Articles tagged with: Katie Holmes
Katie Holmes Admits She Courted Her Fame As Part Of ‘TomKat’
Here's a guest blog by the wonder that is Amy Grindhouse... Katie Holmes is a woman whom many find enigmatic. She was once Joey Potter on Dawson's Creek and now she is known for being little more than the kept woman looking all shiny eyed, whilst hanging off Tom Cruise's arm. The actress and mother is the subject of much speculation and often ridicule. Some think that she is the kid who got lucky and married her childhood crush, while others think that she is the target of a clever Scientology-based blind date system, where the winner gets to be shackled to their famous mate for the rest of their lives.
Here's a guest blog by the wonder that is Amy Grindhouse... Katie Holmes is a woman whom many find enigmatic. She was once Joey Potter on Dawson's Creek and now she is known for being little more than the kept woman looking all shiny eyed, whilst hanging off Tom Cruise's arm. The actress and mother is the subject of much speculation and often ridicule. Some think that she is the kid who got lucky and married her childhood crush, while others think that she is the target of a clever Scientology-based blind date system, where the winner gets to be shackled to their famous mate for the rest of their lives.
This Just In: Katie Holmes Sort Of Likes Her Own Child
Katie Holmes has never really been that well known for her giant profundity, but that's all about to change. And it's all down to Suri Cruise. You see, the effect of Suri Cruise on Katie Holmes has been enormous. So big that Katie Holmes has just become the first mother in all of history to publicly state that she quite likes her child. It goes further. Katie Holmes has called being a mother 'the most important job in the world'. Take that Ban Ki-moon, and don't come back until you've learnt how to cook fish fingers for crying ungrateful brats.
Katie Holmes has never really been that well known for her giant profundity, but that's all about to change. And it's all down to Suri Cruise. You see, the effect of Suri Cruise on Katie Holmes has been enormous. So big that Katie Holmes has just become the first mother in all of history to publicly state that she quite likes her child. It goes further. Katie Holmes has called being a mother 'the most important job in the world'. Take that Ban Ki-moon, and don't come back until you've learnt how to cook fish fingers for crying ungrateful brats.
Tom Cruise Somehow Makes Katie Holmes’ Birthday All About Him
The end of the play All My Sons is profoundly sad - when the family's patriarch kills himself to end his unbearable guilt and then everyone celebrates with cake. Wait a minute, everyone celebrates with what? That isn't in the script - All My Sons ends with the patriarch killing himself to end his unbearable guilt and then everyone unites in a tableau of profound grief. Where's all this bloody cake come from? Oh, Tom Cruise. We should have known. Yesterday was Katie Holmes' 30th birthday, so Tom Cruise sent cake and champagne for everyone in the play to enjoy. In a tableau of profound grief, obviously.
The end of the play All My Sons is profoundly sad - when the family's patriarch kills himself to end his unbearable guilt and then everyone celebrates with cake. Wait a minute, everyone celebrates with what? That isn't in the script - All My Sons ends with the patriarch killing himself to end his unbearable guilt and then everyone unites in a tableau of profound grief. Where's all this bloody cake come from? Oh, Tom Cruise. We should have known. Yesterday was Katie Holmes' 30th birthday, so Tom Cruise sent cake and champagne for everyone in the play to enjoy. In a tableau of profound grief, obviously.
Suri Cruise The Most Powerful Baby, Says Genuinely Creepy List
Have you ever stayed awake at night wondering who the most influential celebrity baby is? You have? You're on some sort of government register, aren't you. However, on the off-chance that your interest in the preschool children of Hollywood celebrities is down to something other that surging waves of barely-controlled paedophilia, you should take a look at the just-published Forbes annual '10 Hottest Tots' lists. Just, you know, be sure to hide the magazine inside a less incriminating magazine first, like Big Droopy Knockers or Readers Disgusting BDSM Infantilism Fantasies. And, for anyone who actually cares, Suri Cruise was named the most influential baby this year. Of course, it seems silly to rank toddlers based on their power and influence but, since Suri Cruise is the only celebrity baby able to summon the mighty Xenu to smite her foes inside his all-powerful fist, she was probably always going to make at least the top three.
Have you ever stayed awake at night wondering who the most influential celebrity baby is? You have? You're on some sort of government register, aren't you. However, on the off-chance that your interest in the preschool children of Hollywood celebrities is down to something other that surging waves of barely-controlled paedophilia, you should take a look at the just-published Forbes annual '10 Hottest Tots' lists. Just, you know, be sure to hide the magazine inside a less incriminating magazine first, like Big Droopy Knockers or Readers Disgusting BDSM Infantilism Fantasies. And, for anyone who actually cares, Suri Cruise was named the most influential baby this year. Of course, it seems silly to rank toddlers based on their power and influence but, since Suri Cruise is the only celebrity baby able to summon the mighty Xenu to smite her foes inside his all-powerful fist, she was probably always going to make at least the top three.
Katie Holmes Does Some Acting, Seems To Think It’s A Big Deal
With the economy the way it is, what better way to cheer everyone up than a 61-year-old play about suicide starring Tom Cruise's wife? Last night, that's what the world got - Katie Holmes made her Broadway debut in Arthur Miller's All My Sons. It's a big career move for her - we'll no longer see Katie Holmes as Tom Cruise's wife, but as Tom Cruise's wife who Tom Cruise occasionally lets star in plays so long as she promises to never get more famous than him. All My Sons is, of course, a harsh critique of the American dream and an examination of culpability in the face of death. Or at least it was - we hear that Tom Cruise was at dress rehearsal last night, and as a result the finished play has got more atomic bombs and volcanoes and evil alien overlords in it. Plus the Katie Holmes character is now locked in something called a 'Thetan Cage' for the entire play. We don't know why that is.
With the economy the way it is, what better way to cheer everyone up than a 61-year-old play about suicide starring Tom Cruise's wife? Last night, that's what the world got - Katie Holmes made her Broadway debut in Arthur Miller's All My Sons. It's a big career move for her - we'll no longer see Katie Holmes as Tom Cruise's wife, but as Tom Cruise's wife who Tom Cruise occasionally lets star in plays so long as she promises to never get more famous than him. All My Sons is, of course, a harsh critique of the American dream and an examination of culpability in the face of death. Or at least it was - we hear that Tom Cruise was at dress rehearsal last night, and as a result the finished play has got more atomic bombs and volcanoes and evil alien overlords in it. Plus the Katie Holmes character is now locked in something called a 'Thetan Cage' for the entire play. We don't know why that is.
Katie Holmes Finally Gets All Those Protests She Was Promised
Anticipation was high for Katie Holmes' Broadway debut last night - it means that Maggie Gyllenhaal will soon take her role and everyone'll like the play better. However, Katie Holmes must have also been fairly excited ahead of her debut in All My Sons - not only would it teach her critics once and for all that she was an actress to contend with, but it'd also give her plenty of chances to blink out 'HELP ME HELP ME HE KEEPS ME LOCKED IN A CAGE HELP ME' in Morse code to a room of understanding strangers every night. But, of course, Katie Holmes' Broadway debut was also exciting for the members of anti-Scientology group Anonymous, who decided to bring down Scientology once and for all by getting about 20 people to stand outside the theatre holding some signs in a sort of semi-apologetic way. Yeah, take that, Scientology.
Anticipation was high for Katie Holmes' Broadway debut last night - it means that Maggie Gyllenhaal will soon take her role and everyone'll like the play better. However, Katie Holmes must have also been fairly excited ahead of her debut in All My Sons - not only would it teach her critics once and for all that she was an actress to contend with, but it'd also give her plenty of chances to blink out 'HELP ME HELP ME HE KEEPS ME LOCKED IN A CAGE HELP ME' in Morse code to a room of understanding strangers every night. But, of course, Katie Holmes' Broadway debut was also exciting for the members of anti-Scientology group Anonymous, who decided to bring down Scientology once and for all by getting about 20 people to stand outside the theatre holding some signs in a sort of semi-apologetic way. Yeah, take that, Scientology.
Tom Cruise Weathers Tropic(al) Thunder to Walk Katie Holmes to Work. Or Something.
It would appear that Katie Holmes didn't manage to run away from Tom Cruise as fast as we would have hoped for the poor girl. She did manage to escape to the other side of the US 'to be in a Broadway show', as the official story put it - we know that was just a cover, and we urged Katie to run for her Creeking life. But it would seem her cover of 'I have a job over there' didn't hold water with hubby Tom Cruise, and the fat bald one from Tropic Thunder has re-stamped his authority on Katie Holmes. We tried to save her, we really did, but for some people there's just no way around it. She's consigned herself to a lifetime of being lead around by a dwarf, as she allowed the Cruiser to fly all the way across the country just to walk her to work. Why didn't you run, Katie? Why?
It would appear that Katie Holmes didn't manage to run away from Tom Cruise as fast as we would have hoped for the poor girl. She did manage to escape to the other side of the US 'to be in a Broadway show', as the official story put it - we know that was just a cover, and we urged Katie to run for her Creeking life. But it would seem her cover of 'I have a job over there' didn't hold water with hubby Tom Cruise, and the fat bald one from Tropic Thunder has re-stamped his authority on Katie Holmes. We tried to save her, we really did, but for some people there's just no way around it. She's consigned herself to a lifetime of being lead around by a dwarf, as she allowed the Cruiser to fly all the way across the country just to walk her to work. Why didn't you run, Katie? Why?
Katie Holmes Runs Away From Tom Cruise, Maybe…While Screaming…Possibly
Run, Katie Holmes! Run as if Dawson's massive forehead were behind you! You're so close to freedom! For the first time in what seems like an ice age, Katie has escaped the clutches of everybody's favourite evil Nazi, Tom Cruise. Scampering away to New York City with daughter Suri in tow, Holmes was free to roam as she saw fit, without the watchful eye of the Cruiser looking over her shoulder. The official story behind her visit to NYC is that Katie Holmes is about to star in the Broadway production of Arthur Miller's All My Sons - but we know better. It's an escape ploy from Katie - she's clearly running back to the Creek: the one place she can feel truly safe from Maverick and his Scientology cronies.
Run, Katie Holmes! Run as if Dawson's massive forehead were behind you! You're so close to freedom! For the first time in what seems like an ice age, Katie has escaped the clutches of everybody's favourite evil Nazi, Tom Cruise. Scampering away to New York City with daughter Suri in tow, Holmes was free to roam as she saw fit, without the watchful eye of the Cruiser looking over her shoulder. The official story behind her visit to NYC is that Katie Holmes is about to star in the Broadway production of Arthur Miller's All My Sons - but we know better. It's an escape ploy from Katie - she's clearly running back to the Creek: the one place she can feel truly safe from Maverick and his Scientology cronies.
