Like everyone else on this crummy Earth, we’re fans of Natalie Portman. She’s made some good films and, when she’s been in not-so-good films, she still looks just like Natalie Portman which is better looking than, say, you. And you. And everyone stood behind you ’til the horizon.

Anyway, it seems that her latest role, in Black Swan, is almost certainly going to win her an Oscar. Yep. It’s all sewn up. Everyone who has seen the new flick at the Venice Film Festival came out of the show, muttering about how wonderful her performance is.

And quite possibly, trying to hide their erections from the lesbian scenes with Mila Kunis which feature.

Words like ‘astounding’ and ‘best performance ever’ have been bandied about which is very nice for Portman. The best we could do, when we wrote about the film was that the Oscars might “introduce a brand new category – for Loveliest Princess In A Lovely Pretty Dress – just so she can win something.”

Then again, we’re idiots.

Natalie Portman isn’t perfect though as she’s shown a weakness for hopeless RSC thesp, Kenneth Branagh. Apparently, she only agreed to take part in his big budget adaptation of the comic, ‘Thor’ after hearing that Branagh was directing.

She explains:

“It was sort of actually not something I was dying to do. Not ‘Thor’ in particular but a big movie. When I heard Ken was doing it, I said, ‘Wow that is a daring and interesting idea.’

“Then I met Ken and he was someone I was extremely interested to get to spend three months with. It was probably the first, or one of the first times that my expectations were actually exceeded.”

‘Thor’ is due for release in May 2011 and, even if it’s rubbish, you can still fawn over Natalie Portman’s face… unless of course, she’s a hideous CGI character and is only providing the voice.

We suppose that we could easily find out but there’s an opened yoghurt in the fridge which goes off today and that’s taking all of our concentration.

Anyway, watch Natalie Portman kissing a girl in this trailer for Black Swan.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group

When you think of films about disabled medical students who touch magical hammers and become crime-fighting Norse gods, the first name that springs to mind is obviously Kenneth Branagh.

Isn’t it? It isn’t? In fact Kenneth Branagh would probably be one of the last people you’d associate with something that brawny and gormless? Well tell that to Marvel, because they’re currently in talks with Kenneth Branagh about their new Thor movie. In short, Kenneth Branagh wants to direct Thor.

Kenneth Branagh directing a summertime comic book movie like Thor might sound slightly ridiculous, but the idea has potential – with any luck Branagh will turn Thor into a cross between his modern-day romantic musical interpretation of Love’s Labour Lost and that Frankenstein movie where he made Robert De Niro dress up like Sloth from The Goonies and run around the north pole. Ace!

You know what? We’re really starting to dislike Christopher Nolan. Comic book movies used to be so simple – there’d be a superhero and he’d punch all the baddies and then fly around the world backwards to reverse time and that’d be the end. But then Christopher bloody Nolan had to come along and make everything clever. Thanks a lot, Nolan.

Now that Christopher Nolan has managed to make The Dark Knight both intelligent and massive profitable, everyone’s clamouring to get highbrow arthouse directors to helm their comic book movies. And the logical conclusion of that is Kenneth Branagh directing a comic book movie about a Norse God who looks like a fan fiction version of an Iron Maiden music video and runs around New York with a massive hammer, getting magical powers by eating golden apples.

Which, somewhat bewilderingly, is probably going to happen. Before Marvel can make its long-awaited Avengers movie – starring Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man, possibly Will Smith as Captain America and whoever Edward Norton’s less stroppy Incredible Hulk replacement is – it needs to make a Thor film.

And who better to do it than Kenneth Branagh, the man responsible for directing five Shakespeare adaptations, something about a magical flute and a remake of Sleuth that somehow made people hate Jude Law even more than they already did, even though they didn’t think it was physically possible. Variety reports:

Kenneth Branagh is negotiating to direct “Thor,” the next Marvel Comics property that will be turned into a live-action film by Marvel Studios. Pic will be released in 2010. Marvel Studios chief Kevin Feige‘s choice of Branagh is surprising, as Branagh hasn’t really directed an action-heavy film since his debut on “Henry V,” a bloody telling of the British king’s conquest of France.

Now the easiest thing to do here is knee-jerk, since Kenneth Branagh is mainly known for making mimsying wordy films for English literature teachers and Thor sounds pretty much like it might just be the most berserk film ever made.

But let’s give this idea a chance. After all, if Kenneth Branagh can bring some of the fire and intensity of his acting to Thor, and then add some of the highbrow thoughtfulness of his previously-directed movies, the film could be a winner. And, who knows, it might even inspire some other intellectual movie directors to try their hand at more shamelessly commercial fare.

Whatever next? Ang Lee making an Incredible Hulk movie? Aha hahaha ha.

Oh.