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Here at hecklerspray, we take stalking very seriously indeed. So seriously in fact, we spend all of our bingo winnings on really hi-tech night vision goggles making sure all those celebrities are safe from harm while undressing in front of their bedroom windows at night.
However, in the days before Tom Cruise was the only slightly sinister man to follow Nicole Kidman around, she has revealed that she was once stalked as a teenager.
This wouldn’t have happened on our watch.
Each time Nicole Kidman has set foot outside over the last couple of years, the world has peered at the outline of her belly and openly wondered how many babies she had stashed inside it.
Sadly, most of the time Nicole Kidman had zero babies in her belly, with the stomach lumps probably either being nothing more than either trapped wind or a distortion caused by her stomach housing three semi-digested edamame beans instead of the usual two. But now, finally, Nicole Kidman has managed to get pregnant with help from her overpolished country singer husband Keith Urban. Nobody knows what sex Nicole Kidman's baby will be, or even when it's due, but we honestly couldn't be more thrilled for Nicole and Keith. Keith especially, because soon Nicole Kidman will be so busy looking after her tot that she won't notice if he goes out and gets drunk every now and then.
