The internet can be a dark and cruel place full of cyber bullies hiding behind anonymous usernames and bastards like us, who are rewarded by the mainstream media for having blogs dedicated to slagging off celebrities.
Ha!
In fact, the internet is such a vile cesspool of hate that the stars have come out and whinged about how they’re being made fun of too much and it hurts their feelings and that people should care about their pointless little lives and treat them as humans and not the dancing monkeys they actually are.
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Teenage warbler and spawn of the devil (aka Billy Ray) Miley Cyrus, recently ‘fessed up to being the raging pothead we all suspected at her 19th birthday party in Los Angeles.
Guest included, Kelly Osbourne and Rumer Willis, boyfriend Liam Hemsworth and of course her parents who were probably out the back, line-dancing through the piles of money they’ve made from selling their child to the Disney factory.
Miley was presented with a Bob Marley cake and before devouring it face first, she gave a small speech, made up of words.
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Say what you like about Kelly Osbourne, but… no, seriously. Say whatever you like. We’re not Kelly Osbourne so we’re not going to defend her. That’s because she’s rather fond of doing it for herself.
See, Kelly has had a privileged but awkward upbringing, and so, as some coping mechanism, developed a really loud mouth.
If you go after her, she’ll probably huff and puff and yell your house down. So, when an ex of hers starts slating her on twitter, she’s not likely to take it lying down is she? Especially when she’s still grieving over the loss of her friend, Amy Winehouse.
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Dog owners are idiots. They dote on their flea-bitten shit-factories like they’re proper members of the family, despite the fact they do no work around the house, demand food and walkies and are only good for blaming your flatulence on.
Not that dog owners would ever let on. They look into their idiot dog’s eyes and mistake stupidity for some kind of human empathy. ‘My dog understands me and is always there when I need them!’ Dogs are always there, period. They’re after food or a piss, not a heart-to-heart. Dogs probably don’t even have hearts. Just more shit.
Of course, the rest of us perfectly sensible humans have to put up with people when their dogs die. We suffered like Jesus on the cross when Jennifer Aniston’s dog passed-away, and now, we are required to do the same for Kelly Osbourne who has lost the only thing in her life that she felt was an intellectual equal.
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You’d think that Sharon Osbourne was unshockable wouldn’t you? After all, she’s willingly had intercourse with Ozzy Osbourne, probably with the lights on too. She’s also stared at her own surgically enhanced face in the mirror, while wearing no make-up. She lets her dogs shit in the house.
However, it seems Sharon is a bit of a prude, especially when it comes to accidental porn.
Now, that’s not to say she’s discovered a new niche of bongo films, where people get off with each other while in a train wreck (it’s only a matter of time before that takes off), but rather, her cheery daughter, Kelly, has revealed that Sharon was left agog after someone accidentally sent some smut to her mobile.
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Kelly Osbourne, a girl who has more hang-ups than a gallows convention, is shouting her mouth off again in the hope that it makes her appear like she’s one of those Z clicking independent wimmin who won’t be taking no grief from no-one. OKAY?
However, she’s not being all feminist, rather, she’s saying that Hollywood only has two types of people. Charmingly, the two kinds of souls there are fall into either the bitch category, or under the umbrella of ‘slut’.
And with that, she’s confessed that she’d rather be a bitch than a slut. That’s the charm we’ve come to expect from a girl who has yet to work out her purpose in the world whilst taking it out on everyone else.
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Taylor Momsen, is like, totally serious about her music and wants us all to know that, despite distracting us from said music by constantly getting her lady baps out, this really isn’t a “vanity” project.
Of course, you’ll definitely know Momsen from her role as Jenny Humphrey in Gossip Girl. However, she’s been effectively thrown off the show for being unbearable and so brattish that she makes Veruca Salt look as quiet as a sleeping nun.
These days, she’s all about her rock band The Pretty Reckless who have released an album and everything! You won’t know that it was called Light Me Up because you were too busy looking at Taylor’s momsens. You’re not even reading this are you? You’re looking at her busters right now. Sicko.
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Taylor Momsen is no longer the face and eyeshadow of Madonna and her daughter Lourdes Leon’s Material Girl fashion line.
For some reason, fashion lines associated with Madonna don’t sell themselves. While we work out why not, and why her 14-year-old daughter wasn’t the first spokesmodel for her own teenage fashion line, we’ll just let you know Taylor’s got one less way in which to ruin your sofa cushions.
Taylor, of Gossip Girl fame, spent the end of last year representing Material Girl. Which, to be blunt, seemed to mean little more than she would make less than half-a-dozen appearances and pose for the promotional poster. That’s better than the paper round we shared at hecklerspray bedsit, which paid for our milk and cookies, when we were 17-years-old.
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