Articles tagged with: Kate Gosselin
Now Kate Gosselin Is Sorry For Everything As Well, Honest
Aside from depressing the world silly, there's nothing that Jon and Kate Gosselin like more than a good old competition. Remember when Jon and Kate split up? They had a competition to see who was the biggest underdog. And then that somehow gave way to their competition to see who could come off as the most genuinely abhorrent. And now they're having a competition to see who can be more sorry for their behaviour. On Sunday Jon Gosselin told a Jewish Centre that he was sorry for everything, but Kate's not taking that sitting down - she's appeared on TV to tell the world that she's so sorry for every single thing she's ever done in her entire life that it sometimes makes her poo blood. Or something.
Aside from depressing the world silly, there's nothing that Jon and Kate Gosselin like more than a good old competition. Remember when Jon and Kate split up? They had a competition to see who was the biggest underdog. And then that somehow gave way to their competition to see who could come off as the most genuinely abhorrent. And now they're having a competition to see who can be more sorry for their behaviour. On Sunday Jon Gosselin told a Jewish Centre that he was sorry for everything, but Kate's not taking that sitting down - she's appeared on TV to tell the world that she's so sorry for every single thing she's ever done in her entire life that it sometimes makes her poo blood. Or something.
Jon Gosselin Admits That He’s A Galactic Mimsy
Jon Gosselin has had an epiphany. And, no, epiphany isn't the name of a new experimental hair-replacement procedure. He's had a real epiphany. Whisper it, but Jon Gosselin might have worked out what an unstoppable bellend he is. Yesterday at the Manhattan West Side Jewish Centre, Jon plucked up the courage to tell all and sundry that his 'moral compass' has been all out of whack. And it seems genuine. Jon Gosselin seems truly sorry for everything he's done. And we're sure he'll continue to explain exactly how sorry he is in his new book, TV show, range of ornamental ceramics and any other method he think of to stop him getting a real job.
Jon Gosselin has had an epiphany. And, no, epiphany isn't the name of a new experimental hair-replacement procedure. He's had a real epiphany. Whisper it, but Jon Gosselin might have worked out what an unstoppable bellend he is. Yesterday at the Manhattan West Side Jewish Centre, Jon plucked up the courage to tell all and sundry that his 'moral compass' has been all out of whack. And it seems genuine. Jon Gosselin seems truly sorry for everything he's done. And we're sure he'll continue to explain exactly how sorry he is in his new book, TV show, range of ornamental ceramics and any other method he think of to stop him getting a real job.
Kate Gosselin Promises Us That We’re The Only One Suffering
Did you watch the 'You Ask, Kate Answers' Jon & Kate Plus 8 special last night? What's that? You didn't? Because Jon & Kate Plus 8 generally makes you quite angry? And just the thought of Kate Gosselin getting an hour of television to carp on about herself makes you hatch wicked revenge plots against humanity? Well fine. You missed out on Kate Gosselin's promise that her children weren't suffering. And you missed out on Kate Gosselin's claim that she wants to be a film star. And you missed out on us stabbing ourselves in the thigh with a pair of scissors so we'd have something less painful to concentrate on.
Did you watch the 'You Ask, Kate Answers' Jon & Kate Plus 8 special last night? What's that? You didn't? Because Jon & Kate Plus 8 generally makes you quite angry? And just the thought of Kate Gosselin getting an hour of television to carp on about herself makes you hatch wicked revenge plots against humanity? Well fine. You missed out on Kate Gosselin's promise that her children weren't suffering. And you missed out on Kate Gosselin's claim that she wants to be a film star. And you missed out on us stabbing ourselves in the thigh with a pair of scissors so we'd have something less painful to concentrate on.
Kate Gosselin To Answer Questions From Her One Remaining Fan
Let's assume that Jon & Kate Plus 8 is dying. In which case, let us introduce you to its ghoulish death-rattle. You Ask, Kate Answers. That's right - next week's scheduled episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8 is being replaced by a special episode where Kate Gosselin will answer questions submitted by the show's viewers. Questions that we can only assume will include "Why won't you make it stop?", "My TV seems to be stuck on TLC and it's giving me a migraine - how can I change it to a channel that isn't so annoying?" and "WHY WON'T YOU MAKE IT STOP??"
Let's assume that Jon & Kate Plus 8 is dying. In which case, let us introduce you to its ghoulish death-rattle. You Ask, Kate Answers. That's right - next week's scheduled episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8 is being replaced by a special episode where Kate Gosselin will answer questions submitted by the show's viewers. Questions that we can only assume will include "Why won't you make it stop?", "My TV seems to be stuck on TLC and it's giving me a migraine - how can I change it to a channel that isn't so annoying?" and "WHY WON'T YOU MAKE IT STOP??"
Jon & Kate Plus 8 (Hopefully) Finished Forever (Hopefully)
All good things come to an end - and all crap things that star a couple of awful bellends come to an end, too. Yes, we mean Jon & Kate Plus 8. Apparently TLC has decided to ditch Jon & Kate Plus 8 in both its current and proposed Kate Plus 8 guises. So goodbye Jon and Kate Gosselin, you were one of a kind. You'll always be remembered as the fame-hungry couple dreadful enough to unblinkingly gamble away the well-being of your own children for a few moments of fleeting celebrity. Nobody could ever take your place. Except for the Balloon Boy family, obviously. Someone give them a reality show, pronto.
All good things come to an end - and all crap things that star a couple of awful bellends come to an end, too. Yes, we mean Jon & Kate Plus 8. Apparently TLC has decided to ditch Jon & Kate Plus 8 in both its current and proposed Kate Plus 8 guises. So goodbye Jon and Kate Gosselin, you were one of a kind. You'll always be remembered as the fame-hungry couple dreadful enough to unblinkingly gamble away the well-being of your own children for a few moments of fleeting celebrity. Nobody could ever take your place. Except for the Balloon Boy family, obviously. Someone give them a reality show, pronto.
Jon & Kate Gosselin Somehow Remember They Have Kids
Gosselin birthdays are fun. True, there's just as much shrieking anguish as there is every other day. But sometimes they get to wear funny hats. Yesterday marked the ninth birthdays of Gosselin twins Mady and Cara, and so Jon and Kate Gosselin decided to give them the greatest gift of all. No, not a promise to stop making Jon & Kate Plus 8. No, not a course of hypnotherapy to help them regain the childhood that their parents snatched from them. Jon and Kate gave the twins an afternoon of no fighting. And a birthday cake that couldn't spell their names right. Obviously.
Gosselin birthdays are fun. True, there's just as much shrieking anguish as there is every other day. But sometimes they get to wear funny hats. Yesterday marked the ninth birthdays of Gosselin twins Mady and Cara, and so Jon and Kate Gosselin decided to give them the greatest gift of all. No, not a promise to stop making Jon & Kate Plus 8. No, not a course of hypnotherapy to help them regain the childhood that their parents snatched from them. Jon and Kate gave the twins an afternoon of no fighting. And a birthday cake that couldn't spell their names right. Obviously.
Kate Gosselin To Bleat Until World Suffers Collective Aneurysm
Jon Gosselin is a tool for emptying his joint account with Kate Gosselin. Not because he did it, mind you. But because of what it meant. Deep down, Jon Gosselin must have known what would happen when he took all that money. He must have known that Kate Gosselin would rush to the nearest television studio and bellyache about it in such a sustained, high-pitched, self-pitying whine that everyone who watched it assumed that they were suffering from a particularly unpleasant bout of tinnitus. And, unsurprisingly, that's what Kate Gosselin did on the Today show yesterday. We hate you so much, Jon Gosselin.
Jon Gosselin is a tool for emptying his joint account with Kate Gosselin. Not because he did it, mind you. But because of what it meant. Deep down, Jon Gosselin must have known what would happen when he took all that money. He must have known that Kate Gosselin would rush to the nearest television studio and bellyache about it in such a sustained, high-pitched, self-pitying whine that everyone who watched it assumed that they were suffering from a particularly unpleasant bout of tinnitus. And, unsurprisingly, that's what Kate Gosselin did on the Today show yesterday. We hate you so much, Jon Gosselin.
Jon Gosselin Clears Kate Gosselin’s Bank Account, The Big Gent
During Jon & Kate Plus 8, Jon Gosselin was mainly characterised by his giant, flaccid lack of ambition.
But now he's a new man! Jon Gosselin is no longer content to stand in Kate Gosselin's shadow! If it kills him, he's going to make the world sit up and realise that - rather than being the passive, testicle-faced non-entity that everyone thought he was - he's easily as much of an overbearing turdbasket as his estranged wife.
And if that means secretly withdrawing over $200,000 from his joint account, leaving his family with just $1,000, then that's precisely what Jon Gosselin will do. So he's done it.
