Of all celebrity feuds, none have been odder than the one between Kathleen Turner and Nicholas Cage about whether or not he stole someone's chihuahua once.

It was a serious feud, too - after Kathleen Turner accused Nicolas Cage of stealing chihuahuas and drunk driving in her autobiography, Cage took her to the High Court for it.

But now it's all come juddering to an end, with Kathleen Turner making a public apology for the claims. Thanks heavens - now we can all stop thinking of Nicolas Cage as the man who stole a chihuahua and go back to thinking of him as the man who runs up hills dressed as a bear and punches girls square in the face. It's his comfort zone, if you will.

To people of a certain age with very specific brain malfunctions, Nicolas Cage and Kathleen Turner are the epitome of sex and grace. So it's a shame they're out to get each other.

Fed up with a passage in her autobiography claiming that he's not only a drink-driver but a brazen chihuahua-thief, Nicolas Cage has decided to sue Kathleen Turner for everything she's got - which at the last count totalled three boxes of Serial Mom VHS tapes, some elastic-waisted jeans and half a packet of Lockets.

Still, Kathleen Turner should count herself lucky that Nicolas Cage is only suing her - it's only common decency that's stopping him from jumping into his old bear suit and smacking her right in the face.