Imagine being Kate Moss. What do you do with your life? You stand around in a variety of clothes, which people hang off your bony frame and generally lord it up like you have an actual talent other than your genetic make-up.
Despite a clear lack of anything worthwhile, other than being sufficiently bland enough not to distract people from the garments you’re wearing, that still doesn’t mean you can’t act like a pompous, deserving buffoon.
And that’s exactly what’s happening as Kate Moss has revealed that she isn’t keen on interacting with her admirers on Twitter. Basically, you plebs don’t deserve her musings.
Models are, if we’re being honest, the most crashingly wearisome humans on Earth. They’re hired to be transparent when wearing clothes (why would a designer hire a human who actively distracts you from their clothes, huh?) and work so much that their lives are a series of non-events.
The only time anyone gets truly interested in a model is when they start talking about the terrible regimes they endure to stay so sickeningly thin. Laxatives, cigarettes and bulimia doesn’t make for a glamorous proposition.
And so, Kate Moss has started work on her first autobiography, which will hopefully be mostly focusing on what a monster Naomi Campbell seems to be.
Lady GaGa is a huge Anglophile. Now, that doesn’t mean she sexually preys on isosceles triangles, but rather, she’s a big fan of England and Britain. That can only be attributed to the fact she hasn’t been a regular visitor to this godforsaken raincloud.
Either way, this weekend, she’s been in Blighty and in turn, hanging around with the entirely pointless Kate Moss before making her way up to Carlisle to upset just about everyone who listens to Radio1 on a regular basis.
Clothes are quite an integral part of our lives. Not only do they stop our dangly bits getting in the way of sharp pointy objects but they allow designers to flog all sorts of overpriced garments that cost peanuts to make in sweatshops all over Asia.
But if you have no real ethics or morals, the main purpose of clothing is to keep look more fashionable than everyone else.
Out of the two fairer sexes, women are the ones who’ll often do battle with each other as they attempt to outdo everyone else in the fashion stakes. Stilettos will be used as makeshift daggers as fights break out over pairs discount leggings that at best look like they were modelled on a bin bags.
Kate Moss is a dribbling simpleton isn’t she? No, not because she’s a model who are all uniformly thick. You know Moss is a dunce by looking at her circle of friends and lovers. She was in a romance with wailing barf-bucket Pete Doherty, as well as (reportedly) chasing Courtney Love around a hotel so she could stick fingers into Hollywood’s largest vagina.
She’s also chums with the bass player from The Most Overrated Group In The Whole World The Clash and hangs around with glass-eyed Sadie Frost. Her world is filled with people hurr-hurring to themselves about how funny clouds are and filled with silences teaming with brains trying to work out how people manage to grow sausages in a can.
And now, she’s swapping bodily fluids with Jamie Hince (a nobody from nothing band The Kills) and having a marriage which may or may not be a figment of our collective imagination. Read More >>>
Look at Courtney Love. Seriously, look at her – look at her bedraggled hair and giant fishy mouth.
That woman is SEXY. Don’t deny it. Whatever your gender or sexual persuasion, you can’t deny that you’d like to have sex with Courtney Love. It’s her deeply-ingrained sexuality that does it. Or her basic lack of communication skills. Or the way that her eyes don’t seem to point in the same direction sometimes. Or the way that having sex with Courtney Love is the closest that most people will ever come to having sex with a 75-year-old homeless man.
That’s why we can forgive Kate Moss, who Courtney Love named as one of her sexual partners, before denying it. And it’s also why we can’t understand Courtney Love’s boyfriend Andre Balazs, who’s just dumped Courtney Love over the claims. Because, really? He chose that reason, out of everything? Weirdo.
Kate Moss is a model who has made her living by prancing up and down various catwalks in vile overpriced garments.
She’s also a world leader when it comes to helping musicians record their worst material. Pete Doherty, The Lemonheads, Primal Scream – at one point or another, they’ve all decided that what their sound really needs is a flatly disinterested Croydon mew droning out of the left speaker.
Now that Kate Moss is with another rubbish indie frontman, That Tit From The Kills, she’s inspired a whole new album of wrongness. But it’s OK – she destroyed the only known recordings! Go Kate! You earned that Jaffa cake!
Kate Moss is a model who has made her living by prancing up and down various catwalks in vile overpriced garments.
