PETA, they’re a pesky bunch aren’t they? Whenever an opportunity arises, you know that one of their weak and feeble members will be around to call you nasty names. Such is their obsession with animal rights; they didn’t see The Human Centipede as a gross-out horror film, but as a powerful documentary showing man continuing to push animal experimentation to the limit.
Here in the hecklerspray bedsit, we bloody love animals. As we sit in our leather chair, we pass the time by playing a jolly song on our ivory piano and flicking cigars into our monkey paw ashtray.
If PETA had it their way, they’d make animals the rulers of the world. Until this happens, we’ll have to put up with them whining for a bit longer. Normally we’d ignore them, but sometimes they hire people to spread their word. This time it’s Kelly Brook who has revealed herself to be part-snake. CAN SHE UNHINGE HER JAW?!
Read More >>>
Kelly Brook, the only girl who comes anywhere near matching the sheer loveliness of Zooey Deschanel, is off the market again by the looks of it.
The buxom British babe, star of Piranha 3D and… probably something else none of us can quite think of right now, apart from that issue of Playboy she got her norks out for obviously.
Apparently the lovely Kelly has jetted off to the Maldives with her ex Danny Caprisun, a bloke what plays Rugby, that sport where big men give each other special hugs whilst wearing tight tops and shorts.
Read More >>>
In what we can assume is an ongoing campaign to completely desensitise the world to the sight of her in a state of undress, Kelly ‘Naked’ Brook has once again got it all out, this time to flog some trainers to imbeciles who think that purchasing them will either make them ‘look like her’ or ‘have sex with her’.
The ironic thing is that – because they’re largely insane – not a single woman on earth will want to be identified with her, and most men have now seen Kelly ‘Starkers’ Brook in the nip so often that they’re about as excited about it as they about seeing their own girlfriends in their pants brushing their teeth whilst breaking wind in the morning.
Read More >>>
Apart from photographers who like piddling about with snaps almost constantly, we’ve yet to meet anyone who actually likes airbrushed photographs. Women don’t like them because it makes models not real (or ‘imaginary’) and blokes that read wipe-clean mags are too busy screwing their faces up during the vinegar strokes.
Anyway, the Girl Guides are petitioning the government to bring in new laws that would see stickers being put on airbrushed images and Kelly Brook backs it saying that clear warnings should appear.
This all comes on the back of the statistic that says half of 16 to 21-year-old girls would consider cosmetic surgery. Read More >>>
10 – Doctor Who goes to Glastonbury, dances like a twonk – Watch With Mothers
9 - If someone yawns when you talk to them, it means they fancy you. Needless to say, this makes us the sexiest group of people on the planet – Asylum
8 – Kristen Stewart in bizarre ‘smiling’ incident - AmyGrindhouse
7 - Bored of Rock Paper Scissors? Good, us too. That’s why, from now on, we’ll be playing Robot Pirate Ninja Zombie Monkey. Ninja beats pirate, by the way – Geekologie
Read More >>>
Kelly Brook doesn’t have a type, although potential love interests do have to meet her three-part criteria.
Part one: they must be famous. Part two: they must somehow be able to help further Kelly Brook’s career. Part three: it helps if people had previously assumed that they were gay. But so long as you pass those tests, Kelly Brook will embark on a long and passionate romance with you that will last either forever or until she thinks her career needs a bit of a boost.
So congratulations to Matthew Morrison, the famous star of Glee who everyone assumed was gay, for becoming romantically involved with Kelly Brook. May your relationship bring unending happiness, or at least land Kelly Brook a bit-part in a film that nobody will watch. One or the other.
Read More >>>
Multi-talented large-breasted woman Kelly Brook has, according to the Daily Mail, agreed to a photo shoot with Playboy.
You know what that means? If rumors are to be believed, the notoriously body-shy ‘actress/model/whatever pays well’ will take her shirt off. But probably not her pants. Playboy isn’t THAT sort of publication.
The announcement caused controversy absolutely NO-WHERE, as people scratched there heads and were fairly sure they’d already seen her sans shirt elsewhere “in that thing or something and weren’t that fussed anyway ‘cos she’s getting on a bit.”
Read More >>>
You know Danny Dyer right? Yes, the man once dubbed by the Royal Shakespeare Company as ‘the best Hamlet since Olivier’ and praised for his deep, dark and gritty roles borne from Dyer’s unswerving dedication to method acting and delivering performances that Variety call ‘ethereal and devastating’.
Yeah. That Danny Dyer.
Of course, that’s all a bit glib because we all know that Dyer is a new breed of actor that goes to new depths every single time he appears on our screens. He’s invented a new zero-dimensional style of acting that effectively enables him to appear on-screen and act like himself, only ever varied up by the appearance of a cut on his lip or talking either ‘loudly’ or ‘slightly less loudly’.
And so, with opinion on the widest geezer in town at an all-time low, he’s got the sheer bloody nerve to slag someone else off for not being able to act. That’s a bit like a dog-shit criticising a rancid open sore for being too stinky. Dyer has set his phaser to ‘blah’ and Kelly Brook is in the crosshair.
Read More >>>
