ITV2 is a very odd channel. They seem intent on keeping Kerry Katona’s career alive for reasons that quite frankly baffle anyone with half a brain cell, even budget supermarket Iceland had enough sense to get rid of her and they had an advert in which Jason Donovan did the can-can in fish nets.

But even by their usual insane standards ITV2 has thrown us a curve ball, by using an obscure 90s alternative band famed for excess and eccentricity to advertise their middle of the road teen drama Gossip Girl.

Whilst getting our daily Loose Women fix we here in the hecklerspray bedsit couldn’t help but notice that the trailer for the new series of Gossip Girl featured the song Love Your Money by Daisy Chainsaw.

Because what says cool teen drama about modern day problems better than a pre-Cobain anthem about how shallow the record industry is?

For those unfamiliar with Daisy Chainsaw they were an alt.grunge band that inhabited the early to mid 90s with a borderline creepy juxtaposition of grinding guitars and child like vocals who went on to become the cult, Paris based, post-millennium rock band Queen Adreena.

They were also once referenced in an episode of Roseanne as Darlene’s favourite band, which automatically elevates their status to legendary.

Imagine if Gossip Girl star and singer for the Pretty Reckless, Taylor Momson, was fused with Keith Richards by way of post meltdown Charlie Sheen and you’ve probably got a pretty good idea of what Daisy Chainsaw singer KatieJane Garside was like in her Daisy Chainsaw days.

Garside once reportedly got so tired of her fame that she went to live in the woods for a few years. Could you imagine the sweet little pop-punk rebel Taylor Momson doing that, living in the woods, all on her own? She wouldn’t last a day without her eyeliner.

Plus she’d actually have to do something of note to achieve said fame in the first place, other than getting her underage baps out for the enjoyment of nonces everywhere that is.

While we’re naturally delighted that Daisy Chainsaw (and therefore Queen Adreena) are being given a fresh breath of life, we just wish it didn’t have to be in a bloody Gossip Girl trailer.

Because there’s nothing more annoying than listening to one of your favourite early 90s rock song without some peroxide blonde, Fukushima orange, shrieking jezebel, clad in an oversized t-shirt that proclaims something vacuous like OMG or LOL, clacking her way towards you in stripper heels whilst using her piercing, shrill voice to loudly exclaim, “OMG! Is that like, the song from the gossip girl ad!? It’s totally fetch!”

Although, it would be brilliant to see the new series of whatever it is ITV2 use as a platform to show Kerry Katona advertised using the Queen Adreena song Pretty Like Drugs.

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Some Rolling Stones facts for you: 1) The Rolling Stones have a combined age of just over three million.

2) Mick Jagger was friends with Moses. 3) Approximately 85% of The Rolling Stones is gristle, making it unlikely that they’ll ever be turned into sausages. But despite being so old that they now legitimately look like a bunch of ghost transvestites, The Rolling Stones are still refusing to split up.

The band have angrily denied Australian reports that drummer Charlie Watts will no longer tour as part of The Rolling Stones. They say that Charlie Watts’s drumming is as integral to the band’s sound as Mick’s howl, Keith’s licks and the general screeching grind of osteoporosis that can be heard whenever the three of them get together and move in unison. Or something.

The Rolling Stones aren’t a particularly pretty sight at the moment. Ronnie Wood has transformed into a sort of alcoholic, woman-beating crow. Keith Richards looks like the end result of an experiment to remake the clay bust from the Lionel Richie Hello video out of sun-dried animal scrotums. Mick Jagger increasingly looks like the rebel faction of the WI. And then there’s Charlie Watts – the member of the Rolling Stones it’s OK to not be visually appalled by.

But if rumours from Australia are to be believed, Charlie Watts might not be a member of The Rolling Stones for much longer. Reports yesterday suggested that Watts – who, to be fair, turns 69 next week – will back out from touring with the band, but will remain to record whatever half-baked, underperforming albums The Rolling Stones choose to record.

But, hey, turns out it’s all bollocks. Charlie Watts isn’t going anywhere – partly because he loves The Rolling Stones, and partly because he’s old and it hurts when he walks. NME reports:

“Contrary to a fabricated and ill informed report that appeared yesterday on a small music website in Australia, we would like to make it clear that drummer Charlie Watts has not left The Rolling Stones,” a spokesperson explained.

That’s great news! And be sure to keep checking hecklerspray – first for embarrassingly minor news about peripheral members of bands that people haven’t cared about for 30 years. Well, maybe not first as such.

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It’s a predicament we’ve all faced, really.

You bring a newly-cremated loved one home and open up the urn, only to have some of the ashes spew onto the table. Dang it all. Now you have to go to the trouble of carefully sweeping the ashy vestiges of your great granny back in there using your pinky. Unless you’re Keith Richards. If you’re Keith Richards you daub up those ashes on your pinky and stick it up your nose hole and snort like you’ve never snorted before.

For reals this time, guys. This time he says he really did it for reals.

About a year ago, Keith Richards, aging/old/defying-the-laws-of-drug-usage-to-still-alive rocker from The Rolling Stones, revealed in an interview with NME that he mixed up a little delightful blow comprised of cocaine and some of his daddy Bert’s ashes and had himself a lovely snort. Despite the fact that there really is not a whole lot Keith Richards can do to shock even an ardently religious woman who teaches Sunday school and showers fully clothed, the whole dad-snorting thing was a bit shocking.

It was also a bit false. Right after the disgusting twistedness of somebody ingesting another human being – other than for purely cannibalistic purposes, which we fully support – was revealed, Keith Richards said the whole thing was just a bit of tomfoolery:

“The truth of the matter is that I planted a sturdy English Oak. I took the lid off the box of ashes, and he is now growing oak trees and would love me for it!!!”

Okay, okay, but NOW Keith Richards is saying he really DID do it. In addition to the long list of non-drugs he’s likely sniffed – baking powder, gardenia scented body talc, detergent, Pixie Stix, golf balls (unsuccessfully) – Keith Richards says he did take a snort of Bertie-boy, just not with cocaine. Look here at what he told Blender magazine:

“I looked at my dad’s ashes down there and – what am I gonna do? “Do I desecrate them with a dustbin and broom? So I wet me [sic] finger and I shoved a little bit of Dad up me [sic] hooter. The rest of them I put round an oak tree, which is coming up a treat. And I’m sure he’s still blessing me.”

Hear that? One man’s hooter is another man’s nostril. Good thing the Hooters restaurant chain wasn’t started by Keith Richards. It would have quite a different image, now wouldn’t it.

But, hey, Keith Richards snorting weird stuff isn’t always negative. There was that one time we heard he tried to snort Mick Jagger. It caused quite a rift amongst the band for a while, but ended up leading to one of their most influential songs in music history, (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction from Snorting Mick Jagger. Thus, we fully support whatever Keith Richards wants to snort for the sake of the music.

Except for drugs. Drugs are bad. Stay in school.

Read more:

Keith Richards: I DID Snort My Dad’s Ashes - Huffington Post

David Blaine is at a crossroads – after all, how do you top standing on a pole and standing near some ice and sitting around in a box for a while?

Which is why, for his next big trick, David Blaine has decided to stay awake for 13 days.

Trouble is, though, Keith Richards doesn't want David Blaine to do that. Keith Richards, speaking from experience, says that there are unknown dangers involved with staying awake for days, like falling face-first into a JVC speaker and smashing up your nose after nine days. Similarly, Keith Richards has warned David Blaine against climbing up tiny coconut trees that most children would be able to scale safely without falling and snorting the ashes of dead relatives.

Maybe it's because Shine A Light's being released soon, but it's impossible to get rid of Keith Richards at the moment. He's sort of become the Alan Hansen of celebrity news – a battle-scarred veteran full of 'in my day' stories and ready advice for the young.

Not so long ago Keith Richards was telling everyone that Amy Winehouse will be dead soon because drugs are dangerous these days, and now he's doing the same thing to David Blaine. Seriously, we'd give Keith a fortnight before he becomes a regular GMTV pundit, discussing teenage cosmetic surgery with Lorraine Kelly.

Anyway, back to David Blaine. David Blaine has carved out a niche for himself as a kind of slow-motion Jackass member who, instead of getting gored by a bull, gets his kicks from almost drowning himself and almost starving himself and spinning around until he almost pukes over the course of a couple of weeks for fun and profit. And David Blaine's next stunt involves two weeks of sleep deprivation.

Most people who have attempted to stay awake for days know that the biggest threat of failure occurs when ITV Nightscreen comes on and teases you with its rubbishness until you realise that you may as well just go to bed, but Keith Richards has more pressing concerns for David Blaine – what if Blaine gets to nine days and then falls headfirst into a JVC speaker? Huh? The San Francisco Chronicle reports:

Richards claims he managed to stay awake for nine days back in the 1970s, thanks to a cocktail of narcotics, but the feat ended badly. He reveals, "On the ninth day I was putting a tape into a tape deck. In 0.3 of a second I fell asleep and crashed headfirst into a JVC speaker, smashing my nose apart. I just lay there and let it bleed. It was a chemical thing."

David Blaine's people are thought to have heeded Keith Richards' warning – for his stunt David Blaine won't be a) surrounded by confusingly outmoded 1970s technology or b) be completely off his mash on as many hard drugs as he can fit into his mouth. Problem solved.

Of course, even without a tape deck to break his nose on, the threat of damage to David Blaine is pretty huge. By denying the body its right to sleep, there's a genuine chance that David Blaine will start to go mad during his stunt. Without exaggeration, the lack of sleep could destroy the rest of his life. 

But then again, if that means that we won't have to put up with David Blaine doing any more big attention-seeking stunts then we're OK with it. He can stay awake for a couple of months if that's the case.

Read more:

Richards' Sleep Stunt Warning For Blaine – SFC 

Sometimes you've just got to stop and take stock.

If a Formula One driver tutted and shook his head at you as you sped through a housing estate, for example, you'd probably think it a wise move to step off the accelerator. On a similar note, if Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards – a man who has ingested more drugs than six generations of lab monkeys – told you that you were dabbling in the ol' excess a bit too much, you'd give serious thought to putting the crackpipe down.

It remains to be seen whether Amy Winehouse will curb her naughty druggy activities, however. Keith Richards, you see, has revealed that – while Amy is the only modern pop star he actually admires – she'll more than likely be pushing up the daisies before too long unless she gives those narcotics a rest.

Keith's concerns aren't something that should be taken lightly. A former heroin addict who still smokes weed 'all the damn time', he's as familiar with drugs as Stephen Hawking is with weird space stuff or Russell Brand is with not being funny. He's also pretty handy with an instrument, too, which is why his thoughts on the prevalent music scene are always of particular interest.

When questioned about which modern artists he liked, Keith drawled:

"There's only one person. That girl Amy. Mind you, that girl isn't going to be around long unless she sorts herself out pretty quick. Amy's got to get smart. I'm not a preacher. But I've been there and you have to pass it on."

A damning indictment, indeed.

Although – to be fair – Keith should realise that drugs have their good side too. Let's face it – if it hadn't been for that cocaine speedball and sixty valium tablets all washed down with a litre of meths, hecklerspray probably wouldn't have made it through thirty seconds of his grizzled non-performance in official Worst Film Ever Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End.

The Odeon staff made us clean up all the sick afterwards, mind.

Read More:

Keith Richards: Amy is only singer I rate, but she won't be around for long unless she cleans up her act – Daily Mail