Michael Lohan may have, allegedly, set a new record for mind-blowing scumminess.
We say ‘allegedly’, as we’re awaiting official verification that Michael is really the scum of the earth. We’re expecting that certified letter in the post, any day now.
There are some pretty breathtaking allegations being slung at Michael right now. Not that most of his deplorable and exploitative behaviour surprises us at this point. However, there’s one thing in particular that’s stuck in our craws. The accusation that Michael took pictures of half-naked ex-fiance Kate Major while she was passed out in bed, ones so NSFW and objectionable that we’re not even willing to link to them, and he sold them.
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We’d like to sincerely apologise to Michael Lohan. In the past we’ve mocked him for discussing Lindsay Lohan’s personal life.
And we’re sorry. We’re truly sorry. Michael Lohan, if you’re reading this, we’d like you to keep revealing aspects of Lindsay Lohan’s personal life to the press, in as minuscule detail as you can possibly manage. Because now we’ve seen what the alternative is, and it’s several times worse.
The alternative to Michael Lohan talking about Lindsay Lohan’s personal life, you see, is Michael Lohan talking about his own personal life. Specifically, talking about how many times he gets to have sex with his new fiance every night. And – given that even thinking about Michael Lohan’s pink, jail-worn penis for even a second is enough to induce waves of feverish vomiting – we’d happily go back to hearing him bang on about how close to death Lindsay Lohan is at any given point in time. Happily.
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Michael Lohan may have, allegedly, set a new record for mind-blowing scumminess. 
