guessing you don’t want to unwind in your lunch-hour with quite such dark matter. Well then let’s talk about Kerry Katona, a woman addicted to, and almost biologically allergic to, being famous.
This week the scum-rags have told us about children’s star Sportacus visiting a young fan who has lost his limbs and doing press-ups and a one-handed handstand in front of him (the definition of rubbing it in surely?) and publishing the name and photos of Baby P’s mum, and then getting cross that she’ll need a new identity. But we're guessing you don’t want to unwind in your lunch-hour with quite such dark matter. Well then let’s talk about Kerry Katona, a woman addicted to, and almost biologically allergic to, being famous.
Kerry Katona (Who Doesn’t Take Cocaine) Gets Filmed ‘Taking Cocaine’
“It’s the bi-polar medication, honestly!” If you could actually pick out those words from the slurred speech of Kerry Katona, that’s what she’d be saying. We may mock her but she has an award none of us have. The most sought after Mother Of The Year title has been given to Kerry not once but twice. But how do you win this award to glisten up your CV? It seems that you need to a) be female, b) sell frozen seafood like your life depends on it, c) get MTV to document your non-exciting life and d) take barrel loads of cocaine! Footage has surfaced of Kerry allegedly partaking in option d). We sadly know part a) is true.
“It’s the bi-polar medication, honestly!” If you could actually pick out those words from the slurred speech of Kerry Katona, that’s what she’d be saying. We may mock her but she has an award none of us have. The most sought after Mother Of The Year title has been given to Kerry not once but twice. But how do you win this award to glisten up your CV? It seems that you need to a) be female, b) sell frozen seafood like your life depends on it, c) get MTV to document your non-exciting life and d) take barrel loads of cocaine! Footage has surfaced of Kerry allegedly partaking in option d). We sadly know part a) is true.
Kerry Katona Splits Up From Her Husband For Good, Or A Month
In ancient Greek mythology, there were hoards of beasts and monsters that would literally peck out your eyes and suck on them. Sadly we don’t have creatures that are half rhino and human. The modern day equivalent is a thing called Kerry Katona. Since Kerry shot to mild fame in wobbly pop band Atomic Kitten she’s done all she can to remain in the public eye. Whilst she’s all for doing this, the rest of the nation weeps a little whenever it opens a newspaper and sees her shove another handful of chips into her gob. In a move that was foreseen months ago, Kerry and her husband Mark Croft have split up. Again. Again.
In ancient Greek mythology, there were hoards of beasts and monsters that would literally peck out your eyes and suck on them. Sadly we don’t have creatures that are half rhino and human. The modern day equivalent is a thing called Kerry Katona. Since Kerry shot to mild fame in wobbly pop band Atomic Kitten she’s done all she can to remain in the public eye. Whilst she’s all for doing this, the rest of the nation weeps a little whenever it opens a newspaper and sees her shove another handful of chips into her gob. In a move that was foreseen months ago, Kerry and her husband Mark Croft have split up. Again. Again.
New This Morning Co-Host: Kerry Katona?
Look, OK, we KNOW. We know our organisational skills are bad. We thought Big Brother started this week. It doesn't. Big Brother starts next week. And that's left us with a gap to fill each morning. So, like anyone with any common sense would, we've decided to dedicate these next few 10am slots to discovering who'll replace Fern Britton as the female host of This Morning. Try not to get too excited. Anyway, we're kicking things off with Kerry Katona, so that's something at least...
Look, OK, we KNOW. We know our organisational skills are bad. We thought Big Brother started this week. It doesn't. Big Brother starts next week. And that's left us with a gap to fill each morning. So, like anyone with any common sense would, we've decided to dedicate these next few 10am slots to discovering who'll replace Fern Britton as the female host of This Morning. Try not to get too excited. Anyway, we're kicking things off with Kerry Katona, so that's something at least...
Kerry Katona Lectures Oxford University Elite About Her Time As An Alien
Kerry Katona isn’t the person you’d leave your children or antique collection of Victorian crockery with. We know this because over the years, Kerry has made a slight twat of herself. Take a rough northern woman and add drugs, booze and relationship problems and you get Kerry Katona, aka something Jeremy Kyle would jizz over for his show. Despite being unable to keep her finances together and do a straight interview on national TV, Kerry was picked to lecture the nation of our future. The snotty-faced posh folk at Oxford took some time out from rowing practice to listen to Kerry bleat on about her times as a druggie and as an alien. Bill Gates must have been running late.
Kerry Katona isn’t the person you’d leave your children or antique collection of Victorian crockery with. We know this because over the years, Kerry has made a slight twat of herself. Take a rough northern woman and add drugs, booze and relationship problems and you get Kerry Katona, aka something Jeremy Kyle would jizz over for his show. Despite being unable to keep her finances together and do a straight interview on national TV, Kerry was picked to lecture the nation of our future. The snotty-faced posh folk at Oxford took some time out from rowing practice to listen to Kerry bleat on about her times as a druggie and as an alien. Bill Gates must have been running late.
