We knew the day was coming when Kenny Logan would be voted off Strictly Come Dancing, and yet it still killed us to see it happen.

Nothing could stop Kenny Logan being eliminated from Strictly Come Dancing – not his partner variously trying Gordon The Gopher around her wrist and using Kenny as a burly stripper’s pole, and certainly not Kenny aiming to express ‘romance’ and ending up looking like a recently-neutered bear who was sad because he missed his balls. Strictly Come Dancing won’t be the same without you, Kenny Logan. But that’s mostly because everyone left can actually dance.

But now that Kenny Logan is no longer a part of Strictly Come Dancing, who’s going to win? Here’s part one of this week’s Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – for Matt Di Angelo and Gethin Jones – with help from Paddy Power…

Matt Di Angelo – Last week was particularly hard on Matt Di Angelo because not only did he have two separate dances to learn – a Tango to What You Waiting For and a Rumba to Get Here – but he also had to learn lines for EastEnders too, and we all know how hard it is to remember how to snivel in a prison properly, don’t we? All this work seemed to affect Matt somehow, because right after his jerky, comedy double-taking first dance he suddenly got all grit-toothed and red-eyed like he was either going to start crying or stab Bruce Forsyth to death. Not that he needed to, of course – the Strictly Come Dancing judges loved it, saying that it was “strong, proud – you’re like a snarling lion,” albeit a snarling lion that looks like it’s about to do a wee-wee in its knickers. SCORE – 32.

Matt’s Strictly Come Dancing Rumba, on the other hand, saw all of his self-doubt evaporate, but that was mainly because he was so busy concentrating on rubbing his own nipples. A quick time-honoured ‘walk away from each other and rush back’ ending and it was all over. This time the Strictly Come Dancing judges described the routine like this: “Performance: great, your acting: fantastic, but you have to lubricate the hips!” but even the praise wasn’t enough to stop Matt Di Angelo clearly muttering the word ‘fuck’ to himself afterwards, the naughty little bugger. SCORE – 33; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 9/2

Gethin Jones – All through Strictly Come Dancing, Gethin Jones has struggled to learn the concept of having a personality, so last week an acting coach was hired to try and teach him how to display affection. And how did all this translate itself to Gethin’s first Strictly Come Dancing performance, a Waltz to If I Were A Painting? Well, it mostly made Gethin wipe his nose all over his partner’s face like she was made of Kleenex and blink a little bit slower than usual. And this was what the Strictly Come Dancing judges wanted all along, who said it was “graceful, fluid, romantic – you melted my heart. The most outstanding and commendable improvement of anyone in the competition.” SCORE – 39.

So Romantic Gethin was a winner, clearly, but what about Latin Gethin? Well, the acting coach certainly did a good job on teaching him how to act like a toddler in the middle of a three-day Haribo binge, because his Salsa to Azucar was stuffed with all kinds of dizzyingly overconfident spinning and grinning and sliding and waggling, and it was enough for the Strictly Come Dancing judges to start calling him “the loin king.” The loin king? He’s a children’s TV presenter. Urgh. SCORE – 35; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 4/1

Tomorrow: Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for Letitia Dean. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Strictly Come Dancing betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.

By rights, after all this time the only dancers left of Strictly Come Dancing should be the cream of the crop, the cat’s pyjamas, the bee’s knees, the mutt’s nuts, the monkey’s junk.

And, not accounting for a couple of mediocrities, that’s true. And then there’s Kenny Logan – the single most entertaining thing about Strictly Come Dancing. While Bruce Forsyth mangles his jokes, Tess Daly contorts her mouth into all kinds of crazy shapes and Alesha Dixon – ugh – dances well, Kenny Logan has taken the mantle of Strictly Come Dancing underdog. The man can’t dance – he refuses to dance – and just wants to stomp around independently of any music that happens to be playing, doing his best to force laserbeams to shoot out of his eyes. In short, Kenny Logan deserves to win Strictly Come Dancing. He won’t of course; he’s useless.

So who will win Strictly Come Dancing this year? Here are the Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for Kenny Logan, Matt Di Angelo and Alesha Dixon, with help from Paddy Power…

Kenny Logan – We’re coming to learn to be disappointed whenever Kenny Logan wears sleeves on his Strictly Come Dancing costume, because it means that he probably won’t try to smash up the stage by angrily stamping his feet like usual. And, as expected, that’s precisely what Kenny didn’t do on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing. During his American Smooth to How Sweet It Is, we even thought we saw Kenny smile for a moment, although hopefully we were wrong and it was a wonky growl instead. But then, just when we thought that the old Kenny we know and love had disappeared, Kenny stopped all the smooth, in-time twirling and lifted his partner over his head. Could he? Would he? Sadly, no, Kenny didn’t roar “HULK SMAAASH!” and bodyslam her into a wall – turns out it was just a Dancing On Ice-style fancy lift. It broke our heart to see it, but the Strictly Come Dancing judges liked it, the idiots. “It’s overwhelming, the step you’ve taken,” one said. Morons. SCORE – 30; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 50/1

Matt Di Angelo – As previous instalments of Strictly Come Dancing have shown, Matt Di Angelo is not against acting like a preening bell-end if it means he’ll increase his chance of winning the show. But on Saturday Matt seemed to hit the ceiling of his twattiness-threshold, complaining that his Salsa to Vehicle made him look like a tit. And we can’t imagine what he was talking about – there’s nothing tittish about dressing up in a sparkly black skin-tight shirt slashed open to the belly button, spazzing around like toddler doing an impression of a worm-infested tyrannosaurus rex, thrashing his shoulder about like an amputee trying to swim away from a shark and then actually kicking a woman in the face. Oh, no, wait – all of those things are pretty tittish. But what do we know, because the Strictly Come Dancing judges loved it so much they even briefly pretended to not be ten thousand years old, spurting out nonsense like “You’re bringing sexy back,” and “You’re turning into the Spice Boy of the competition!” SCORE: 38 – Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 9/2

Alesha Dixon – It’s getting ever so slightly dull to say, but Alesha Dixon is quite good at dancing. Whatever dance she’s asked to do, Alesha Dixon comes out and does very well. And not even doing a Cha Cha Cha to Crazy In Love, something that – had Willie Thorne attempted it – would have been all over YouTube in videos called things like ‘Look at this baldy wanker’, could mess Alesha up. It was sexy, it was perfectly synchronised to the music, it was so energetic that we suspect not even the loneliest old man in the country could masturbate to it properly – and it got a ridiculously high score for it in the process. “This is a two horse competition at the moment, and you are one of the horses,” the Strictly Come Dancing judges told her, which seems a little unkind – a Shetland pony at best, yes, but not a horse. A Shetland pony with a lovely mane. Oh, lovely Shetland ponies. SCORE – 39; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 2/5

Next week – X Factor betting odds again. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Strictly Come Dancing betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.

Well, the dream had to come to an end at some point – and on Saturday Kate Garraway was eliminated from Strictly Come Dancing after convincing enough of the public that she couldn’t dance to save her blinking life.

Having just started to recover from the leg injury that did her in before Strictly Come Dancing began, Kate Garraway suffered a back injury in training for Saturday’s Paso Doble to Somebody Told Me, meaning that the only parts of her anatomy that have come out of the show unscathed are her knockers. However, we didn’t think that Kate Garraway did too badly at her routine – being in incredible pain made her scowl sexily for the first time ever and she even seemed to let loose at one point, although that could have been because she was hopped-up on enough prescription medication to break a dinosaur.

So with no more Garraway fouling everything up, who’ll win Strictly Come Dancing? Here’s part one of the Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – for Kelly Brook, Letitia Dean and Kenny Logan – with help from Paddy Power…

Kelly Brook – These last couple of weeks have seen Kelly Brook struggle to get back into the Strictly Come Dancing running after all that rule-breaking from a few weeks back, so it was good to see that the nearest thing to a rule-break from Kelly Brook during Saturday’s Jive to Johnny B Goode was Brendan Cole wearing a pair of sparkly girl-shoes and – judging by the look on his face – one of Kaplinsky‘s old thongs. As for the dance itself, it was clear that Kelly was enjoying herself – she kept kicking her leg out with wild abandon, like she was trying to flick away a persistent piece of dog-turd, and kept her mouth wide open throughout an expression of joy instead of the usual expression of dimness. And the Strictly Come Dancing judges loved it too, telling Kelly that “You are a very talented dancer… you did that Jive absolutely perfectly,” before going on to give her an obviously less than perfect score. SCORE – 36; Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 9/2

Letitia Dean – It’s becoming clear that Letitia Dean lives and dies by public opinion, so when she dances well she’s happy but when she dances badly she reacts like she’s watching a bunch of men in ski-masks trample babies. And since her last Strictly Come Dancing routine didn’t go down well, she made rehearsals for Saturday’s Foxtrot to Call Me Irresponsible look like the most traumatic experience ever. She needn’t have, of course, because the dance was one of her best yet. The red-face sex leer was replaced by a weird fixed, slightly different sex leer and all in all Letitia looked a lot like a cross between a Dorothy Perkins mannequin and a creepy lifesize vinyl sex doll – which is apparently a good thing for the Foxtrot according to the Strictly Come Dancing judges, who said that it was a “Sweet, very, very stylish routine… Your shoulders were finally down Letitia. Very, very classy.” SCORE – 34; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 28/1

Kenny Logan – After last week’s appallingly smooth routine, Kenny Logan was back giving the people exactly what they want on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing – a giant angry brute in a sparkly Incredible Hulk vest thudding about with absolutely no concept of rhythm whatsoever. Kenny’s Strictly Come Dancing routine was a Cha Cha Cha to Billie Jean, although Thriller would have been more apt thanks to Kenny’s clear resemblance to one of the undead. The rapey hip-thrusts we’ve come to love were back, as was a new addition: a moonwalk, although we hear that Kenny prefers it to be called the ‘reverse smash’. It was impressively awful to watch – the Strictly Come Dancing judges called it “about the standard of a 7 year old in a dance class” – but at least Kenny’s partner is doing her best to cover up the badness by dressing in zero clothes and dry-humping him like a maniac at any opportunity. That’s the spirit. SCORE – 22; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 50/1

Tomorrow – Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for Gethin Jones, John Barnes, Alesha Dixon and Matt Di Angelo. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Strictly Come Dancing betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.

This season of Strictly Come Dancing is turning up all kinds of surprises, as Saturday’s shock elimination of Penny Lancaster proved only too well.

So far that’s two potential winners gone in Penny Lancaster and Gabby Logan, while Kate Garraway and Kenny Logan – a spam-footed embarrassment and a graceless thumping monster – are still in the running. Despite what the Strictly Come Dancing judges say, this is absolutely the right way to go. With anything luck, if this keeps happening, Kate Garraway will be crowned as the Strictly Come Dancing champion by Christmas. And that means a) anyone who took advantage of Kate Garraway’s long betting odds will be richer than they could ever imagine and b) Bruno Tonioli‘s face will explode.

Who’s going to win Strictly Come Dancing? Here are the Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for Kenny Logan, John Barnes, Kelly Brook and Alesha Dixon, with help from Paddy Power…

Kenny Logan - Maybe our expectations of Kenny Logan are too high, but in our entire lives we haven’t experienced disappointment on a scale that we experienced watching Kenny doing a Viennese Waltz to Flower Of Scotland on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing. We were expecting all the things we’ve come to love from Kenny Logan’s dancing – borderline-obscene outfits, a fire-eyed look of fury, an impressive refusal to even attempt to dance to the music and an unsettling impersonation of a rapist committing a hate crime – but set to bagpipe music. And while the rehearsals looked promising – with Kenny Logan becoming so furious that he started battering his own face at one point – the actual Strictly Come Dancing routine itself was a let-down. Kenny was smooth, Kenny was graceful, Kenny – frankly – did a decent job. The Strictly Come Dancing judges even went as far as to tell Kenny that “You came out and you dominated that floor. No question, your best dance so far.” We feel sick. SCORE – 26; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 80/1

John Barnes – OK, we’ll admit that we were wrong. It wasn’t John Barnes’ shrinking frame that was stopping him from doing well at Strictly Come Dancing – it was the fact that he was being made to do dances that didn’t allow him to flail his hips around like a professional hula-hooper with post traumatic stress disorder. Because on Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing, John Barnes got to dance the Salsa to an unstoppably generic piece of music, and it was easily his most convincing routine of Strictly Come Dancing so far. Throwing his hips around like someone was prodding him in the arse with a cattle brand, John Barnes looked the happiest we’ve seen him since New Order let him do the World In Motion rap instead of Tony Adams, and it showed – the buoyant mood even rubbed off on the Strictly Come Dancing judges who declared that “I was bathing in the ocean of that cuban motion!” Again, we’re not really sure what this means. SCORE – 36; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 18/1

Kelly Brook – By getting picked up more than she was supposed to and waggling a cape around, Kelly Brook’s Strictly Come Dancing journey so far has been tinged with the sort of controversy that only a professional dancing judge could bother giving a shit about, but on Saturday’s show Kelly Brook had the chance that she was a dancer first and a controversy magnet second. And a rubbish actress third. Dancing the Viennese Waltz to Delilah, Kelly Brook really entered into the spirit of the song by repeatedly spurning the sexual advances of Brendan Cole – something that she probably managed to learn how to do by repeatedly spurning the sexual advances of Brendan Cole week after week in real life. And the routine was such a success that, for the first time in weeks, the Strictly Come Dancing judges didn’t just gargle and splutter like outraged pensioners afterwards, either, saying that “beauty and the beast have danced back into the fairytale.” We don’t know what fairytale they were talking about, but it’s probably a shit one. About dancing. SCORE – 36; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 3/1

Alesha Dixon – That’s it. We give in. There’s literally no dance that Alesha Dixon can’t do, aside from the dance that expresses forgiveness to her husband for boning Javine behind her back. Admittedly dancing a Salsa to a Michael Jackson song is closer than usual to her day job – shouting the word “Flava” over and over again while pulling her ‘street’ face, but she still managed to do it extraordinarily well, keeping perfectly in time with her partner and even grinding her bottom on his genitals convincingly, even though he looks a bit like an effeminate blonde Dracula mannequin. And the Strictly Come Dancing judges were so overwhelmed by Alesha’s dancing that they started hurling insults at her under the illusion that they were compliments. “You’ve got more hips than Cuba all put together. Hot hot hot!” is an insult, right? SCORE – 35; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 10/11

Next week: X Factor betting odds again. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Strictly Come Dancing betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.

On Saturday tiny wee slaphead Dominic Littlewood was the latest semi-celebrity to get voted off Strictly Come Dancing, which seemed to come as a surprised to nobody except Dominic Littlewood himself.

Dominic Littlewood's stock in trade – apart from his ability to haggle three pence off the price of a new car on daytime TV – is his cheekiness. However, that went on Saturday's Strictly Come Dancing because he was dancing a Paso Doble to El Gato Montez, which apparently called for lots of marching around like a midget Hitler out of time to the music while dressed as a gay Libertine. But, as you may have expected, the most convincing part of Dominic Littlewood's performance came when he had an embittered tantrum about how nobody likes him afterwards. Even Bruce Forsyth started slating Dominic at one point, and his tolerance for awfulness is so high that he counts Jimmy Tarbuck as a friend.

Who's going to win Strictly Come Dancing? Here are the Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for Kelly Brook, John Barnes, Letitia Dean, Gethin Jones and Kenny Logan, with help from Paddy Power…

Kelly Brook – After Brendan Cole committed the mortal sin of picking Kelly Brook up three times instead of twice on a previous Strictly Come Dancing, the pair of them have become the resident sequinny rebels, and this is something that Kelly seized upon by deciding that she'd break the rules and dick about with a cape during her Paso Doble to You Give Love A Bad Name, when traditionally it's the job of the man. And predictably the Strictly Come Dancing judges reacted as if Kelly Brook had shat in their tea, yelling things like "Do a proper dance with stuff I can see" at her. We can see why they were angry – while Kelly titted about with the cape it didn't give Brendan much to do aside from waggle his hands around like an end-of-the-pier magician getting ready to pull a dove out of his arse. Disappointing. SCORE – 28; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 3/1

John Barnes – We're honestly worried that John Barnes' talent-sac is kept in his gut because the more weight he loses, the worse he gets at dancing. It's true – although the rehearsals for his Strictly Come Dancing Foxtrot to My Guy saw John Barnes slapping his head and shouting "Come on!" like a mentally ill person trying to get the voices in his head to stop chanting the word "kill" at him over and over again, the actual dance wasn't particularly good. Boring, forgettable, generic, there's a chance that John Barnes is now getting so thin that he's starting to half-vanish like the photos in Back To The Future. The Strictly Come Dancing judges thought so too, calling the routine "laboured." Let's make a pact; to improve John Barnes' Strictly Come Dancing chances, the first person to see him this week has to force-feed him an entire roast chicken. Deal? SCORE – 24; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 40/1

Letitia Dean – Since the Paso Doble is a dramatic dance, Letitia Dean vowed early on in training for Saturday's Strictly Come Dancing that she'd need to use her acting skills for her routine to Live And Let Die. Since we're fully aware that the only acting skill Letitia Dean is capable of involves pouting at Grant Mitchell while looking like she's trying to solve a particularly difficult math equation in her head, we assumed that she'd be screwed come the actual dance. But we were wrong – she performed her routine with all the fire and spit of a spoilt six-year-old demanding that her parents take her to Disneyland. And that's a lot of fire and spit. The Strictly Come Dancing judges loved Letitia's routine too, saying it was "full of attitude, full of authority." But secretly we think they gave her a high score because the dance marked the return of Letitia's 'breathless pervert' face, which they all missed last week. SCORE – 31; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 10/1

Gethin Jones – Gethin Jones has been receiving a lot of stick from the Strictly Come Dancing judges for not sexing his routines up very much. And, fearing that on Saturday we'd see Gethin dressed up as a serial sex-offender with a three-foot veiny codpiece, we were sort of relieved that he mostly ignored their advice to perform a Foxtrot to Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue, the sole hint of sexiness being Gethin's reticent wink at the end. Only sort of relieved, mind you – the routine was still so painfully unspectacular that it would have trouble standing out in a roomful of vapour. But what do we know – the Strictly Come Dancing judges seemed to enjoy it enough, telling Gethin "you did that beautifully." Yet it still wasn't enough to break Gethin out of his mid-table mediocrity. Maybe he really should break the codpiece out next week. SCORE – 31; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 8/1

Kenny Logan – Let's not beat about the bush here, Kenny Logan is the only reason any of us watch Strictly Come Dancing any more, because his dances are so brain-meltingly graceless that they're the single-most entertaining thing about the whole show. Take Kenny Logan's Strictly Come Dancing Paso Doble to Take Me Out, for instance – it's like he'd mistaken read that the entire history of the Paso Doble was based on the story of Kratos from God Of War because at one point Kenny stopped hurling his partner about like a rag doll to – and we swear this is true – summon up power from the heavens. The Strictly Come Dancing judges rolled out the usual criticism you'd expect, saying that it was "too aggressive" and that it lacked finesse, but we don't care about any of that. Also, Kenny Logan was dancing in a sleeveless top and sparkly kilt, too, which made the whole thing look like the deleted rape scene from Starlight Express. SCORE – 21; Current Strictly Come Dancing betting odds – 80/1

Tomorrow: Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for Alesha Dixon, Kate Garraway, Matt Di Angelo and Penny Lancaster. But if that's too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Strictly Come Dancing betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.