Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Sometimes I literally have no idea what I’m doing with my life. This is one of those nights, because I just took an ativan and now I’m about to blog about Jamie Foxx and Katie Holmes, two people I don’t know, and how they’re FINALLY allowed to be a couple in public after five fucking years because her weird Scientology contract is up.
What kind of goddamn world are we living in? Anyway, back to Jamie and Katie.
As we all know for 100% fact, Katie Holmes had to sign an agreement with Tom Cruise in their crazy Scientology divorce saying that if she wanted full custody of their daughter Suri she couldn’t publically date anyone for five years. This is definitely true.
So, for like three years, Katie was dating Jamie Foxx on the DL until LAST year, when her no public dating agreement wore out and the two were spotted holding hands on the beach.
Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx have allegedly been a top secret couple for about four years now, but you have a better chance of seeing Kendall Jenner wearing a bra than you do seeing them together. It’s been rumoured that in her divorce from Tom Cruise back in 2012, Tom agreed to give Katie full custody of their daughter Suri if SHE agreed to never talk about him and Scientology, and didn’t publicly date anyone for 5 years post-divorce. Crazy shit, right?
The above picture of Elizabeth Hurley was taken by her son, Damian, just yesterday. Elizabeth Hurley is 51-years-old and, no matter how hard I work out (which is pretty hard), I will probably never look as good in a bikini as this woman does. I don’t have her magnificent breasts. But you know what? That’s ok! Most of us don’t!
Liz looks AMAZING, no doubt, but she’s definitely one of those hot, older women that you’d see on a tabloid cover in the HOT section of bikini bods, with some other celeb mom in the NOT section next to her just because she has some cellulite or some shit.
The rumour mill (whatever that is) has been saying for years now that Jamie Foxx and Katie Holmes are this big, serious secret couple. Even though they’ve only been photographed together like twice, it still seems to be a story that won’t die.
For the most part you never hear about these two, but every so often UsWeekly will post about a special date night or some shit with zero photographic evidence, so I’m starting to wonder if Katie and Jamie are a real thing, or if UsWeekly is pulling a Gretchen Weiner with Fetch and is just really trying to make them a thing.
Remember when Mel Gibson was a respected Hollywood movie star and mega hunk? But then he went all crazy, built a church on his own property, said a bunch of anti-Semitic shit, was a huge pervy drunk, and made that AWFUL Bible porn movie, “The Passion of the Christ?” And all of that kind of ruined his career. I mean, what has he really done sense? Luckily for Tom Cruise, he’s no Mel Gibson.
In the past 10 years, Tom Cruise has definitely lost almost all of his hunk status due to weird, couch-jumping behaviour and intense relationship with Hollywood’s own Heaven’s Gate: Scientology. Yet somehow, he’s still getting these big budget film roles. Up next: a reboot of the Brendan Frasier masterpiece, “The Mummy.”
The world first came to know the beautiful Katie Holmes from her role as Joey Potter on Dawson’s Creek. Unfortunately, her career was soon overshadowed by her six year marriage to Tom Cruise. It’s time to change that and get back to celebrating Ms Holmes.
Katie Holmes’s post Dawson’s Creek career was actually pretty well planned. She didn’t get stuck in crappy films and her roles often showed off her talent. For example, Pieces of April was a great comedy which really told the world she could act.
Katie Holmes is on the upcoming issue of Glamour magazine and she looks like an absolute fox. I mean, a real 10. And inside the magazine she gives an interview that, dare I say, doesn’t creep me out. Remember back when she was with Tom Cruise and she cut all her hair off and only gave interviews that sounded like she was whacked on Ativan and said “magical” in like every sentence?
Well, like Nicole Kidman before her, now free of Tom and Scientology, Katie has re-embraced the hot, stopped drinking the magic kool-aid so she sounds like a real person again, and is rebuilding her career. Hot bitches who are better off without Tom Cruise: 4*, Scientology: 0.
In the last two weeks, Kaley Cuoco married a guy that she dated for about an hour and Hilary Duff split up with her weird looking husband after three years of marriage. What do these things have in common? Well, technically, nothing other than the fact that both Kaley and Hilary are blond starlets that married athletes, but I have no desire in writing about female stars who get wetties for athletes.
Nope, what they have in common that I’m interested in is the fact that both Hilary and Kaley’s marriages were ones that probably should’ve waited. Hilary was only 23 when she got married, which is super young by today’s standards, and I’ve had heartburn longer than Kaley knew her husband. People in Hollywood have a lot of money, which means they often blow it on stupid shit like getting married without thinking about it. Sometimes they get married too young and sometimes they get married too quickly after being with someone. And we all know how that ends up going for them.
Tom Cruise is gunning for Life & Style for coming out with a story about his crappy ass long distance parenting.? It’s pretty rare for a celebrity to go after a tabloid for printing shit about them that they deem untrue.? Usually the celeb in question comes out with a “That shit ain’t true!” statement or publicity stunt, and life goes on.? So for Cruise to take legal action is a pretty big deal.
Now to some, this may scream “He’s innocent!”? What it really means is that he’s got a buttload of money and a plethora of aliens behind him with even more money and at a certain point, everyone can be bought.? Shit, look at his last two marriages.
