Kelsey Grammer is a magnificently dislikeable human being. Away from his fine role of Frasier, he supports some real crackpot ideas. He thought George Dubya was a cool guy for a kick-off. Of course, this means he’s nothing like his most famous televisual role.

And it seems that us plebians aren’t the only people who wish he was more like Frasier.

On Piers Morgan’s chatshow (another dolt with a face like a doleful yam), he asked Grammer whether he thought his ex-wife, Camille, married him because he was a TV icon. Kelsey replied: “no, I think she married me because I was Frasier.” He really doesn’t know what to do with those toss salad and scrambled eggs.

And so, what does Grammer think of his ex-wife? Is he nice and magnanimous?

Grammer also told the CNN host that his “parting gift” to his third wife was her role in the reality series “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.”

“Whether or not it worked well for her doesn’t matter. It was my way of saying, ‘Look, you always wanted to be famous. Here you go.’ “

And now, after three tumultuous marriages, The Man We Wish Was Frasier says he has at last found true love with his fourth wife, Kayte, who he met in an airport.

“There was a warmth, a glow about her that I was drawn to. And I thought, ‘Boy, I hope she’s on my flight.’ “

Presumably, she doesn’t mind that he’s a Republican. Yep. An actor in Hollywood who is openly right wing.

“I’m a bit of a rebel. I don’t tend to warm too well to people that tell me how I’m supposed to think. So, my life in Hollywood — I’m afraid I was destined to be a Republican.”

And those Tea Bagger nutjobs?

“I’m sympathetic to some of the principles, but I’m not sure that the tea party has behavioural problems, other than the ones that can be identified by people who are inimical to them.”

WAIT!

Hahaha! It doesn’t matter what he says because he sounds like Sideshow Bob! HAHAHAHA!

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Despite possessing a face that almost exactly resembles a Halloween pumpkin lantern, Kelsey Grammer has notched-up an impressive list of stripper ex-wives, Playboy-model ex-wives, illegitimate children and – horrifically – a rumoured sex-tape.

We can only assume he has done so due to an astonishingly likeable personality that counters the fact that his head could easily be mistaken for a jack-o-lantern, but his recent behaviour – having an affair with an air stewardess half his age, getting her pregnant, getting engaged to her whilst still married, allegedly neglecting his children etc – does not seem to indicate it. Could the man act in a more dislikeable and inappropriate manner?

Yes. Yes, he could.

His daughter Spencer (27) got married at the weekend. Did he turn up accompanied by the woman who effectively ended his last marriage, a woman a mere two years older than his daughter? A mere twenty-four hours after his divorce was finalised? Just to really hammer-home the fragility of marriage and long-term human commitment on the day of his daughter’s wedding?

Of course he did.

Rumours that he was so preoccupied with his own self-importance that he almost – due in part to the almost non-existent age gap between daughter and fiancé – gave away his intended instead of his daughter by accident are entirely unconfirmed.

Did he also – ten days BEFORE the date of his daughter’s marriage – announce the date of his own upcoming marriage, set to be only fourteen days AFTER his daughter’s wedding just to really piss on her bonfire?

Of course he did.

Did he – on U.S. television’s Live With Regis and Kelly – justify banging an air-hostess behind the back of his wife of fourteen years before walking out on her and their ten-year old daughter and seven-year old son with the pitifully feeble assertion that he ‘needed more love in his life’, the self-absorbed shit-sack? Before cheerily waving to his off-screen home-wrecker?

Of course he did.

Grammer’s ex-wife of less than a week has stated:

“I wish Kelsey and Kayte love and happiness in their new marriage.”

Yeah, we bet she bloody does.

Grammer, meanwhile, no doubt intends to continue to sport his rictus grin whilst urinating in the eyes of anyone close to him, pausing only to wink, shrug and say “I just need more love”.

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We’re not suggesting for a moment that Kelsey Grammer is a terrible human being. If we met him in real life we’re sure he’d be very agreeable, unlike the series of self-important imbeciles he has portrayed on-screen.

But the odds are becoming increasingly stacked against it.

Kayte Walsh is soon to become wife number four, which is not a great sign. Current wife Camille Donatacci was rumoured to have filed for divorce because Grammer is a truly dreadful father, as we reported back in August. And he used to have a mullet. And he was one of the only celebrities stupid enough to turn up for Dubya’s swearing in after that dodgy election.

Oh. And he’s just got engaged. To a flight-attendant almost half his age. Whilst still married.

This, combined with the negative effects of his face, voice, body and demeanour – all of which are pretty unpleasant without the huge team of comedy screenwriters making him seem tolerable behind him – are starting to add up to a one-way ticket to Dislikeable Island.

The couple were snapped arriving at a Washington D.C. train station this weekend, Walsh (29) wearing a diamond engagement ring so large it could have blinded the waiting photographer, Grammer (55 – yeah, 26 years older – urgh) wearing a massive shit-eating grin all over his unnaturally large face.

We imagine his current wife of fourteen years and mother to two of his children was delighted to see these snaps, as there had been no public announcement of the engagement. Especially as it was reported that Grammer had met Walsh whilst away from home on a one-year stint on Broadway, during which time his wife could be forgiven for thinking her husband was ‘away acting’ and not ‘banging a flight attendant’.

Oh well. Like we say, we’re sure he’s lovely.

He finally confirmed the engagement yesterday. Via his rep. And only after he was hassled about it by some dreadful celebrity news website. Ahem. (Not us.)

What a gent.

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Not so long ago, it was rumoured that Kelsey Grammer’s wife divorced him because he’s a terrible dad.

Well, he’ll show them. Kelsey Grammer wants to prove that he’s brilliant at being a father. And just to prove it, he’s got Kayte Walsh – his new young British girlfriend of about 38 seconds – pregnant. And, boy oh boy, Kelsey Grammer’s going to be there for that baby every second of the day come hell or high water. Unless, you know, he splits up with Kayte Walsh. Which is actually very likely when you look at it statistically.

It’ll be hard for Kelsey Grammer to cope with fatherhood at such an advanced age – there’ll be a screaming, bald, confused, incontinent creature in the house to deal with. But we’re sure the baby will get used to his dad eventually. What? We used that exact same joke about three days ago? Oh, screw off.

We’ll say this for Kelsey Grammer – he doesn’t hang around. When his bland, unoriginal, middle-of-the-road, unpopular sitcom Back To You was cancelled, Kelsey jumped right back on the horse and found another bland, unoriginal, middle-of-the-road, unpopular sitcom to star in. And this is apparently also a strategy he uses for the women in his life.

It’s only been a month since Kelsey Grammer got divorced from his third wife Camille – in a blaze of unsubstantiated rumours of what a shitty father he was – but Kelsey Grammer has already found love again. He’s met, and fallen head over heels for, a British woman 26 years his junior called Kayte Walsh. But Kelsey Grammer has been around the block a few times, so he knows not to rush into anything too serio…

What? Kelsey Grammer has got Kayte Walsh pregnant? Already? Oh Jesus Christ. People reports:

The actor, 55, and his new girlfriend, Kayte Walsh, 29, are expecting a baby together, her father told the Daily Mail and Grammer’s rep confirmed Thursday. “It’s great news and we are very pleased for them both,” Walsh’s father, Alan, told the U.K. paper, adding that he has not met the actor yet and found out about the pregnancy “a couple days ago.”

Actually, you know what? We’re pleased for everyone here. Apart from Kayte Walsh’s dad, obviously, because it must be difficult to accept that your little girl has been knocked up by an old man you’ve never met. And for the baby too, come to think of it, because its parents almost certainly won’t stick together for its entire childhood. But we’re happy for the other two. Sort of. We suppose.

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This isn’t really a question on anybody’s lips, but just pretend that it is – why is Kelsey Grammer getting divorced?

His political views? The fact that he cut his glorious mullet off? The fact that he’s a terrible, terrible, awful father and he deserves to be locked in a cellar? No, it’s definitely not that last one. We know this because Kelsey Grammer has denied claims that his wife left him because he couldn’t be bothered to speak to his own children on Father’s Day.

In fact, Kelsey Grammer says that he did speak to his kids on Father’s Day, and that he loves both of them – Whatshername and The Fat One With The Nose or whatever they’re called – equally. Heartwarming.

It’s not really news that Kelsey Grammer is getting divorced. After all, this is his third marriage – so the story doesn’t have the shock value of Al Gore‘s divorce after 40 years of marriage or the hilarity of Larry King‘s millionth divorce.

But what does make it news is the way that Kelsey Grammer has decided to tell the world what a good dad he is. You see, it had been claimed that Grammer’s wife Camille walked out on him when he didn’t call his two young children on Father’s Day. But, thanks to a combination of the internet and a bizarre need to over-share every single aspect of his entire poxy life, Kelsey Grammer has come forward to deny the story. See? He’s a good dad. No, he’s a great dad. Here’s what he wrote on his website:

“The truth is I did call my kids that evening. Frankly, I was surprised that they did not call me in the morning but I was thousands of miles away and working that day so I didn’t give it a second thought. I called them to see how they were doing as I do almost every night at around the same time, 11 p.m. my time, 8 p.m. their time, just before they go to bed.”

See? Kelsey Grammer is a great… well, actually, no, he’s not a great dad, is he? He’s just essentially berated his own infant children on the internet for not calling him on Father’s Day. But never mind, this is Kelsey Grammer we’re talking about about. We’re sure he’ll find a way to prove what a brilliant dad he is soon.

What’s that? Kelsey has also come forward to say that the mysterious blonde who he was seen getting cozy with at a restaurant recently was actually his daughter from his first marriage? See? Kelsey Grammer really is an excellent father. Well, maybe more creepy than excellent, but let’s not get into semantics here.

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The only time Kelsey Grammer had previously been associated with a sense of impending doom was when people heard he was going to be an X-Man.

But that changed in Hawaii this weekend, when Frasier star Kelsey Grammer suffered a heart attack. Don’t panic, though – it was the just the normal kind of mild heart attack that you’d expect from someone with a history of cocaine and alcohol addiction, and Kelsey Grammer is currently recovering in an undisclosed hospital.

Reports that David Hyde Pierce has also had a mild heart attack that was more pernickity and gay-seeming, just to make Kelsey Grammer’s mild heart attack look more normal are rubbish. Seriously, we made them up just now.

The human body is a wonderously complex machine, but it has its limits. Fire one out of a cannon into a wall or try and ram an electric whisk up one’s bottom and you’ll end up with a criminal record and a gigantic dry cleaning bill. There are some things that the human body just doesn’t want to do.

Take Kelsey Grammer, for example – recently he signed up to star in a Tim Allen-directed comedy about crazy mental patients, and now he’s had a heart attack. Coincidence? Years of abnormally heavy wear and tear? Or was it Kelsey Grammer’s own body protesting about star in a crap-sounding Tim Allen movie? Nobody knows for sure, but it was probably the last one.

Anyway, the point is that Kelsey Grammer has suffered a mild heart attack during a visit to his holiday home in Hawaii. Apparently, though, it’s nothing enormously serious and he’ll be out of hospital by the end of the week. BBC News reports:

Frasier star Kelsey Grammer is recovering after having a mild heart attack, his spokesman has said. The 53-year-old experienced chest pains on Saturday morning while paddle-boarding in Hawaii where the actor has a second home. Spokesman Stan Rosenfield said the star was “resting comfortably” at an undisclosed hospital. The actor was with his wife off the Kona coast of Hawaii’s Big Island, when he experienced symptoms.

As dreadful as it must be for Kelsey Grammer and his family at the moment, a heart attack isn’t really that much of a surprise given some of the stuff that Grammer’s been through.

His father was shot dead by a madman when he was a child, his sister was raped and murdered, he’s had difficulties with drugs and alcohol, one of his ex-wives miscarried during a suicide attempt, he’s been accused of statuatory rape, his best friend is a 2,000 year old ghost called Alex, who teaches him about right and wrong and, perhaps most chillingly of all, he was in X-Men 3. It’s not a life many would envy.

Anyway, get well soon Kelsey Grammer. And hurry back to work - X-Men 4 won’t be the same without you. On second thoughts, you should probably just concentrate on your recovery for the next decade or so.